When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You’re caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can’t face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone
- "Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden
I was just reading a friend's blog and she was talking about how she doesn't know too many people where she just moved and it got me thinking. I have lived here in Georgia for 3 years now and I barely have any friends. I have always had tons of friends, so this is unusual. I have several people I hang out with, but it's not the same as having a BEST friend. In fact, just a few weeks ago I was talking to one of my best friends from Maryland and she was telling me about her new best friend and how they are soooo close and they are like soulmates they are so tight. I don't know if she was trying to rub it in (because I know she's jealous I'm married), but it hurt. I am happy she found someone else she can be close to, but it made me feel sad. It was almost juvenile they way she rubbed it in. This was a girl I went to Cambridge University with. We left our homes in Maryland and spent a summer semester abroad together and when we returned, we were closer than ever. So many memories. . .
Now, it's so different. It's harder to find close girl friends after you're married anyway, but I miss it. Sure, I have people I talk to and hang out with, but I miss that really intimate friendship you can only have with some women. I just feel lonely and James doesn't get it because he's more of a loner and he's happy with only having more casual friendships with other people.
Do I sound completely pathetic? This is something I have been thinking about for a while. God, please send me a best friend to laugh, cook, and shop with!
Posted by Hannah at January 6, 2005 07:47 PMAmen, sister!
Posted by: bethanie at January 7, 2005 12:17 PMMen don't get it about close friendships. They get by on their own too well. :) But I agree with you, it's hard to find a close friend. They come along once in a blue moon.
My close friends live at least half a world away but we try to make do. Yes, it's not the same as if we were living in the same city but I don't want to lose their friendship just because of distance. Also, you don't have to be in the same marital status - if she was your friend before, and was truly your friend, she'll always be your friend.
You have a close friend waiting somewhere...and I believe you will find her :) or even them!
Hannah: I wish you guys were here still, or that we were there. You 2 were awesome!
Posted by: stef at January 7, 2005 12:26 PMIt is more difficult once you're married, because you can no longer completely offer youself up 100% to friendship. Your husband will always come first, and some single girls are threatened by that. I've found that my best friend and I grew apart for awhile after I was married. She was constantly making comments about me being too young to get married, etc. It was so hurtful. Then I realized she was probably afraid of losing ME. Not just me, but the girl I've been since we were little. She's told me since then she's surprised that I'm still the same "me." Do you think maybe your old friend has gone through that? And not being around her makes her dwell on it, I don't know.
It'll take time and a willingness on your part (I know you have it, I can tell by your posts & I haven't even met you!) to be your own person and spend time developing the friendships without your hubby around. Are there any fellow teachers you like a lot? What about church members? Clubs? I met one of my close girlfriends on our soccer team. Another through a girl who worked in my lab- I met her casual friend and now the 3rd girl is one of my best friends. Random. I know the same type of thing will happen for you! You are such a doll and any girl would be lucky to have you as her best friend! :)
Posted by: girl from florida at January 8, 2005 12:03 AMI do wish we lived closer Hannah..I mean I know we live in the same state but you are so much like me. I want a good friend to go to the movies with..or to just hang out with. And you are SO right it is hard to find "married" friends must people I know at work aren't married or are alot older than me but that doesn't bother me at all but to them I think it does. I just wished making and keeping friends wasn't so difficult. Maybe we can get together sometime though..if you wanted to. :) Chin up..have a good weekend.
Posted by: Amanda at January 8, 2005 10:44 AMI know what you mean. It is way different when you're married. A few of my friendships before marriage have fizzled. (Well one girl couldn't handled me being married b/c she wanted to get married so bad.) But even my closest friend..we are not as close. Awww... that makes me kinda sad. But my husband is way worth it:)
Posted by: Suzy at January 8, 2005 10:04 PM