I woke up this morning feel uneasy, anf then I remembered the distressing dream I had last night. I dreamt that I when I got to South Africa I wasn't excited anymore and nothing was as I hoped. Silly me, right?
Not necessarily . . . I have a knack for getting myself all worked up and then when the event comes, it's like I don't have any excitement left in me. I just feel "blah." It's like I used up all my "excitedness" obsessing for like the 6 months before (see yesterday's post). Before you think "man, Hannah is way weird lately," consider this analogy. It's like Christmas. You get so worked up and enthralled with the holiday spirit that when Christmas Day comes, it's like, "this is it?" I know you all have done that, right? (Come on folks, you're supposed to make me feel better about this). Whenever I travel, I get soooooo excited and think about how happy I'll be to see this, and what if will feel like to do that, and then when I'm there, it doesn't feel that way. I have one shot at getting off the plane and having that rush of emotion at just being there, but if it doesn't happen, I'll be disappointed. When I went to the Buddhist Monestary at the top of the mountain in Korea, I thought I'd feel all peaceful, but when I didn't, I was disappointed and thought there was something wrong with me.
It could be that all these emotions at this stage in my life are quite normal. We do have a lot going on right now, which I will fill you all in on when I return (good stuff, so no worrying). Or it could be that your friend Hannah over at Teatopia has turned into a real crackpot. Hmmm . . . we'll just have to see. :-)
Posted by Hannah at June 28, 2005 02:33 PMI understand! It's like the house. we are so nervous and excited about it, i am afraid it won't be "all that" once we move in.
Posted by: Rachel at June 28, 2005 02:47 PMWhen I was reading this post i was thinking "i totally understand! This is just like Christmas Day for me!" and then as soon as my thought was completed you related it to Christmas. haha Great minds think alike. :-)
Posted by: Allison at June 28, 2005 03:29 PMMaybe you're not supposed to think about how you WILL feel, but just get excited about the fact that you will feel something and you have no idea what it is yet. Come to think of it that's usually how I look at things. Either way no worries, you are going to have an AMAZING time : ) . I've never even thought about going on a safari before reading you, that and with a friend showing me pictures of her safari I wish I was going right along with you!!
Posted by: Pink Sun Drops at June 28, 2005 04:59 PMI don't think you will be disappointed Hannah. The beauty of the land is definitely different to other parts of the world and the lovely thing about visiting here is that you can be in a city one moment and within a few hours, driving in the bush seeing the Big 5. I am just hoping you are going to have lovely weather whilst you are here. See you in 11 days.
Posted by: Michelle at June 28, 2005 06:27 PMYeah, I do that at Christmas. You're normal. :)
Posted by: Robin at June 28, 2005 08:05 PMTHis reminds me of a post I was going to write about trying to release expectations. When I successfully do that, I'm usually pleasantly surprised at how I allow myself to enjoy the experience. But how can you not have high expectations when you're planning for a trip like this? All you can do is release them once the plans are made and you are on your way and enjoy what happens next. Which I have no doubt you'll do!
Posted by: Elaine at June 29, 2005 01:07 AMI completely understand... you are totally normal. It's human nature. I really agree with Pink Sun Drops... try to think more about the fact you are going, that you will be experiencing something you've always dreamed of, and it will be a new & memorable experience. If nothing, at least you'll be with your hubby doing fun things ;) heehee.
Posted by: girl from florida at June 29, 2005 07:39 AMIt sounds like you have a lot going on right now, Hannah, and a lot to think about ... but everything will be just fine! Sometimes I think that when people experience major life events, they believe that they're supposed to feel a certain way when it happens. Or maybe we *think* that we'll feel a certain way. But who knows what it will really be like until you experience it? When Jeff and I were engaged, I thought that I'd probably cry tears of joy while walking down the aisle and feel pretty nervous, but I didn't feel that way at all! I felt this amazing feeling, like I was so strong and could do absolutely anything. It was wonderful and absolutely indescribable. I didn't cry at all during our wedding, either! So just relax and enjoy your big trip! :) Easy for me to say, though, right? haha :)
Posted by: Lisanne at June 29, 2005 05:27 PM