January 08, 2007
The Ex Factor
I've never talked about anyone I dated before, probably because I'm now happily might be fun to share ex stories.
The other night, I had this completely random dream that my ex showed up and ruined a vacation that I was on with James, Olivia, and the rest of my family. It's weird, because I haven't thought about him in forever, but my sister and I were talking about ex's the other day, so it probably got me thinking.
First, I want to put this out there: for those of you who knew/know my exes (and there are a few of you), no judgement please, but you are welcome to e-mail me and laugh about any of them. :-)
Before James, I had three guys who I'd consider ex's. I dated inbetween boyfriends, had a stalker, and tons of crushes, but I'm only counting three other guys. Oh, and I didn't sleep with any of them. Just thought I'd clear that up. The first was in high school. I was young-- too young to technically date, but we held hands in school, went to each other's houses, homecoming, etc, and he totally broke my heart when his parents made us break up. He was my first love, although I can't for the life of me figure out what I saw in him. (Entsar, you are totally laughing right now aren't you?) The second was a sweet guy from my church. He was cute, played football, and was a good boyfriend to me for the 6 months or so we dated, but he was kind of dull and aparently, I broke his heart when I broke up with him the day before Valentine's day (ouch, I know).
My biggest relationship before James was one of the most intense relationships of my life. We met just before our junior year of high school and dated into my sophomore year of college. He was dark, intense, moody, and now that I'm older and wiser, I think he might've been slightly mentally unstable as a result of a very sick mother who raised him. Also, looking back, I think he was kind of a pervert, but that's neither here nor there. We had so much fun. We'll call him Doug. Doug was completely adventurous and funny. We camped together several times, played tons of jokes together, sent each other love letters when I was in college at Cambridge University, and then he flunked out of college and didn't tell me, but I didn't know that until it was ending anyway. Doug mentioned moving in, I didn't believe in it, and after it was clear we were in different places, he broke up with me. It's funny-- I thought I couldn't live without him, but when the day came, I felt very little sadness. I knew I wasn't meant to be with him and actually felt peaceful. And it helped that I met James 5 weeks later. I told James "no way"-- that I needed time to myself, but he strongly pursued me, and when I gave in, I knew it was right. And then I was totally amazed how much healthier a relationship could be. James was reliable, truthful, and also funny and adventurous like Doug had been. Most importantly though, he had a faith in God that amazed me, whereas Doug did not (another sourse of turmoil in our relationship).
Today, I look back and feel blessed that I found a man willing to save himself for marriage like I did (I hope he doesn't mind me saying that, guys are funny about these things), a man to prayed with me, and also, that my family approved of. They didn't want me to marry Doug.
I just thought I'd share part of my life I've never mentioned before. If you care to share, go for it. Do did you date before now? Someone creepy? Funny? Were you engaged? Bring on the stories!
I had a guy just like Doug, and I just so happened to have briefly blogged about him today...what a coincidence. It's so great when you find someone that shows you what you've been missing out on.
Posted by: Chas at January 8, 2007 10:45 PMLet's see...um...(counts on fingers)...there were 4 guys before the hubby. The first one, was during college - who I only dated because I had a HUGE crush on his friend (yikes!). Then there was the one that we broke up, then both ended up overseas, in the same place and dating other people right under each other's noses...yep that hurt a little. Then there was the lawyer, who was a bit of an arrogant as*hole. Then there was the steamy Australian, that I met whilst overseas again, in America. THen there was the hubby - and well the rest is history!
Posted by: Valkyrie at January 9, 2007 01:40 AMI just moved back to my hometown after being gone for about 12 years. I keep in touch with my ex-boyfriend's mom (dated for 5 years) and when I sent her my new address, she advised me that he lives about 2 miles from me. UGH! Well of course, after about 5 months of living here, we ran into each other at a local restaurant. Got to meet the wife and then come home to an e-mail from his mom, thrilled that we had bumped into each other. Why do ex-boyfriends haunt us like that? I too, have weird dreams about him. I wonder if the same thing happens to the guys?
Posted by: jenn at January 9, 2007 08:04 AMI had a "Doug." I honestly think half my attraction to him was that he had an accent. We were together for quite a long time and it sounds a bit harsh, but I honestly got bored of his moodiness and dumped him. Plus we were doing the LD thing and he was even more moody/annoying. A month or so after I broke it off, he got rip-roaring drunk and fell off a parking garage. It's only funny because he survived. Didn't even break a bone ... just a couple of teeth. Wonder whatever happened to him.
Posted by: jesser at January 9, 2007 10:04 AMI could write a book on my exes! I, too, had three main relationships before I met my husband. My first was my high school sweetheart...he broke my heart for reasons still not clear to me, but I think his dad forced him to break up with me. My second boyfriend, who was a friend in high school and started persuing me my freshman year in college, decided he was gay and broke up with me around my birthday my sophomore year...I didn't find out the reason until the following summer. He is now one of my best friends. The third and last major boyfriend before hubby was, how to put it...psycho? Controlling? Insanely jealous? He played mind games. Told me he almost committed suicide when his last girlfriend broke up with him. I should have ran away when I heard that, but we stayed together for 2 years, partly because I was scared he'd hurt himself or me. I was completely miserable for the last 6 months of the relationship. I eventually decided that my mental health was declining because of him and ended it. It was scary and he supposedly did have a nervous breakdown because of the breakup, but I never felt more relieved to be out of a relationship in all of my life. Three months later, I met Ben (thanks to my gay best friend) and the rest is history. :) (see, told you it was a book...and that was the condensed version!).
Posted by: Christina at January 9, 2007 10:24 AMYou are too funny, and you know me to well, I was laughing when you were taking about #1. Well at least you had a BF in High school; LOL I Dated NO one can't say I regret that though.
Posted by: Entsar at January 9, 2007 12:13 PMIt's funny, when I met K he absolutely DID NOT want a girlfriend. I changed his mind on that pretty quickly... like you said, when you know it's right, it's amazing.
Like you, I had three "real" boyfriends before I met my husband. And although I only really "talk" to one of them anymore, I think of them all quite fondly.
Posted by: Laura at January 9, 2007 02:44 PMI've had a few that weren't 'real' boyfriends - guys I dated for a month or so before I realised it was wasting my time (or he was a loser). But my main relationship before meeting D was when I was 21. I fell head over heals for this guy and we lived about 3 hours drive apart. I was too blind to see it was doomed from the start! He asked me to move down here, and I did!! 2 weeks after I got here, he broke up with me (after 6 months together). It was the best thing that happened to me in the end because I needed to get out of that town. I ended up living with my brother for a few years, got a good job, and after a few years (and wrong turns) I met D! It was a blessing in disguise! :)
Posted by: Trace at January 9, 2007 05:16 PM