Teatopia

Amazing (and VERY weird ex encounter)

The last week of my life has been such a learning experience. I haven't even blogged because I've been really doing some soul-searching and thinking about my life. I have felt so strongly that God has been working in my life, bringing things to my attention and just generally WOW-ing me. Amazing.

James comes from a family of strong faith, although far from perfect, they are God-loving people and I felt myself grow just from being around them. I also felt God pushing me to evaluate the way I view other people-- people who are different from me. We all have our judegments. I wouldn't say I'm a particularly judgemental person, but I did grow up in a near-perfect family, sheltered from those different than me and spending a week with people who are very different from me, yet have the same core faith, really opened my eyes. I already loved James's family, but for some reason, this time, I really fell in love with them. There were many tears when we parted ways Monday morning. I miss them so much. We had so many great conversations and it they meant so much to me!

I also had the privledge of learning more about someone who has always intrigued me, James's Uncle George. He's the one who laid hands on James and healed him when he had a horrible type of epilepsy. It was so bad that he had to wear a helmet and he was eventually going to be severely brain damaged from the almost-constant seizing. Although I grew up Christian, it always seemed weird to me that his uncle healed him. It seemed silly, happy-clapper-ish. But now that I know more about his uncle, I believe it. His faith was amazing, yet he wasn't always faithful. He actually reminds me of C.S. Lewis, who waivered in his faith throughout his whole life. When he was close to God, he was VERY close, and when he wasn't, he was far away. George was a walking encyclopedia of knowledge about the bible and many other Christian books. He was fascinating when I met him, but sadly, I never got the chance to speak with him further because he died in October 2005. Just before he died, he had lapsed in his faith again and had been drinking, but just before the accident that killed him, God spoke to his sister (James's aunt Melissa who we stayed with) and told her in a dream that George needed to come back to him. And he did, just before he died. There are many other too-much-to-be-a-coincidence type things that led up to his death, and I felt a stronger faith hearing George's story.

I just finished reading "He Came to Set the Captives Free" last night, which was recommended by James's mom and aunt. Amazing and freaky! A must read for any Christian.

But perhaps the oddest thing to happen on my trip took place in the airport. I think it has got to be the strangest thing to ever happen to me, and the most bittersweet. I'd like to give you some history on this person, but don't feel comfortable to be doing so on this blog. I am in the process of setting up another so I can write privately from time to time, like Chas. I will have a "sign-up" when it's ready. Anyway, let me suffice with this: there was a man I once loved with my whole heart before James. We were together for more than three years. In some ways, it was a relationship of obsessive love, and although I love James more than I loved him, the relationship haunts me. In fact, I dreamed of him the night before we left, which was so weird. I woke up thinking, "huh?". I think it's been unsettled subconsciously because I never really mourned the relationship. It ended suddenly, and I met James so soon after that I never quite recovered. I'm hesitant to call James a rebound because generally a rebound is someone you go out with because you want to dive back in a relationship. It wasn't like that with James. I prayed about him and I believe whole-heartedly that God meant for me to marry him. He is my match. He gets me. Yet, in many ways, I wasn't ready emotionally for such a deep relationship, yet I was thankful for it. Anyway, before James there was Doug. I've mentioned him before. Doug lives in the midwest (no details). I've talked to him a couple times in the last few years via IM, but it had been a while this time, and I never thought I'd talk to him again.

Well, as James and I were eating lunch at the airport Monday afternoon, I heard Doug paged. His name isn't that common (Doug isn't his real name), but it's not so different that someone else couldn't have the same name. James and I looked at each other and I kind of froze. James assured me it wasn't him because it was an airport-wide page and it was probably someone with the same names considering we were in Maryland and Doug lives in the midwest. I jokingly told James we should sneak a peak (have you seen "Only You" when they page Damon Bradley? If you have, you know what I'm talking about), but James reminded me that we didn't even know where they'd paged him to. We went on eating our lunch. A while later, I was sitting at our gate, and I felt someone looking at me. I looked up, and there was Doug, sitting at MY GATE, beginning to approach me. I don't think my heart has ever pounded so hard. I was shocked. I had just dreamed about him the night before. Suddenly, I felt silly, knowing that I was heavier and dumpy looking (I was in comfy travel attire). It's not that I wanted to impress him, just that I wish I could've been prepared. What ensued was a two-hour conversation where my extremely awesome husband played with Olivia so I could talk. It sounds weird to me now, but James knows I love him, and he talked with us, even telling me later how nice Doug was. I have a very awesome husband, and I only hope that faced with the same situation, I'd have the same confidence that James has. I think I would've been jealous. Maybe that's a girl thing? I felt like there was real closure after talking to him. We've both changed so much, and I can honestly say that if I was single and meeting him again, or even meeting him for the first time and not having a past with him, I would NOT have been interested. In fact, it was hard to see what I used to see in him. He looks the same, but there was no spark. Nothing. And it gave me such relief because I felt like I let him go. It's not that I still had feelings for him, because I definitely didn't, but it's a part of my life that seemed unfinished because I simply closed that door when we parted. There was no grieving, analyzing, anger, pain, nothing. I simply met James and went on. Not healthy. I KNOW, in my heart of hearts, that God arranged this meeting. It's ironic that Doug told me how sheltered he thought I'd been, that I didn't understand the real world or those different from me. At first I was offended that he'd speak so plainly to me after so long, but then I realized. He was affirming the same thing God had laid on my heart already. Doug is not a Christian (a very big part of our relationship ending), but I still believe God arranged this. What are the chances otherwise? He wasn't even on my flight! He was on a delayed flight leaving after ours at the same gate, traveling to a completely different state than he lives in. He said that just a few days back, he was passing through Atlanta and thought of me because he knew I lived somewhere in Georgia. We agreed to keep in touch, but in thinking about it, maybe that's not such a good idea. All's been said. There's closure (at least for me, I'm not sure he needed any), yet there's a part of me that's curious and would like to keep in touch. There are no feelings left. I'm sure of that. I sat right there and looked into those baby blues that used to drive me crazy, and I thought, "did I REALLY love this man THAT much?" I know one thing, it made me happy I married James. It made me appreciate him more and thank God for sending me a Christian man with strong morals and a good work ethic.

You know, I may just be done with the whole Doug thing. I don't think I want to tell you our history because it's done. It's over and I love James, the man I was meant to marry. But I still want a private blog, so I'll keep you posted on that.

For now, here are some special pictures from the last week.

Five generations (from left to right: Olivia's great great grandmother, great grandmother, James, James's mom, and then Olivia in the front):

Olivia is even more obsessed with balls since the trip because her cousins like sports. She screamed the day after we got back because I had one of those small, round watermelons in the grocery cart and she wanted it. She screamed "BA! BA!" over and over again!

I have more, but didn't finish uploading them. James just grabbed my camera. We had to call the cops last night on some drunk teens partying behind our house because the almost ran us over (they did hit a curb and they tossed beer cans in our yard while we were standing outside. Tonight, they're back and James is trying to videotape them (not smart). He called the cops again. Our neighborhood is not trashy, but lately there have been some low down things going on. He's telling me the neighbor called the cops too. Gotta go.

Posted by Hannah at June 14, 2007 06:51 PM