Lately, things have been stressful to say the least. There are times I think I'll simply lose my mind because of everything going on, and other times, I feel God's peace and I'm thankful for the blessings in my life-- and there are many.
My mom hasn't been doing so well. She's having trouble keeping up with her exercises and she's in terrible pain. I've watched people in my family have knee replacements before. There is a rare condition in my family that causes leg deformities (I'm not a carrier) so leg surgeries are nothing new, but my mom's was extremely complicated because of the severe nature of her deformities. From the outside, her legs have always looked fairly normal besides off-center knee caps, but inside, the bones are not formed properly and she's missing parts. It's going to be a long recovery.
My grandma finds out tomorrow whether or not she has cancer, pre-cancer, or something completely different. If she has cancer, I will be devestated. Few people I've ever known are as close to their grandmas as I am. I talk to her every single day. I see her several times a week, at least 4. I have never lived more than 15 minutes from her my entire life, no matter what state we were in. She is a second mother to me. I tell her everything. How many teenages do you know who talk to their grandmothers about their boyfriends? She has always been my advice giver. Seeing her with Olivia brings tears to my eyes. I know she has to go someday, but I'm not ready. She has to get to know this new baby. I am terrified. Please pray for her.
I'm trying to juggle family duties (and taking care of a high-maintenance toddler) and be a good organizer of my Christian mom's group. It's been a rough start, and although I have been diligent about not saying anything negative (besides on my blog) about the group I left (Karen's group), rumors are flying. It would take me a million years to get into everything, but I'm very confused and angry as to why our shared members (people who are in our group and Karens) have no problem with Karen talking about us behind our backs all the time (many people have told me what she says) yet people are mad at me and my co-organizer for, in their words, judging Karen. Because we left to start a Christian group, they think we must be judgmental of her and her group because it wasn't good enough. People will find fault in anything. It just makes me mad because my co-organizer and I have been so careful not to say anything negative about Karen or her group so we could keep a clean, Christian reputation, and it hasn't made any difference. People assume the worst anyway. We've been praying hard for our group, and things are better. The people who just wanted drama are gone, and the ones left are awesome, Christian moms with awesome kids. Before I end this topic, I have to say one thing that gave me just a little satisfaction, even if it's wrong to feel this way. Karen has tried hard to eliminate any group in the area but hers. I've heard her say things about other groups in the past, so I have no doubt she hates ours, too. She "coincidentally" schedules events at the same time as ours, and yesterday, she scheduled an event at the library at the same time as ours. We couldn't be sure she did it on purpose, but it's a safe bet. Well, when we got there, she was arguing with the library because she wanted her "usual" room, the one we were in. They explained that we booked it first, so really, by scheduling her event at the same time, she screwed herself out of her room. Maybe she learned something. I can proudly say that I've done nothing to hurt her or her group and I don't see it as a competition. I don't want her members. I left them for a reason. :-) If I only have a few members who are kind, drama-free people, I'll be thrilled.
I think all the stress and physical stuff I've been doing (cleaning, helping my mom, baking for friends and family, carrying heavy packages to the post office) has caused me to spot again. It's light, and there's no cramping or dark red blood. The doctor assures me all is well with the little one (and I think I'm feeling flutters maybe), but I know I'm doing too much. I wish I had a day to myself. Tomorrow night, I'm going with some friends to see "The Business of Being Born" hosted by our local birth network, so I'm excited about that. It might help me make some decisions about the birth I want this time.
In Olivia news, she is as funny as ever.
She insists regularly that she "pegnant" and says "Have beebee in my tummeeeee." She tells me she loves me all time time and that I'm pretty. Then she says, "eeeya (she calls herself this) pretty, too!" She calls Santa everyday on her pretend phone and tells him she wants a dolly. It makes me tear-up seeing her do all these things. Her vocabulary continues to amaze me. She's speaking better than most 2 year olds I know. The pediatrician assures us she's extremely advanced. :-) I just need to remind myself all kids learn at different paces and this next one might be totally different. I'm guessing that unlike Olivia, he/she will walk early and talk much later and be the total opposite.
We find out the sex in a week and a half. Don't forget to vote.
Well, that concludes this update. Time for bed...
Posted by Hannah at December 12, 2007 09:29 PMI know that must be so difficult to be going through so much at once, especially around the holidays. (why does that seem to make it worse?) What a blessing to have Olivia around the brighten your days! :)
You'll have to tell us how you liked The Business of Being Born. I have yet to see it (although one of my friends have seen the movie) but I would definitely love to one day!
Posted by: Jessica at December 13, 2007 07:26 AMI will pray for your mom and grandma. I hope all is well with both very soon.
I'm sorry your former group is giving you and other such problems. I guess they forgot the meaning and point huh?
We find out the gender the beginning of January. I am so excited. I was a better talker and late walker than my brother who walked at eight months but talking took a bit longer. Not sure if it had to do with being the second baby or a gender factor?
Posted by: Ani at December 13, 2007 09:52 AMI'm sorry you're going through so much. Just earlier I was thinking about you and your last post, and thinking that you're probably carrying more than your fair share (literally and figuratively). Go easy on yourself - it all doesn't need to get done.
I saw "The Business of Being Born" last week and it was really good.
I hope that the news on your grandma and your mom is good news. Hugs.
It's so hard to see those that we love hurt so much...I just wrote a bit about that in a post yesterday. I too am very close to my grandma, and the relationship you described that you have with yours is much the same as mine. It's so hard to see them getting older, but yet at the same time it's going to happen whether we are ready for it or not. My grandma just had a health scare too. She had breast cancer 11 years ago and beat it. At that time she pleaded with God and asked Him to heal her and give her 10 more years. Well, He did that, and now that she was just not feeling well and having strange symptoms she was so scared her cancer was back. Thankfully after a few weeks of tests & waiting she got good news.
Thinking of you!!
Posted by: Amber at December 15, 2007 12:32 PM