May 28, 2007
It shouldn't matter what anyone thinks... but it does
I'm what you could call a reluctant lactivist. I am passionate about breastfeeding and its benefits, but I'm not pushy about it like some women are. I don't feel the need to preach about it all the time. It really is a personal decision, even though I believe it's the best way to go if you are able.
I used to be proud to share that I nurse, and while I guess I still am, I'm not as forthcoming about it as I was before Olivia turned a year old. I think the general thinking of most people is that you stop around a year, if you even nursed at all to begin with. Because Olivia doesn't nurse as often, I don't do it as much around other people, so there are many friends and family who probably don't know I still do. And it's not like I wouldn't tell them if they asked, I just don't advertise it because I feel like I have to follow up with an explanation when I admit that, yes, I'm still nursing.
It's not even like I think 13 months is very old. It isn't at all! I wish I didn't feel the need to justify my choice with things like, "the doctor encouraged me to continue" and "there are many continued health benefits" or "it helps allergies". Blah blah blah. I could probably talk until I'm blue in the face and it would still seem weird to some people. It's too bad, really. Our society doesn't support nursing like it should.
I know there are people close to me who think it's a bit odd, like my mother-in-law. She's awesome and we get along really well, but I know she thinks it's weird. She encouraged me to give Olivia milk when she was here in November. Afterall, she gave her kids whole milk around 6 months, and so did my mom because that's what doctors said back then. I explained that I wanted to nurse a full year, but I could tell she thought it was a little strange. Although to her credit, I don't even know if strange is the right word. Maybe unnessecary is a better word. She didn't think I needed to nurse that long.
So the other night, James was telling her a few things to buy for Olivia to have when we go there in a week. He told her to buy whole milk because Olivia does drink maybe 4 ounces a day (that might be a stretch-- it's more for things like making mashed potatoes). Anyway, she said something about Olivia now being on whole milk, and James told her that I also nurse Olivia. She said, "I would've weaned her immediately at a year. It's time to stop." But she wasn't as abrupt as it may sound, but I know she thought it was weird. Then James said something about, "well, she hardly nurses at all anymore. Just at night" which isn't even true. She nurses 4-5 times in a 24 hour period. Not too often, but more than just at night.
There are 2 ways to play this during the trip. I could 1) not mention it and do it in private while not sticking up for my choice (and supporting breastfeeding women everywhere), or 2) tell them, explain my decision, and try to convince them I'm right so they aren't judging me.
James doesn't think it's important to tell them, but I don't want to hide either. I'm not ashamed, but I'm not so proud as to cause an akward situation either. Sometimes I wish I was more of a lactivist, not an obnoxious one, just someone who avidly supports breastfeeding and tries to educate people about its benefits. There are many wonderful reasons to nurse past a year, besides the fact that your child isn't weaning very well. Frankly, I haven't even tried.
I hate that people look at extended breastfeeders as weirdos. I'm not weird. I have a very healthy, happy child whose never even had an ear infection (although I know many breastfed babies who have, so I'm not saying it's because I nurse-- I think Olivia has just been lucky).
I could go overboard and order pro-breastfeeding attire for all! :-)
for me:
for Olivia (it says "nursling"):
and maybe even something for James!
But seriously, I'm just not sure how to act. Do I hide it? Do I come right out and defend it? How do I handle James who'd probably rather I pretended I didn't nurse for the week. He supports nursing, but he's rather quiet and really doesn't care who else supports it.
I just hate that I'm in this position. I wish the automatic response when hearing a 13 month old is nursing could be "good for you!" rather than, "really? WHY?"
The American Academy of Pediatrics says this: "Breastfeeding should be continued for AT LEAST the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child."
I hate conroversey! I hate that it's so hard for me to defend myself and say what I really think aside from on this stupid blog!
**Just to clarify, I would NEVER buy any offensive clothes promoting breastfeeding. While I think it's important, many of them seem a bit obnoxious and pushy. I was just joking. :)**
Posted by Hannah at May 28, 2007 8:30 PM