How do you feel about being friends with people who are VERY different from you?
They say diversity is good . . . Yes, this is something I believe. Those of you who read me regularly know that I am v. interested in other cultures, but we're not always drawn to people who are very different from us. What happens when someone has completely different morals or values than you? Can you be good friends?
I feel like I'm too quick to judge people. And don't worry, I'm not reading your blogs and judging. I love my blogger friends! It's just that lately, I've noticed myself looking at some of the moms in my moms' group and thinking: I could never be friends with her. I don't know why I do it, but there are some things that just seem *so* different. There's this one lady who seems to want to be friends, but she's weird, and it bothers me. I'd never be rude to someone, ever, but she doesn't even believe women should wear pants. And she wears her hair in a bun with a net. I don't want to debate the fundamental differences of Christianity here or have anyone tell me which bible verses to consult, I'm just expressing my thoughts on my blog and telling you that I don't feel drawn to someone who dresses like they live in 1850. I can't help it and I wish I didn't feel that way.
At the opposite extreme, I have a friend who completely sleeps around. I really like her, but our values are so very different. In some ways, I worry she brings me down. It's not my place to tell her what to do, but I'm always thinking about it. I could never tell her (and she doesn't know I have a blog!), so what to do???
There are some differences that are wonderful and easy to accept:
I grew up surrounded by people different from me: friends in the neighborhood, people at school, etc. I loved it! My best friend from Maryland, Entsar, is first generation American. Her parents are from Africa and she's Muslim, yet we have a lot in common in terms of interests and we just "click", although technically, our backgrounds are very different. We worked with students with mental retardation in high school and spent many hours shopping and laughing! I love her to death. She can make me laugh like few others can! She truly has a heart of gold. Our differences really don't matter.
I've never thought of myself as someone who is judemental, but as someone who's trying to expand her circle of "Mommy" friends, I'm realizing that maybe I'm not as open-minded as I once thought. But aren't we all that way? I think it's natural to tend to surround yourself with people like you. And it's weird, because I love hanging out with my gay friend B and his man. They are awesome! And different from me (obviously since I'm not gay, but if you count the fact both B and I sleep with men, we aren't so different afterall!) :-)
Do you have friends who are VERY different? Do you tend to gravitate towards people who are like you or do you embrace people who are VERY different? Would it be hard if a friend led a lifestyle you completely disagreed with or couldn't relate to?
*This is an open and honest post about my feelings!!! Please, only respectful comments. That doesn't mean you have to always agree with everything I post, but there's never a reason to be nasty.
Posted by Hannah at March 6, 2007 08:07 PMI think no matter WHAT the background, there are going to be people you click with and people you don't, like your African/Muslim friend. But the hair-net wearing lady is obviously making a lifestyle choice to dress and live that way, along with have such strong feelings about not wearing pants, etc., so I can't imagine how you would ever click!! That says a lot about her personality and in my opinion you are way too open-minded and culterally experienced and world-traveled to limit yourself that way. Just my opinion :)
Personally, I like to mix it up. My very best friends are very similar to me, although one is from Australia. But we have our differences as well, to keep it interesting!
Posted by: girl from florida at March 7, 2007 08:43 AMWell like you said, I think of myself as open minded, but when I think about my friends, they are a lot like me.
Most of them do have different ideas about things, they aren't serious in any church, some don't and won't go at all and I don't agree with that, but I love my friends. My very best friend is totally different than me and we've always been polar opposites, she was always a bad influence on me. We don't hang out as much now that I'm married.
I understand where you're coming from. I think it's only natural to *want* that diversity, but we naturally feel most comfortable with people who are somewhat like us. I think most of my friends are a lot like me in terms of religious, policital, social, cultural views. I do have friends who are conservative (I am way on the liberal side), and I guess I tend to avoid those topics that might spur arguements and I keep it more on a personal level. I think it's easier to get along with someone who might have a different background that you (for example, being raised in a different country, ethnic group, whatever), but have similar views on the world, and it is more difficult to be friends with someone who might have grown up next door to you, but believes the opposite of what you do. Does that even make sense, LOL? It does in my head, but I am not sure I conveyed it well.
Posted by: Carol at March 7, 2007 11:56 AMNone of my friends are like me... they are the opposites of me and I love it... the more different they are the better we get a long... look at Lisanne and I... we have been friends since high school and she is sweet, kind, super smart, super neat, etc... me, I'm brash, speak my mind, arty, and messy...
But, I have been friends with people that were Christians that took a more strict aproch about their looks, education, etc... and I loved it... I learned a lot about why they did those things (and it is all in the Bible- with good reason)... and being a Christian myself... once we get to heaven those things aren't really going to matter... I think God gets a kick out of us at times lol...
But, I am open minded about people to an extent... and that is just because I am tired of getting screwed over by people... but I give every one 2 chances and once they burn through those that is it... but off to watch the take home chef lol...
Posted by: Shannon O. at March 7, 2007 01:00 PMI think that as long as you think that someone is a good person it really doesn't matter what your differences are. If you don't think your promiscuous friend is a good person, then that might be why you feel she brings you down. I have a lifelong friend that is not a good influence, and I've decided to distance myself from her since I had Lila. I don't want Lila being influenced by her in any way, regardless of how small. As for the girl with the skirts and the bun, sometimes you just don't understand a person's lifestyle choices, even when there's nothing actually wrong with what they're doing. So what if you guys don't click; we can't expect to be friends with EVERYONE. My mom's best friend married a guy that kind of required that she only wear skirts. Her lifestyle changed and so did my mom's friendship with her. It isn't that they can't be friends anymore; they're just different now.
Posted by: Chas at March 7, 2007 11:53 PMI have friends who are different from me. In some ways more than others but basic core us, is still the same. I would not be able to be friends with someone who does something or believes in something totally completely from me
Posted by: Melany aka Supermom at March 10, 2007 04:52 AMKnow what? I really enjoy reading your blog. This is a very interesting post. I believe in appreciating diversity and having friends of all backgrounds. I've been lucky to have been exposed to people/friends from all over the place.
I also understand the tendency for people to gravitate towards those who have similar tastes, views and beliefs. It's just easier to relate.
Posted by: GeorgiaGirl at March 18, 2007 08:23 AM