Second pregnancies are different. I'm only a little over a month along and I've already decided that. Emotionally, everything is different. I've been fighting the "been there, done that" feeling that I seem to be having. I guess it's only normal since I have been here before. It's not that I'm not thrilled to be doing it again, because I am, but with a toddler occupying my every minute, there's isn't much room left to dwell on being pregnant.
With Olivia, there was the constant awareness of the life growing inside me. When I was teaching, the thought "Oh my gosh! I'm really pregnant!" would creep into my mind constantly. I'd think about it in the morning when I woke up, and touch my tummy throughout the day just to be closer to what was growing inside me. Now, my every thought is pretty much centered around Olivia, which is completely normal, but it's just very different from before.
In many ways, I feel guilty that I'm not as focused this time around. The day I found out I was pregnant with Olivia, I went out and bought her some presents. The day I found out I was pregnant this time, I went and bought Olivia a present. Very different this time.
Then there are the fears about loving another child, etc. etc. I have been assured this is normal, but I feel guilty none the less. I'm almost too scared to get attached anyway because it's so early.
Obviously, the process of preparing for another child is going to bring about big changes. We need to get Olivia out of our bed, and we need to do it WAY before the baby comes so she doesn't face too many changes at once. I'm alrady mourning the loss of not having her next to me. I kiss her so much while she sleeps that James yells at me because he thinks I'll wake her up. I bury my face in her hair and snuggle with her. It's a pleasure I may never again have, so I want to savour it and take it all in. I'm also anticipating weaning Olivia. Not a good anticipation, but an expectant one because I'm assuming, like many babies, she'll wean since I'm pregnant. Then again, she may be one of the ones that doesn't, and I'm not sure what we'll do then. I want her to initiate it. Does it really hurt anything if she continues to nurse? She doesn't do it often. I want my body back, but at the same time I dread the time when she no longer needs my breast for comfort. I'll miss her asking for "boof" and giving me kisses, which is what she does when she really wants something. I'm getting choked up now just thinking about it.
I don't know if I'm ready for someone else to take Olivia's place. She'll always be my first born and I know I'll love them equally, but I don't want to get her out of my bed and off my breast just so someone else can take her place, yet somehow I know it'll be fine when the time comes. It's just hard to think about now because I'm feeling protective of her. I don't want her to feel jealous or left out. Am I silly?
So there you have it. I feel guilty for not obsessing about being pregnant, but guilty for being pregnant and having to move Olivia to her own room (somethng I've dreaded for months) and probably having to wean her. Why all the guilt? Maybe I'm just really emotional. Is it too soon to be experiencing crazy hormones?
Posted by Hannah at October 3, 2007 08:01 PMI have no first-hand experience in this particular arena, but I'm guessing these are all pretty normal feelings. Are you moving Olivia to her own bed because you're concerned the bed will get too crowded, or because of something else? If the former, you might try setting up a bed or a pallet in your room, so she gets used to her own sleeping space, without feeling so alone in another room. I do have friends who continued to breastfeed and co-sleep with their first child, through a second pregnancy and beyond. Random thought, but I'm impressed that you're pregnant again, considering the co-sleeping ;)
One last thing, I thought of you today when I heard on a podcast about a book called " I'm Pregnant! Now What Do I Eat?" - nutritional advice and recipes.
I think everything you're feeling is completely normal, all the extra hormones. I've read that it's fine to continue nursing while pregnant, usually the baby stops because lack of or the taste is different, she may not wean at all. How exciting though you'll have time to obsess, just different times than you expect. ;)
Posted by: emmakirsten at October 3, 2007 11:20 PMOh my goodness! Big, BIG congratulations!!! I think you sound completely normal... and just like a beautiful, loving mum. Hearing your talk about your daughter like that is just amazing. I wouldn't worry about all the things you are thinking about at the moment - it sounds like you are processing everything and making really sensible plans for when the time comes (if the time comes, re. cosleeping, weaning etc). And yeah, pregnant hormones will do it to you every time! Congrats again and take care!!!
Posted by: Melissah at October 4, 2007 07:32 AMYes, of course you're emotional right now! But ... no one will *ever* take Olivia's place. That's for sure. Those changes will come when all of you are ready for them and when the time is right. Lucas stopped nursing around his first birthday, and it was perfect timing. Just happened to work out for everyone all around. And I'm sure that things will work out for you, too! Second pregnancies ARE different. It's OK to feel that, "been there, done that" emotion. Look at it this way ~ you have that first experience under your belt and know more about what to expect. You can hopefully be a bit more relaxed ~ a seasoned mama ~ and know more about what's going on! I think that it's more peaceful the second time because I didn't worry about every single thing.
Posted by: Lisanne at October 4, 2007 08:42 AMOh, and I'd like to add ... I know what you mean by "loving your two children equally," but ... I think that it's more of a "multiplying the joy" thing. If that makes sense. You know? Like, my heart just overflowed with love when I met Meredith and saw the connection between our two children. It just makes your heart burst and you have no idea that you could feel *that* much joy!
Posted by: Lisanne at October 4, 2007 08:44 AMI don't think it's too early @ all to have the hormones flowing & feeling all that you're feeling. For most moms, I think that's one of the 1st worries that they have when they have their 2cd child~having enough love for both of them/replacing the 1st. Having experienced it though, I can say, that the love only magnifies~w/me it did anyway. You just always seem to have enough love to go around. You may worry now about Olivia being replaced but that's so not true. I saw on Lisanne's Mom's blog once & I hope Lisanne doesn't mind that I'm sharing it. Just always think "Mabel"~that means Moms Always Bring Enough Love! That has stuck w/me since I saw it on Lisanne's Mom's blog & it's SO SO true!
I know things may feel pressured as far as preparing for your 2cd baby (i.e., moving Olivia to her room, breastfeeding, etc) but things will fall into place & you'll know what is best for YOUR family :)
(((Hugs))) to you Hannah~everything will be just fine; you'll see :)
Posted by: connie at October 4, 2007 09:37 AMI think you are acting perfectly rationally. And, are being very good in considering her feelings. It is going to be a transition. And, that's okay. With toddlers this is a normal progression. You are not silly at all.
Posted by: Anglophile Football Fanatic at October 4, 2007 02:17 PMHannah, you have 9 months (or a little less now) to figure everything out. You don't have to be in a hurry to make all of these changes. I know families with three children, and all five family members share a bed. Would I do it? Absolutely not, but that's me. You are you, and if you want to continue sleeping with Olivia, then do it. Lila was the one who finally initiated sleeping in her crib (she got very restless sleeping with us), and I did feel a little lonely without her since she'd been there for almost a year, but I got over it quickly. As for the nursing, there's plenty of time to wean her from that as well. You really shouldn't feel guilty. You've given Olivia what she needs for a good while, and you'll continue giving her what she needs, just in a different way. I think all breastfeeding moms kind of mourn the end of nursing; I know I did. I do think with that you should probably begin the process soon if you're going to have it done before Baby #2 arrives. I say this only b/c if you have only just weaned Olivia right before Baby comes, then she might notice that she doesn't get to do it anymore and the baby does.
Posted by: Chas at October 4, 2007 10:43 PMWe slept with 4 in the bed (I hear a song starting)...My husband, my daughter (newborn), me and my son (18 months). We had the basinett (which wasn't used) against the side with my son as a bed rail. It was a tight fit but we did it. We did it for almost 5 months. It was a great feeling to wake up with my 2 kids right next to me. In the end, my daughter didn't want it and was really restless so we moved her out. I don't think you *have* to move Olivia out. Do what is right for you guys!!! It always works out!
Posted by: Melissa at October 5, 2007 01:02 PMI think that feeling guilty is just part of being a mom. There's always something! Olivia will always be your first born no matter how many kids you have and there will always be that special bond that she got to have you all to herself. I always feel guilty for not having enough time for the second one and I also didn't think about being prego as much with the second just because there wasn't enough time! You are not silly. Just very normal and it's hard not to stress a little about all the changes that will come but if you take everything one step at a time and do it so that it works for YOUR family then I'm sure you won't have any problems at all. Or at least very few. :)
Posted by: villagegirl at October 5, 2007 06:15 PMHi Hannah! I just wanted to let you know that I changed my blog url & blog name~you can now find me @ http://devotedmama.blogspot.com. Please update your link! Sorry if it's any trouble ;)
Posted by: Connie at October 6, 2007 04:43 PMHannah...this is so normal. I had ALL those feelings, worries. All of them. Yet, when they put Jason in my arms, it was different. It was not the same was when my first child was born since he was not my first child. The love was not the same as he is not the same child. My love was JUST as strong though.
It will be okay. I promise