Teatopia

On the eve of her first birthday . . .

As I was shopping for party stuff tonight, I ran into the only other person in my birthing class-- a really cute mama who looked like a pregnant mosquito because she was so thin, except for her huge protruding belly. So cute! And she always had the cutest form-fitting maternity clothes, which I never wore because I felt self-conscious. I remember feeling badly for her because the man who got her pregnant wasn't going to be part of the picture, and she attended all the classes alone. I felt kind of guilty being there with James because we were the only other people there and I didn't want her to feel badly. It was a nice, intimate class though with so few of us, and I actually wondered how the lady, Paula, was doing the other day. Something made me think of her. It was weird running into her tonight, on a night I was already feeling nostalgic and a bit sad. It was just further proof how fast this last year has gone by. I swear it seems like a few weeks ago that James and I were hurrying from work to make it to our Friday evening birthing class, and then out for ice cream and a sugar free malt for me.

At this moment last year, I was just starting to get uncomfortable. I was still in denial about being in labor. I thought all the back pain was muscular, but around this time, the pain started shooting around to the front, and I felt a lot of pressure. It would only be a few hours from now that the big bad contractions started. Although tomorrow is Olivia's day, selfishly, part of me wants some recognition, some acknowledgement for all the agony that comes with bringing a new life into the world. It's brutal. It really is. And although that is over, I live daily with the changes in my body. We all do. Well most of us do. I can honestly say that my mom's one tiny stretchmark really isn't bothering her. She looks great! Anyway, although being pregnant is tiring and uncomfortable, we women are so very lucky. James once told me how jealous he was that I could feel all the little flutters when they were too small to feel from the outside. I used to lay there at night and fall asleep with my hand on my tummy, touching my baby in the only way I could, and James felt a little envious. The whole process is beautiful, even the pain because it only makes you love your child more. The harder you work to achieve something, the more it means.

This last year has brought me more joy, more appreciation for life, and it has made me treasure my mom a million times over because I now understand how much she loves me. Words can't quite convey it. She always told me she'd do anything for me, that she'd die for me even now that I'm an adult, and I always knew she was serious, but I now I truly get it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think a mother's love for her child might be the closest thing to God's love because it's the most selfless. It's without conditions.

When I look at how much Olivia has changed since I first brought her home, I can hardly believe it. She's so beautiful, so intelligent. She amazes me. She won't sleep worth a darn, but she sure is awesome! I did expect her to be sleeping through the night, and I was wrong. I also didn't think she'd be sleeping with us, but you can't plan everything. I am thrilled though that we've made it a whole year with breastfeeding! YAY! My goal was no formula and we made it. I'll have to wait until next week to find out her height/weight.

Olivia's one year achievements:

Her eye/hand coordination has really become amazing. She can unscrew a cap off a water bottle, take it off, and then screw it back on. She manipulates those little hands pretty well! She likes to put toys inside other toys, and take off the top to my chapstick and then put it on again. She gets so angry if she can't do it correctly right away, and then she claps when she gets it right!

As of now, she says: mama, dada, eye, hair ("heh"), uh oh, hot, bye bye, hi, duck, and get get get! (what James says to the dog!) These are the ones she uses regularly, but she has also said balloon ("bawoo") and nose among others.

She can point to her eye, nose, mouth, ear, my earring (the grabs my earring as apposed to grabbing my whole ear), knee, sock, shoe, tonge, teeth, hand. She also knows where many things are in the house like the dog, fan, balloon (we always have one for her to play wth!), and she knows where the bananas are. She'll rub her face when I say "put on lotion" and she also pats her tummy on command. She's also starting to go get things we ask for.

Although she's shy around people she doesn't know, she waves to everyone now and says "hi". People are always so amazed that she's initiating conversation and she loves the attention!

And yet . . .

she's never been quick with physical milestones, which I don't mind saying since she's so strong verbally. She might read this someday and I don't want her to feel sad. :-( I worry she won't walk for months. Really. She's not vaguely interested. She'll walk around furniture some, but she doesn't even want to hold our hands and walk like she used to. She climbs are crawls, but that's it. She also rolled over and sat up kind of late. Yet she loves to read and points to lots of things on the pages (her favorite is to point out the stems on various fruits when we ask). I guess she's just more interested in verbal things. She has to walk eventually, right?

So tonight, as I was picking out a birthday card, I started to tear up thinking about how much she has changed, and how much more she'll have changed when I pick out a card next year. And I thought about how very much we love her, and how we were happy even before she came which doesn't make sense because now, life without her would be empty. None of the cards really conveyed all the feelings I have for her. Cutesy baby cards with words like "sweet girl" and "cute". Yet, the more grown up cards were too grown up. I wanted something meaningful, something that talked about bringing her into the world, and loving her with all my being, so I settled on something fuzzy with a bunny and I'll add my own words, words which will surely make me cry yet again as I write them. I already had a good cry last week as she laid on my chest, sleeping, her little fuzzy hear nestled in my neck. I tried to stifle my sobs so I didn't wake her, but I couldn't stop. I found myself crying over her eminent leaving and then I had to stop myself. We still have so much time.

So, if you read this far, thank you. Thank you for indulging me and letting me ramble on and on. :-)

Tomorrow will be a love letter of sorts to my Olivia. Tonight was all about my thoughts-- stuff I want to remember. It's for me. Tomorrow is for her.

Goodnight. I'll leave you with this. There will be plenty more pictures tomorrow!!!

Posted by Hannah at April 10, 2007 10:03 PM