July 01, 2006
The good, the bad, & the ugly
Yeah, yeah, I know the good things are supposed to go first, but in my attempt to be optimistic, I will end on a positive note, so the good will go last.
Ok, the bad . . .
I thought I was getting a full paycheck this month (I’m on teacher summer pay until Sept). Nope. I got like 200 bucks. Apparently because my pay is pro-rated for the summer, yada, yada, I was docked pay for last month and this month. I know we’ll lose my pay completely soon, but there were some things we wanted/needed to do before then. Also, we leave for vacation next weekend. Bummer.
I am having numbness in my back where it hurt from the accident. I have an appt to get it checked out in 2 weeks.
I have barely any time to do the things I need to do, never mind the things I WANT to do. James is in grad school, and all his free time is taken up in the evenings and on weekends. I need to do laundry, pack away maternity clothes (but not all—just the ones the are super obvious. I am still wearing some of them sadly enough). And whoever the “anonymous” person was last time who jumped on me for complaining, here’s your big chance again. Or, you could get your own blog and stop leaving obnoxious comments on mine. Thanks a bunch.
Now, for the ugly (and believe you me, it’s UGLY)
I am in real danger of becoming one of those people with no self-esteem. I went to the mall today with my mom and grandma because they sweetly offered to buy me some clothes. It was completely depressing. I could barely fit the next size up. I am doing it again—this constant self-evaluation thing that I do. Last night, I found myself thanking God that I’m married because no one would date me. I have so many stretch marks (I’ve never seen or heard of them as bad as mine—they are even down both legs). I am totally un-datable right now. I don’t get it. I guess my weight re-distributed itself and my hips totally spread, because I have lost the baby weight. Lane Bryant, here I come.
And now the good . . .
I got my tea yesterday from the Teaswap. It smelled so good. So far, I have tried the Vanilla Martini tea from Bethanie. It was goooooood!
Today, I received a letter from my pen pal Christina in Greece. We’ve been writing ever since I was in 7th grade. We had an assignment to write to a pen pal in class, and we’ve continued writing throughout the years, except for the last year or so. I was excited to receive her letter.
I have an incredibly gorgeous child who makes me smile constantly, especially when she decided to continuously flash everyone at James’s birthday last night (she grabbed ahold of her dress and kept pulling it over her head!)
Well...finally we can shop at Lane Bryant together! Hmmmmm...sorry..I got a bit excited....Hannah can get a 14 and shop with her fat friend! Let me give you this body or Angels and then you can complain! Actually, the Avenue has a better selection...Connie W can join us, we run into each other there.. And all of you think that your lives are boring....hmmmm
Well looks like we will perhaps have a chance Friday (mom and dad are to be leaving then) for us to do lunch?.?.? I love B but just us???
26 more days and I go back to work, *sigh*
I know it's easier said than done but you've got to stop beating yourself up. I bet the stretch marks will fade some. Just give it time. Your body may never be exactly the same again but look what you got out of it! Don't worry about whether or not your "datable". YOur husband loves you because your his wife and the mother of his beautiful baby girl!
Posted by: Amy at July 1, 2006 10:55 PMGood luck getting some time to do things you want to do. That's what I'm struggling with right now too. I want to do some ME things, but I don't want to leave the baby to do them.
Posted by: Chas at July 1, 2006 11:25 PMDon't be so hard on yourself. Fitting into the next size up, even if barely, less than three months after giving birth sounds pretty good to me. The numbers aren't important - neither the amount you gained and lost, nor the size it says on the clothes tags. Well, I guess one important number is the nine months it took to change your body. Why should it change back in less than three? I suspect additional body changes will happen soon, as Olivia becomes heavier and more active, and makes it virtually impossible for you to finish a meal.
Lately, I'm all about solid tees from Target, and casual skirts: summery, and not so sensitive to my continually morphing body.
Sweetie, most of us have strech marks. They do get lighter, I promise. You will lose even more weight. With breastfeeding you will. Ignore the idiot leaving bad comments. Some people just have no life
Posted by: Melany aka Supermom at July 2, 2006 04:59 AMAwwwww,try not to be too hard on yourself. It took 9mos to put on the weight so it's going to take some time to get it off. I gave in and had to buy 2 sizes up from what i normally wear. :( I have pretty much given up on getting back to my pre-preggy size. I think the weight re-distributed too.
Yummm the tea sounds great!
Posted by: Emmakirst at July 2, 2006 08:45 AMI kind of like Lane Bryant they are a bit pricey but have pretty things when they go on sale. Just think how great clothes yuo will have till you go back down to your desired wait. It will be ok. Your feelings are normal. Try not to beat up on yourself:)I hope you have a fab vacation!!
Posted by: Ani at July 2, 2006 09:22 AMI'm struggling with the same things. I'm sorry sweetie :( Anononymous commenters suck too.
On the positive side, Olivia and James are SO FREAKING CUTE in that picture, I can't stand it!!
Posted by: girl from florida at July 2, 2006 01:17 PMHoney at least you have a reason why you have stretch marks, you gave birth (LIFE). I have stretch marks because I love to eat you know my body type since what the 7th grade. Make sure you put coca butter on it twice a day and in a year, (Yes honey in a whole year) it will fade. Love ya
Posted by: Entsar at July 2, 2006 02:38 PM