Sleep when they sleep.
This is great advice, that is, if your chld actually sleeps. Olivia is a good sleeper at night, but the child just won't nap. And 15 minutes here or there doesn't count. If all I've done is pee and unload half the dishwasher before she's crying for me to get her, it wasn't a real nap.
I mentioned my problem to our pediatrician and all he did was shrug and tell me I'm lucky she sleeps at night. Thanks.
Some friends have recommended I let her cry. This would be great advice if a) I believed in letting a baby "cry it out" (my mom and Dr. Karp say this is a no-no), and b) if I could even stand to hear my precious baby cry for let's say, even 30 seconds. That school of thought just doesn't work for me.
One of the friends who gave me this advice wasn't there to hear her poor baby "cry it out" when she wouldn't nap. Her daycare MADE her take naps and they just let her cry until she started going to sleep on her own. I am a SAHM and don't really feel it's absolutely necessary to be on a rigid schedule. It'd just be nice to have a few moments to myself while baby girl is happily asleep. You know, there are people who actually believe that stay-at-home-moms have all this free time. I know. I used to be one of those people. Now, boy have I learned how freakin' far from the truth that is. I have NO time, less time in fact than most stay-at-home-moms because my child refuses to nap. I guess she thinks she might miss out on something. I've promised her I won't do anything fun. There won't be any partying. In fact, I'd probably use the time for things like combing my hair for the first time in 3 days, or washing my breast pump, or maybe, just maybe, I might put some concealer on the huge zits I now have from the wonderful postpartum hormones. See? Nothing fun, but she still won't sleep.
Please advise. Thank you muchly.
Posted by Hannah at June 17, 2006 12:20 AMI had such a chuckle when I read your post. I totally know what you mean. There's a book called "What do you do all day?" with a picture of a melting ice-cream on the carpet - on the front cover - I've got it on my wish list at Amazon - I have a feeling it's worth a good laugh for people like us who KNOW what we do all day - and have husbands who wonder! I also don't believe in crying it out - at all. What I do, do is make sure that when I do put him down to nap (I get on average two naps out of him of at least an hour to two each) that no matter what - he's not getting out of his bed until he's either a) slept, or b)lay down quietly for 10 minutes. For example if I put him down to nap and he doesn't want to sleep I will turn his mobile on and leave the room if he's crying, I'll go back in, give him the dummy, wiggle one of the toys and leave again. This is usually enough to get him to a point where he wil amuse himself enough so that I can go and make a cup of tea (brush teeth etc - y'know). You will be amazed at the amount of times I've left to go and do that and when I look again he's fast asleep. In the beginning it was very trial and error because I'd put him in bed, then have to change a nappy (and put him straight back) give him a bottle (in his bed - because he's NOT getting out) etc etc and he sort of 'got it' quite quickly, it was his choice to either sleep or spend quiet time - either way it was without me being around, because I DIDN'T leave him to cry - he know that he was safe and that mom was nearby - otherwise they feel abandoned and will cry every time! I will pop back in as often as is necessary so - it's rubbish that kids will manipulate you and cry to get you back - it's worked with the Bubby completely. Besides - he could hardly resist a comfy bed, favourite blanky etc - and now that I look back I'm glad I insisted on the whole process - I even trained the hubby to do the same :)
Posted by: Valkyrie at June 17, 2006 02:58 AM" I have NO time, less time in fact than most stay-at-home-moms because my child refuses to nap. "
To put things in perspective, read this:
http://maxupdate.blogspot.com/
Hannah: Yes, that is sad. Although, I wasn't trying to compete with anyone, although it seems you see it as a competition. I can vent on my blog even though someone else has it worse. Sadly, I know there are mothers dealing with dying children. Does that mean Max's mom shouldn't write anything negative on her blog? No. Someone always has it worse than you and I doubt you were pointing this out to make me feel better. More like rude and nasty. It is, after all, my space to write my thoughts.
Posted by: Anona at June 17, 2006 05:45 AMLila does EXACTLY the same thing! She'll sleep a good nine hours at night, but then there's no napping during the day. I agree; fifteen minutes here and there does not count. We have no schedule right now. Sometimes she'll sleep a little as long as I hold her...so sometimes I get a little nap too.
I'm sure when she gets a little older and more independent you'll have more free time.
Posted by: Chastity at June 17, 2006 07:10 AMI would love to have Ava sleep through the night. However, she will take 2 2-3 hr naps in the day. I know she probably bwould sleep all night if she didn't nap so much in the day. Oh well, what can I do.
Posted by: Emmakirst at June 17, 2006 07:55 AMMy child was the same way. Typically they don't fall into a napping routine until around 4 months. All I can say is hang in there, we've been there too!
Posted by: amelia at June 17, 2006 08:15 AMYeah, Olivia is still *very* young. She'll settle into a routine when she's a bit older [at least, I found that to be true with Lucas]. At the beginning, we just let Luke sleep when he wanted to and figure things out for himself. Now, he's a perfect napper. He goes down after lunch and sleeps for anywhere between an hour and three hours. Yay! :) I confess, we did let him cry for a little while after I stopped nursing him and we'd put him down for naptime. It's not like we just left him alone, though ~ we didn't let him cry for long. [I don't believe in CIO, either.] Within a few days, he settled himself to sleep with no problem. Hopefully Olivia will be a good napper as she gets older. You are DEFINITELY lucky to have a baby who sleeps well at night! Lucas never did, until about 10 months!
Posted by: Lisanne at June 17, 2006 09:49 AMJust know that it does get better! I'm not one to let them cry it out, either. They have to know they can trust you.
Posted by: Amy at June 17, 2006 03:37 PMAmelia only naps occasionally too- when we hold her!! I am trying desperately to get her to nap in her crib now. It's a battle every day, but each nap gets longer and longer. So hopefully we're getting there!
What's up with that anonymous comment? How are any of your statements competitive? I HATE anons, I don't understand why people just can't have balls and say what they mean and post their names. You are perfectly justified in being upset about this.
I also am REALLY against CIO. One of my girlfriends does this and her baby seems so unhappy.
Posted by: girl from florida at June 17, 2006 04:48 PMI am with GFF. I hate anonymous comments, escpecially ones that are not very helpful. The anonymous ones never really are, are they? Well, I laughed b/c I used to think the same thing about SAHM's and being one myself, I now know how much work it truly is!!
Posted by: Suzy at June 17, 2006 11:40 PMI have Zander at work with me all day. If I don't let him nap on my chest he won't nap. He will also then only nap for 10 - 15 minutes. So I have no real advice lol except for trying to get her to nap on your chest.
Posted by: Melany at June 18, 2006 05:01 AM