Nothing much has been going on lately besides mad last minute shopping and running around. I'm throwing a little Christmas gathering for family on Saturday night (invited a couple of friends, they are now going out of town for Christmas, decided to just keep it family and not invite the rest of our friends), so I've been busy planning my menu for that. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about something lately, probably because I'm totally PMSing, and I have a gigantic zit on my cheek to prove it. It's one of those painful under-the-skin ones that you can't really see but hurts like a mother. I'm constantly conscious of it. If I even move my face I can feel it. Yuck.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about having another baby, or rather, NOT having another baby. I'm totally torn on this. I always wanted 2-3 kids. As I watch Olivia grow like crazy, it makes me want to do this thing all over so I can have a newborn again, but then I think of all the reasons one child is a plus:
-- I LOVE to travel. It's not a hobby, but an obsession, and for my 25 years and limited financial means, I've managed to travel quite a bit when I could've bought a new car sooner, or a bigger house. If I have more than one child, we may not travel again internationally for 20 years. Traveling with one child is do-able. I'd love for Olivia to have opportunities to see things most kids don't get to see.
-- On the other hand, speaking of opportunity, I'd love for her to have memories with a sibling, like I had. I loved playing with my sister when we were little, and although we're very different, we're still close now.
Then there's adoption. If we do have more than one child, we'll probably have 3. We'd have one more biological child, and we'd like to adopt one.
I'm just not sure. James wants another one, no questions. And if we do have another, it's not far off. But for me, I'm 50/50. I am consumed by Olivia, and I'd love to give everything to her, but I know that once I had the other child, I'd be double fullfilled, and them tripply (is that a word?) when we adopted a third.
And if we do proceed with more, I think we'd try again in 6 months or so. James will be 28 on his next b-day. We wanted to be done by 30.
I know my readers are from all different walks of life, so I'm hoping you'll share a bit about your child preferences. Do you have kids? How many? Do you want more? Do you want any at all? It'd be interesting to me to hear about why you did/didn't want kids and why you want/wanted the number you have.
Posted by Hannah at December 21, 2006 08:49 PMI think that if you are going to have another baby that you need to wait until you're more than 50/50. Of course, if it just happened to happen, then I'm sure you'd be just fine with the idea. I know people who only had one and were very happy with that decision, and of course I know people with up to six or seven kids and of course they wouldn't have it any other way. I have friends who are only children, and they like it that way, and yet I have one brother and I can't imagine life without him. I don't think there's a right answer to this question.
I personally, would like to have up to three or four children. I have never entertained the thought of just having Lila and leaving it at that. Of course, it is unlikely that we'll be able to have as many children as I want, but of course we always want what we can't have.
Posted by: Chas at December 21, 2006 10:55 PMAfter I had Quintus, there was a period where I thought I didn't want another child. I loved him with such overwhelming love, I honestly thought that I could not love another child like that. That I didn't want to do that to Quintus. Share love.
After I had Jason I knew that I did the best thing. Quintus literally bloomed when he got a baby brother. It was the best thing I could do for him. I love to travel too and knew that travelling would not be an option till they are older, when I can leave them with my folks. Travelling or any other thing, just didn't seem that important anymore.
We wanted a third. We either wanted to adopt or have a third when both boys were in school. Mr Z decided not to wait though and now we have our three. I'm SO happy Hannah. My family is perfect. My boys love each other. They will have amazing memories. They will always have friends. For US it was the right decision.
You have to follow your heart though. Do what you feel is right for you
My mom used to travel with me and my two little brothers when we were all under 10. We went to Africa, England, Canada...and it wasn't a problem for her....she did it all by herself b/c my dad worked a lot and our family is from out of the country. Don't let that discourage you from wanting to have more kids - it's totally possible! You seem to have a great grasp on motherhood and I think that you would be successful at having more than one child and balancing the things you want to do (like traveling) with having children - that's what being a mom is all about =)
Posted by: Sara at December 22, 2006 09:48 AMIt's a hard decision ... and one I'm guessing that probably can't be made until Olivia's a bit older. Personally (but I can't say for sure cuz I haven't even had #1 yet). For me ... my sis and I are so close and I'd love to at least give my kids the opportunity of having a sibling relationship like that. I don't think there's much that can replace that.
PS ... sorry about your lurker. Use some of that Clean & Clear pimple reducing gel. It works great. ;)
Posted by: jesser at December 22, 2006 10:06 AMIt's funny you being this up because my Mom & I were just talking recently about grown adults talking about their childhoods. The ones with a lot of siblings but little money for "extras" were content but the adults who were only children said they would have rather gone without & had siblings around (I don't recall what the study was from).
Anyway, it's definitely a personal decision & I'm sure as time goes on you'll become confident in whatever you decide to do!
Posted by: Jessica at December 22, 2006 11:13 AMI don't have much to offer, except that I definitely want children, but we don't know when/if we can. And it's a source of much turmoil in my heart - I have a hard time not knowing about the future or being able to control everything. So I am waiting on God's plans only. :)
Posted by: Laura at December 22, 2006 12:42 PMI have my two boys and I absolutely ADORE them! I honestly cannot imagine having just one. I know someone who has 1 bio and 1 adopted, they are both grown and she said she always wishes she had had more. I agree with Chas that you should wait until you're more than 50/50. Maybe you're just not ready for #2 YET.
As for the traveling, I think it's perfectly doable to travel with 2 or more. It's a LOT of work when they're both in diapers, but if that's a problem you could wait a few years. I know that when Samuel is Judah's age traveling will be soooo much easier!
Oh, Hannah ~ I have *so* much to say about this topic! I think that I'm going to write you an e-mail, LOL! :)
Posted by: lisanne at December 22, 2006 02:38 PMI definitely want more children, there's no question about it. But I can understand how people can choose to have one, for the above reasons you listed and like another commenter said, you can't imagine loving another being like you do your baby!
Also remember that once your children are older, it may be *easier* to travel with two because they will amuse one another and keep each other company!! Maybe :)
Posted by: girl from florida at December 22, 2006 03:45 PM