Teatopia

I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I used to be ready to DIVORCE my husband, everytime he put his golf clubs in the car. His routine, is work all week - spend like 20 minutes with the bubby when he gets home then sleep. On Saturday's he's up at 6am to get to the golf course by 6h45 to tee off (it's light early in Summer). I used to think, "wait a sec, the first free time he has? And he GOES OFF TO THE GOLF COURSE!!!! Instead of A) being with me, b) being with the bubby or C) JUST GIVING ME A FRIGGIN' BREAK!!!???" Well, my answer to your dilemma is this...

Men don't get it.

They don't have a friggin' clue.

They might be the best husbands and great dads in the world - but there's a reason it's women who bear the children!!

Well, I took it upon myself to enlighten my husband. I started to ring him at the golf course by the time I knew he was done (giving an hour extra or so for him to socialize after his round) and then say to him, "Honey, I'm off to the movies at 15h00 you need to be home by 14h45 so I can get my ticket in time."

In reality the movie only starts at 15h30, but I know he's going to try and maximise on the socializing before he has to leave and might just cut it fine. Besides if I want to enjoy a nice coffee by myself in my favourite place - why shouldn't I?! They honestly think that we're home all day playing with the baby, when in reality it's like being on ER call 24/7. Ok, there are fun bits, but there are also monotonous, boring, mind-numbing bits too. I discovered that I could enjoy the bubby that much more by insisting that I get ME time. Movies worked well for me because I get to completely switch off - out of mommy mode and into another world. It takes awhile to lose the guilt feeling, and eventually you just miss them. I know that the hubby will love some dad&son time too - and it's now to the point where he asks me to go in his car, so that he has my car (with the car seat) and they go off to the Aquarium etc, so by the time the movie is done and I'm home I get even more time now to actually veg in front of the TV. Don't worry, you're totally normal, and never regret your feelings!

I can understand completely. I've been there, many times. I had a discussion about it with my husband, and we ended up joining the YMCA, a sacrifice on one income, but well worth it - I can have 2 hours to take care of me every day while baby girl has fun playing in the nursery. I've made it a point to get to know people at the Y as well, so it's also a social outlet. I'm a better mom, more energetic, and less stressed, the exercise has helped so much more than just my physical figure. I'd recommend a pilates class if you're looking for structure.

I remember those feelings that my husband can just take off whenever but how complicated it can seem for me to "clear" things with him or find a sitter. Rather than becoming resentful, I came to the place of joy and acceptance. This is my duty. He has plenty of things on his plate as well, and when those feelings start to come, I thank God for the priviledge of staying home and a husband who works so hard to make it so. Definitely keep the conversation open with your hubby! You are normal. :) Saying a prayer for you today...

even though i'm not a mom and don't know exactly how you feel, i can empathize. i've been feeling lonely lately here because i have no friends in the area and joe does. he goes out after work sometimes, and i'm stuck here at home. don't feel bad at all for getting this out. i'll be thinking about you.

I know I'm not a mom but I was thinking how I would feel if I was in your situation. Hannah your feelings are completely normal! You shouldn't feel guilty or bad. You are a great mom!I think it would be a great idea for you to get out of the house and just have Hannah time. Maybe more then once a week if possible? Perhaps a mom's group also would be fun. Talking to other mom's one on one and your little girl meeting other babies:) Olivia will like having a even happier mommy more. And I am sure it would be good for your husband to bond with his daughter more. Speak to him about it. Stress its important for your health, your relationship and for daddy/daughter time. He might want to do that more but feels like he'll get in the way when trying to help with Olivia? Maybe down the line you can get part time work or volunteer job when Hannah is a little older. Being around little kids would be good for her and you to be around some adults. Good luck Hannha!

Welcome to the club of mommyhood. I think it's okay to want and need time for yourself. My solution was getting a very-part-time job that involves physical labor. It's not enough, but it helps keep the sanity.

Oh Hannah please dont feel bad for posting all of this. You speak for the mother's who are too afraid to post it. You speak for everyone who needs someone to just step in and give them a break sometimes. And EVERYONE needs that!
I think what you are feeling is totally normal and definitely to be expected right now with Back to School time! I imagine that is very hard for you.
Its amazing how our self-esteem and self-images change so much after having kids. I never expected that and I know that mine changed drastically and I dont know how to change it back. No one ever told me about that part of motherhood.
As for finding something to do alone for you...I recommend either Yoga or Pilates, but probably more Yoga. I find that when I do Yoga I end up a lot more relaxed and peaceful than with Pilates. Pilates tends to make me feel worse about myself and I feel like the work aspect of it(because I am so out of shape, might not be your case) keeps me from feeling like I have done something good.
Hang in there girlie, cheer up!!

Thanks for posting it Hannah! Even those of us without children can relate... and you vocalize the worries and concerns of all women, whether mothers now or wanting to be mothers at some point.

What a beautifully honest post.

Your feelings are perfectly normal, and perhaps even?? Very common! I think EVERY mom feels this way. I understand the dichotomy... I feel worse about my body than I EVER have, but happier about my baby than ever. Strange and confusing.

You need to do something for yourself. I understand struggling with your feelings of obligations, but our generation is much different than our moms (my mom also rarely does anything for herself). We are much more self-aware and conscious of our emotions & senses of well-being, resulting in us being unhappier with simple duties and tasks.

I suggest a kickboxing class, or spinning classes. I started doing spinning and I feel about 75% better about my body than I have since Amelia came around. Kickboxing is terrific for getting your frustrations out and getting a great workout- all this will help with your self esteem! I personally have never been a big fan of yoga or pilates but it may do more for you, I have a lot of friends who love it. I just feel that if I'm going to carve an hour out of my time away from Amelia I want to sweat and get an awesome workout!!

Or go to the movies! Like on of the pp said, it's a great escape and getaway from your role as a mommy.

What about a cooking class? You love cooking! Or a book club! Or mommy group- to meet some fun moms.

Remember you are still Hannah, you are still the wife of James, you are still a wonderful friend, a writer, a chef, and a mommy. All in one wonderful beautiful package :)

It gets so much better I promise. Right now it just hard since they need constant care. And yes I think you should also seek out something to do outside of the house. It will do you some good :)

I completely know what you are going through... when Jeremy comes home he still has to work... and I'm stuck with Lorelei 24/7... and it sucks!! I need a vaction from Lorelei... I love her to pieces but I need time away from her... I don't even seem to have time to shower during the day because of her...

As for things to do... see if there is classes at Michaels that you can do... or some scrapbooking/stamping classes else where... I have taken out my anger more than once on eyelets and rubber stamps lol... and got something pretty out it too lol...

Exercise wise... I had great success with yoga, pilates, and doing water work outs... right now I am trying to save up the 400 bucks so I can join a place that only does water workouts... and if you are over weight by any means it is a great way to work out without stressing out your joints, etc... and if you are worried about how you look in a swimsuit... get the swim shorts... I did... hehehe... I can give you the name of a website that sells size 12+ in active gear of all kinds from tennis to swimming...

Good luck Hannah!

There is nothing wrong with admitting that you are having a hard time coping with the changes in your life. There has been so many. Do take up your mom and granny on their offer. Even if you just go for coffee with a friend once a week. Something just for you. YOu need it and deserve it

Oh Hannah, we all feel this way, and I guess we all feel guilty for it. As great as my own husband is, he also just really doesn't get it. I've been back at work for two days and 99% of Lila's care still rests on my shoulders. There is no "me" time rignt now, even less than before I went back to work if that's possible. My mother also never made any time for herself, but I have to remember that she was never used to any time for herself. She grew up in a house packed with children and went straight into marriage and had kids of her own. We can't compare ourselves to our mothers.

Just take my word on it that if you were back at school right now, like I am, you'd probably be much more unhappy. It kills me every morning to drop Lila off and think I won't see her until the afternoon. I know you realize this though, you're just having a hard time adjusting. Your entire world has been turned upside down by having a baby; we know you're happy, but it's just going to take some adjustment time. Like everyone else has said, find some sort of class to take during the week. If I were going to do it I'd take an adult ballet class or maybe Irish step..or ballroom if you can find a class that doesn't requie you have your own partner. You could also take photography if you're not looking for something so physical. Someone mentioned joining the YMCA; that's a great idea. Then you could leave Olivia in the nursery and take a class during the day. Plus, I'm pretty sure they have scholarships where they base your membership fee on income..so maybe it wouldn't hurt the bank account too much.