Today, I was driving around a local shopping center on my way to buy another nursing bra when I saw a man and a young woman cross the street. Before it even registered who they were, I found myself stopping my car in the middle of traffic to get a closer look.
Then it hit me who they were: my biological dad and my sister Katie. My mom was with me and she agreed that yes, it was him. Then I saw him get into a sporty car (so like him) and saw his college alumni license plate holder and a Nascar sticker (the man is obsessed with all things that go fast).
I quickly made a u-turn and pulled up behind his car (he wouldn't know me so I didn't care if he saw me). He was in the process of pulling out when he saw my car, so he stopped. I waved him out and out he pulled and drove off. And that was that.
I've been waiting to see him. Not because I wanted to but because I knew I would at some point, this being a small town and all.
Weird, just too weird. I don't know how I felt. My heart was pounding and I felt strange. It did occur to me that this was probably the closest he'd ever get to his only grandchild. Can you imagine if he'd known his daughter, ex-wife, and grand-daughter were the ones waving him to go ahead?
Obviously, after my last post (which I linked to above), I never contacted my sister. It just hasn't felt right. Maybe someday, but for now, maybe our lives are best they way they are.
Posted by Hannah at August 26, 2007 12:52 AMOh Hannah, I'm so sorry! I know you must've had a rush of MANY emotions going on. How sad for him that he's missing the chance to get to know his wonderful daughter & granddaughter! He doesn't know what he's missing!!!! (((Hugs)))
Posted by: connie at August 26, 2007 02:33 PMI cannot *imagine* having an encounter like that! Didn't he see your mom sitting in the car with you and recognize her? Holy cow, *not* to know that your daughter and granddaughter were the ones waving him along in the car behind him? That's just amazing.
Posted by: Lisanne at August 26, 2007 04:38 PMOh Hannah, that's got to be rough. I think I've told you before that my mom has a similar situation to yours. I'm not saying that you shouldn't ever contact your dad, but my mom let her biological father back into her life when she was in her late twenties, and it was probably one of the darkest spots in her life. It was really very hard on my grandmother, and she actually told me a few weeks ago that watching my mom go through that was actually harder on her than any other time in her life. It was also really hard for me (as a ten year old) to witness...it was just bad all around. It didn't work out in the end; they don't speak; he is such a selfish person.
Of course, I hope that would never happen to you if you took that step, but just know that no one is going to think you're making the wrong decision if you decide not to go there.
Posted by: Chas at August 26, 2007 11:16 PM