Teatopia

Loving

I haven't done a post about things I love in a while, so I thought I'd follow GFF's lead!

I'm addicted to these Soy Crisps. They say you should have some soy every day! My favorite is BBQ!

Now here's something even more yummy than BBQ soy crisps, Jonathan Rhys Myers! James and I are really into this show. I'm interested in British History from this time period (studied it at my semester abroad at Cambridge), but I also like looking at King Henry. My mom once commented that he looks like I guy I dated. Weird. James thinks he's ugly, and although I don't find him techincally attractive, there's just something sexy about him. Can't help it.

There's nothing like using this Eucalyptus Spearmint Aromatherapy shampoo after I'm hot from running (or looking at Jonathan Rhys Myers), or after a long day. It makes my scalp tingle. :-)

I adore this magazine. Afterall, I didn't name my blog "teatopia" for nothing! This month's is all about spas. Ahhh...how I'd love a day at the spa, but my check book won't allow it.

While I'm on the subject of tea, I love these Tazo® Green Tea Frappuccinos. I love matcha, but these also have a melon-like flavor. Perfect for the hot weather we've been having.

Since I don't have as much time to cook as I used to (a combo of having a baby and James not being here much), I love these crock pot meals by Banquet. I love my crock pot, and these are so easy!

This guitar is Olivia's current favorite toy. She likes to try and imitate the sounds and it keeps her busy when I have things to do. I love it because it makes her so happy. Her face lights up whenever she sees it!

This one's random!

This entry may seem a bit disjointed. I couldn't narrow down what I wanted to write about, so I decided to write about it all!

First, I didn't mean to imply in my last entry that Olivia is a late walker at 12 months. I know this is the average age. It's more that I believe she WILL be a late walker. Her lack of interest in walking coupled with the fact that she's never been interested in doing anything physical particularly early, I've just figured she's got a while. However, she seems to have a new-found interest in walking the past few days, so maybe I should just eat my words!

Today is really hot, but it's also gorgeous, so Olivia met B for coffee and strolled along a shopping center. I had to return this movie to B that he wanted me to see. It's a gay parody of American Pie, and although parts were funny, it was a bit crude for me. It did make me laugh though. James asked why B wanted me to see it. I have no idea, but he's so good to me, so I figured I'd humor him. It was definitely interesting . . . After coffee, I browsed some stores for a picture to put above my couch. I'm doing some (cheap) redecorating and organizing. Last night, while Olivia was sleeping in her crib (yes! in her crib! for a few hours!), I cleaned and organized the living room and dining room. I think watching HGTV has suddenly put me into a funk about my house. When we bought the house, we bought new furniture for about half the rooms, but sadly, because no one much sees the master bedroom, it's been seriusly neglected. So when the bottom of one of my dreser drawers gave out the other day, I decided it was time for some change! James told me that I shouldn't stuff so many clothes into the drawers, and although he's probably right, we need new furniture anyway! I plan on tearing down the border in our kitchen I've never really liked, and doing some other inexpensive changes. If we stay in this house, it'll be nice to have change, and if we sell it, these changes will make it more sellable! James will get a raise when he finishes his master's this summer, and we're talking about maybe moving a bigger house. We'd ultimately like to move out of this area because we miss the snow and people here can't drive worth crap (more on that later), but we'd like to move north when my parents do, and that won't be for 3 years or so, but probably no more than that. They are moving to another house in a few weeks, and it would be financially bad if they didn't stay at least a couple years. I'm fine with staying here a few more if I know we'll move somewhere else after that.

As for the drivers, people here run red lights constantly, and no one, and I mean NO ONE, pays a bit of attention to the yield signs. People will practically run you off the road "merging" into your lane. And I'm not exaggerating or being overly sensitive. I learned to drive in the DC area, so I know bad drivers, and I can tell you, although there are far fewer drivers here, they are much worse. I see more accidents here than I did there. I think it's because people are more conscious in cut-throat driving areas like DC. You have to be. Here, it's like they are oblivious. That's my theory anyway. I can't imagine why else it would be worse in a not-so-big-town like here.

Brushing Olivia's teeth has become part of our daily routine. I originally thought there'd be no way she'd let me brush her teeth without putting up a good fight. She never lets me check her mouth for teeth, and she hates me to cut her nails, or any other thing that requires her to stay still. She's even a very distracted nurser during the day. But from the start, I made it a point to make brushing her teeth fun. I'd sing songs, and make noises, and tickle the top of her mouth, and now she loves it! She opens her mouth immediately when she sees me putting toothpaste on her toothbrush. She loves it so much, that yesterday, she spent nearly 30 mins brushing her own teeth.

Finally, I took it away from her and she got really upset.

I've also been thinking about this friend I have. I always seem to attach myself to people who suck the life right out of me. There's a difference between friends who need help and genuinely deserve it (I hate to put it like that, like it's my place to judge who deserves it, but you know what I mean), but what about people who make foolish choices and don't try very hard, and then expect everyone else to pull them out of it? I once had a friend like this who literally used me for everything she could. I'm such a sucker when it comes to situations like this because I wanted to help her. That's what Christians are supposed to do. But where do you draw the line? She came to my house at all hours of the night because she'd have a fight with her boyfriend (and later husband). I'd change the sheets in the guest room just to have her back a few night later. She had no money because she couldn't make good decisions, so I often bought her lunch, coffee, etc. She'd spend money on her b/f, or on fancy wine, and then not have money to pay bills. ??????? There were a few times we bought their dinner (hers and her husband's) and they never reciprocated and finally, I felt like I was being stepped on, so I gradually stopped making myself available to her, and it stopped. Thank God. The friend I have now isn't really like this (not asking for stuff), but talks all the time about she has no money, even for things for her child, but then she doesn't really work. She could be getting help from the govt, but she doesn't. If I go to lunch, she complains that she can't go because she has no money, and then I feel like I should offer, but why should I? She hasn't fallen on hard times. She just doesn't make good choices. I don't want to get suckered in, because like I said, I am a sucker. A big one. Last night, she called MF to ask if she could mow her lawn for $$, and MF felt bad because she didn't need her to mow her lawn, and we all know she couldn't mow MF's lawn anyway because she has a baby and nothing to do with him, so is MF supposed to babysit, while this girl mows her lawn AND pays her for a service she doesn't need??? MF is the sweetest person, and such a good friend, but I know we're both a little uncomfortable about the situation. We often make plans in secret to go to lunch because we know this other girl can't go. And we're in a position where we see her several times a week, so we can't just not hang out with her. Like I said, I am MORE than thrilled to help someone who needs it. She wants to be a work-from-home mom, but she's gotten involved with this BS pyramid scheme thing which brings in no money, and only started that recently (her son is around O's age). I've kindly tried to warn her to be careful and suggested (without trying to interfere) that if she had to pay to get this job and hasn't even made money, than it's probably bad news. What's the Christian thing to do? I get the feeling she's hinting, a lot!

Sorry for the complete randomness of this entry. Not only did I have a lot on my mind, I've had to stop a million times to play with Olivia! :-)

Rainy Day

Today was going to be a lazy rainy days. At least that's what I wanted. I always seem to find things to do, but we did enjoy a few quiet hours this afternoon, which is significant when you have a one year old! It was a good day, except for this morning. This morning was awful.

I let our two little dogs out while I fed Olivia her breakfast, and when I went to call them back in 15 minutes or so later, they weren't in our yard, which is fenced in. Then I remembered. The lawn guy had come thing morning to fertilize and spray for weeds, and he's not good about closing the gate. I wasn't sure what to do, because I knew the dogs would be far away by now. I know them. I decided to leave Olivia at home because I knew I couldn't carry her and them. She was safe and strapped in her high chair, happily eating little pieces of mango and strawberry. I ran up the street where they've gone before and from the start I was dying because my pilates teacher kicked our butts last night. I was so sore, but I ran and ran up the street. No dogs. Then I heard barking way down the road on the other side of our house, so I painfully ran back down the road, passing my house on the way to the next street. When I passed my house, I could hear Olivia crying from the street. I started to cry too, feeling like a horrible mother and not knowing what else to do. My dogs had no collars because we bathed them last night and I hadn't put the collars on yet. I was also scared because we had a scary dog loose the other night and it almost attacked me. Finally, after what seemed like forever (but not more than 10 mins), a lady down another side street asked me if I was looking for dogs, and she pointed me in the right direction. The whole way back, carrying my dogs, I thought I was going to fall. The muscles in my legs were quivering from last night. But I made it. Poor Olivia was so mad I left, that she threw all her fruit on the floor, which required much carpet cleaning. Then she punished me by demanding to be held for the next hour. I feel bad that I left, but I was never out of site from my house, and I knew she was safe. My mom said that there's always the chance that she could've choked (I always watch her eat and). I hadn't thought of that at the time. I was just so scared of my tiny dogs getting run over by all the people who speed on our street.

Ok, enough about that!

For lunch, we took Thai food to my mom, and then tonight, we went to dinner with my family and then Olivia and I headed to Target where I found the cutest stuff in the dollar section. I bought these super cute little pots that come with seeds to grow herbs. I used to cook with many different herbs and I'd like to get back in the habit. I'm trying to be more health conscious as I continue to struggle losing the weight I want and also as Olivia eats more table food. I'll share some of the healthy things I plan to make soon.

For now, I've been spending any spare time I can baking for this American Cancer Society fundraiser my moms' group is involved with, and tonight, I made some quick lemon bars while Olivia played with the dog food and pushed her new school bus all over the kitchen. She is so much fun to be with! This evening, I kept telling her that I loved her, and she said, "iluhyou" which obviously melted my heart eventhough I know she's merely repeating. She repeats many things these days. She has this guitar that plays music, and it says "yahoo!" and she sings "woowoo!" and she also repeats the "oh yeah!" She loves it so much that I've made it the official car toy so she has something to keep her busy. She's been fussier in the car lately because she doesn't fall asleep like she used to. Although I'm tired of hearing it play over and over and over again, I love listening to her sing along and repeat the sounds. So cute. I love the little voices they have at this age!

I think she's getting closer to walking. I'm torn between wanting her to start now, and enjoying her being a baby I can carry around. I'm not really worried about her behind though since she's so advanced verbally. I've just accepted that physically, she's not going to be as fast as other babies. I think all babies do things in their own time, and everyone has different strengths. I know people who did everything late as babies and they've turned out to be intelligent adults!

Milestones aside (which I hate anyway), she brings me such joy! She loves playing with her fridge letters, and so does the dog! He's eaten most of the good letters, so I can't make many words anymore. :-(

I took this picture outside of Target this evening. This rainbow went all the way across the sky. A perfect arch. It was so big, I couldn't capture the whole thing. If you look closely, you can see a smaller, fainter one next to it.

Well, good night! Have an early start tomorrow. Breakfast @ Panera and then I'm going running. Love my jogging stroller!

Finding Comfort in the Mundane

Is it really sad that when Olivia slept today (for a whole 20 mins), I found serenity in cutting coupons? Since my life has turned into this constant frenzy, there's just something calming about doing mundane things. Reading used to be my escape, but now it feels like it just requires too much brain power, which I usually don't have. Now, I find refuge in silly things like cleaning, making lists, and coupon cutting! I think these tasks give me a sense of control. My house is messier than it's ever been and I seldom have time to do anything, so I feel great satisfaction when I vaccuum or do laundry. It's not even about getting things accomplished really, it's more about the fact that they are simple, mindless tasks and I feel like I can unwind when I do them.

And while I'm sounding crazy, I have a question. Do any of you moms ever get to go to the bathroom alone? I suppose if you work you do, but I don't think I've gone to the bathroom alone in months. I always have to bring Olivia, and even when James is home, Olivia screams "mama! mama!" and rather than waiting a minute, he often brings her in. And even when she doesn't come in, I can hear her screaming for me on the other side of the door, so I never am alone!

No wonder I find comfort in mindless things. I can't even potty without holding a baby on my lap, or stopping her from eating toilet paper if she's on the floor!

Bad Blogger

Oh my gosh. I've been such a bad blogger lately. Let's see...

First of all, Olivia has been fussy and feverish. I can't tell if it's from her shots or from teething, but either way, she's not happy. :-( But in spite of not feeling well, she's the cutest thing and always makes me laugh! Today, she pulled out tissue after tissue from the box, holding each one to her nose and blowing before pulling out the next one. She gets the concept of blowing, but she doesn't blow hard enough to get anything out, just to make the sound. So funny! She also is absoltely obsessed with phones. She now says "hello" and holds just about everything up to her ear.

Yesterday, we had nursery duty at church. There were 7 babies, 5 of them were screaming for the longest time. I thought I was going to go nuts. Olivia was crying out of jealousy I think because she saw me comforting the other babies, and naturally, I cared most about comforting her! Finally, three of the moms came and got their kids, so we were left with four. A much more managable number! You know, I used to think I loved all babies so much and I thought I could change any of them or wipe any of their noses. I'm beginning to think that's not true. I still love babies, but I really don't like changing other kids' poop (and boy did I yesterday! So did James. Go him!) and I had snot on my shirt and in my hair. Yuck! But with Olivia, or another baby I know (like MF's baby), I really wouldn't care. Olivia decided she'd join the poop club and had a blow out all over her new mongramed bloomers. I'll have to post a pic later!

Speaking of pics, I know, I know! Hair pictures! I haven't picked up a camera in days. I will take one though. Things have just been hard between Olivia not feeling well and James being gone a lot lately. It's crunch time for him because he is finishing up grad school (only a few weeks left this summer) and he's been so busy! We are really proud of him though. He was nominated for an elite honors society and we attended the initiation yesterday. My mom had to stand outside with poor Olivia since she was so fussy!

I feel like all I've been doing is comforting O and baking. Saturday, I baked a butterscotch pound cake and oh my freaking goodness! It was so good! Then, I had to bake cookies last night for this American Cancer Society bake sale, and then tonight, two dozen cupcakes for a moms's group thing. Not an easy task with Olivia, so my mom helped watch her. Speaking of my moms' group, there's been some petty stuff going on the past few days. Our message board is filled with nasty drama. It feels like high school again. I decided to stay out of it, but the more it goes on, the more I want to tell them to have some class! Ugh. It's hard to be the bigger person and I must say, our organizer is handling it with class and style. Some of the beef is with her, and she hasn't said anything nasty. I just hate the women can be so petty. Men don't seem to get like that. Some of these moms are acting like children, when we're supposed to be the parents here!

Off to catch up on my blog reading before bedtime. I'm so tired!

But first, something to make you laugh!

You can make one here!

Hair, 12 month appt, and other stuff

Well, I did it. I dyed my hair from a box that lied. It was supposed to be darker, but now my hair is lighter than it was before on the bottom, and only slightly lighter on top. At least it's blended a bit better. At first the top was red and I freaked out, but it faded thank goodness!

Olivia had her 12 month appointment a few days ago and has been a bit under the weather since then. Poor baby. It went well, except for the shots. They pricked her finger to do a standard anemia test, which was normal, and she didn't mind that at all, but she cried huge crocodile tears after the shots. I actually started to cry too. I was really good the last few times, but for some reason, it was harder to watch this time.

I was a bit surprised by her heght and weight. She's 30 inches, which I believe is normal, but she's only 19 lbs, 6 ozs which is small (25th percentile). She was so big up until about 9 months. She's a good eater and she nurses half the night! That's got to count for something. Those of you with babies around a year (or if you have a good memory), what does/did your baby weigh? I'm curious.

Other things I wanted to mention:

-- Last night, Olivia got a Tide pen out of my purse and started wiping it on her shirt. Perhaps this is further proof that I'm a bit OCD. The poor child has started to copy my behavior!

-- Then this morning, she found a Q-tip on the floor and tried to stick it in her ear. It was one of the safety ones with the large bulbs, thank goodness.

-- Last night, she walked only holding on to one of my hands. Progress!

-- My mom let her taste her iced tea, and then when she offered Olivia her sippy cup of milk, Olivia screamed "NOOOO!" and pointed to the tea. Sheesh. We've entered the "no" phase. She's now said it a few times.

Do blondes really have more fun?

I've been blonde(ish) all my life. Like many kids, when I was little, it was more of a platinum blonde and as I got older, it became more of a dark blonde. I always had golden highlights in the summer, and then in the winter, it would go back to a dirty blonde. Then, a couple years ago, I got some lighter highlights put in, which I had always wanted but put off for ages because I didn't want to keep up with it. I never got anything too drastic so I could let them grow out without looking too awful.

Fast forward to now. My hair is awful. The new growth since having a baby is so freaking dark! Some parts are almost dark brown, making the old highlights look really bad. I need to get it re-touched, but it's expensive and I just don't want to keep up with it. I've got to do something though because my hair is nasty. What to do?

Here's where you come in. I need advice (or assvice as some like to call it). Most of you don't see me in person, so I need help deciding what to do from pictures!

I am thinking about buying the color in the box in a light brown and just evening all my hair out. No streaks. No dark top, light bottom crap. Just even color througout, even if it will mean I'm no longer blonde. I can't imagine myself not blonde, but this new growth is so dark! What I wish is that my hair hadn't changed colors, but it has, so I must make the best of it.

Have you used the dye in the box? Did it work? What's a good brand? The last time I used a boxed dye was in 7th grade (obviously a long time ago!). More importantly, has anyone had success with the highlights in the box? This is another option, although I've only heard horror stories.

I'm just not sure what to do, and I want something low-maintenance. My hair grows so fast these days with the pre-natals and breastfeeding, and professional highlights just grow out too fast. I don't want to fork out $150 every two months. I just can't justify it.

My hair last year with highlights:

This is a couple months ago. I usually have my hair up, but this one shows you how long it is.

Hope this is enough to go on. Olivia has just started throwing a tantrum and is desperately trying to close my computer. Pooh!

Edited to add: Perhaps if I wasn't blonde, I wouldn't do such ditzy things like not screwing my gas cap on properly, resulting in my poor husband having to take my car in very early in the morning only to be told that his wife can't put a gas cap on correctly. Yes, that's why the "service engine soon" light was on. Because of my gas cap. I'm truly an idiot. Luckily I have a very understanding husband who found the whole thing quite funny!

It's Party Time!

We had Olivia's birthday party on Saturday. It was small-- we only invited family and our closest friends, which is just the way we wanted it for her first party. She was so tired by the end of it anyway. She was pretty fussy towards the end, and before everyone was even out the door, she was snoring on my shoulder. If only it were always so easy!

The food was yummy, if I don't say so myself. I put most of it together on Friday night: ranch pinwheels, a veggie tray, fruit tray with vanilla yogurt dip, spinach dip, and my grandma made deviled eggs. Then, on Saturday, I made peach mango punch and James picked up the cake.

Notice her sleeping in the last pic in the corner? She was so tired! The sweetie on the bottom is MF's son Robbie. He was sitting in Olivia's carseat to eat his cake since we only had one highchair here. :-)

I think my favorite pictures that day were the ones I took of my little sleepyhead waking up at 11:00 am the day of her party! Then, because she woke up so late, she didn't nap at all and was so tired by the end of the party. Those who read my regularly know we co-sleep, so here she is waking up.

The she decided she was too tired to sit up.

I decided to take another when she started to really wake up because I couldn't stand the cuteness! She was tired, but so happy, as if she knew we were having a party just for her.

I think the flash was bothering her, so she let me know she'd had enough!

You've gotta love the hair in that last one!

Oh, and she has learned to put up one finger when we ask her how old she is. We worked on it one afternoon and she got it! The other night at dinner, her Uncle Ben and Uncle Joey asked her how old she was and she held up one finger! Clever girl! And she's done it several more times! So cute!

Olivia has been so happy with her new toys. I don't really think she got that all this was for her, but it filled my heart with joy to see her so excited over her new toys, and over eating her cake. She wasn't too sure about the cupcake on her actual bithday, but she made short work of her cake at the party!

More food pics:

The smaller cake was the personal cake that came free when we ordered her bigger "Little Mermaid" cake. The babies shared that one. The other pictures are of the ranch pinwheels (so good if you ever need a part food idea!), and the fruit tray, before my mom dumped the dip into a crystal bowl to make it fancier! :-) The other pic is the deviled eggs and veggies. We kept it simple, but it turned out very nicely.

Ok, off to bed. It's v. late!

The incident in the cafe

Yesterday, I was embarrassed. REALLY embarrased. Pulling my pants down in front of 20 convicts? Cake! Oh, and this one hurts, a lot! So I was in Barnes and Noble yesterday while running last minute errands for the party this afternoon (and I don't even know how many people are coming-- people can be so rude) and I was walking to the table where my mom was sitting with Olivia, and the next thing I know, I'm flying across the floor and crashing into a display, knocking a bookshelf several feet away and most of it's contents on the floor. There were travel mugs everywhere! My foot started aching immediately, and I was disoriented from slamming into the shelf. Finally, after a few seconds, I got up to look at what the hell just happened. There was a puddle of coffee on the floor and me and my slippery-bottomed flip-flops went sailing through it. The people behind the counter, who all know me since I'm in there a few days a week, said NOTHING. Not "are you ok?" or "what happened?" Nothing. Nada. Zilch. They just went on calling out drinks at the bar. Um, hello? Half your merchadise is on the floor and I can barely walk! Then Olivia started to cry after seeing me fall. That made me more upset because I had scared her.

Finally, after a minute or two of the employees ignoring us, while other customers are helping to pick up the mess and help me, my mom (who had been trying to calm Olivia down-- what I cared about most) went up to the counter and said, "you know, you'd think someone would've come to see if my daughter is ok. We're in here all the time and you know who we are. That's bad customer service!" and then, all of a sudden, they were concerned. HA! Oh wait! But get this! Before my mom said all that, one guy did come out from behind the counter, to mop up the coffee and didn't say a WORD to me. Are you believing this?

So we did an incident report because my foot was bruised and swollen almost immediately, and we told the manager how rude the cafe staff was. My mom said she saw them laughing. LAUGHING! I was embarrased enough, even though it's not like I just tripped randomly. The floor was all wet! Also, the three people working are not teenagers or something. They are at least all my age, and I know I'd have enough class and know-how to check on a customer!

I decided to try to drive home because James was still a work, and I didn't want to have to worry about getting my car home later, and when I turned on my car, the "service engine soon" light stayed on the entire time I drove home. Also, my airbag light has been staying on longer than usual, but they said that was ok. Still, I had to fight with James to take it in this morning so I can have my car asap. We have a busy had ahead of us with the party and all, and I still have errands to run since the little accident yesterday kept me from finishing them. He wanted to mow the lawn, but I told him to get his butt to the dealership! I'm still waiting to here. Hope it's something easy. And cheap!

Well, I hear James. Off to check!

Happy Birthday my precious girl!

Whew! I intended to write this birthday entry much earlier, but Olivia has been wired from all the excitement tonight! She fussed all through opening gifts because she didn't get a good nap today, came alive for a bit while smashing her cupcake in her face, and then took a brief nap and somehow ended up with a big second wind which had her playing with all her new toys until 11:00 pm! Then the poor thing got terrible gas which I'm guessing is a result of the cupcake. She cried and cried for the last 45 minutes or so and the only thing that stopped it was when she finally let the gas out. Poor baby. :-(

Today felt surreal. It's not that Olivia is any different today than she was yesterday, it's just the knowledge that she's now a year old that makes things feel different. I'm so conscious of having a one year old. Suddenly, I'm terrified that my life is flying by and that she'll be gone before I know it. We're 1/18 there.

I tried to savor every minute of today. I drank in Olivia's baby scent which will soon fade, to twirl her baby-soft curls and squeeze her chubby fat rolls because soon, I'll be looking at the body of a little girl.

Also poignant today was the transition her nursery made. Before her little party tonight (her bigger one is Saturday), I packed away her swing, which she hasn't used in ages. I rearranged her closet, which is a small walk-in, to make room so I could set up her new toy chest and the other bigger things she got: her activity table, pet shop, and kitchen. This morning, she had what could've been a newborn's room, and by tonight, it was a toddler's. All evidence that the "newness" of having a baby is wearing off. Somehow all of this is making me want to do it again, and fast. I feel like I'm losing my grip on the present. I can't hold on to her and make her stay a baby. She's growing and changing daily and it's breaking my heart. Yet at the same time, all these new little steps bring me such joy. It's all so bittersweet.

My Olivia, I want you to know that on your first birthday, your Mommy looked at you at least 100 times and teared up because she couldn't contain all the love she felt for you. Your Grammie cried too, which made Mommy feel less silly. I don't know how I was ever happy without you. How can there be happiness without Olivia? Your smiles, your laugh, and curiosity light up my life. I can't believe I get to be your Mommy, and although your silly Mommy is already worying about you going off to college and leaving, the truth is, this is just the beginning. I have years ahead of watching you squeal with delight at the thought of Santa coming. We have countless hours ahead for building forts and making up stories. I am so excited to share all this with you! Yippee!!!

Although you still have another party ahead (tonight was more of a family dinner), there are some pictures I want to remember from today, and from exactly one year ago.

I took this picture of you today at exactly 11:52, the time you were born. You were doing the same thing you were doing at 11:52 last year, crying! You were very upset today that I put you down because you were tired and wanted me to hold you. You were asleep minutes later. :-)

So many presents!

Here you are with your Grammie (who is much older than she looks. She was 26 when I was born.) You are putting on your new "pretend" lipstick. You love to steal my chapstick and lipstick, and you can take off the tops! I caught you last week with lipstick on your mouth because I didn't think you could open it. You like to put it on us too.

At first you weren't sure what to do with your cupcake, so you decided to sample it.

After discovering just how yummy cupcakes are, you decided to just go for it! You actually look a bit like Santa Claus.

You spent a lot of time tonight playing with your new toys.

Well, baby girl. You are now a year old. Just one year and I have thousands of memories. Thousands of reasons God is so amazing. I love you, my Olivia Beth. Thank you for being my daughter.

On the eve of her first birthday . . .

As I was shopping for party stuff tonight, I ran into the only other person in my birthing class-- a really cute mama who looked like a pregnant mosquito because she was so thin, except for her huge protruding belly. So cute! And she always had the cutest form-fitting maternity clothes, which I never wore because I felt self-conscious. I remember feeling badly for her because the man who got her pregnant wasn't going to be part of the picture, and she attended all the classes alone. I felt kind of guilty being there with James because we were the only other people there and I didn't want her to feel badly. It was a nice, intimate class though with so few of us, and I actually wondered how the lady, Paula, was doing the other day. Something made me think of her. It was weird running into her tonight, on a night I was already feeling nostalgic and a bit sad. It was just further proof how fast this last year has gone by. I swear it seems like a few weeks ago that James and I were hurrying from work to make it to our Friday evening birthing class, and then out for ice cream and a sugar free malt for me.

At this moment last year, I was just starting to get uncomfortable. I was still in denial about being in labor. I thought all the back pain was muscular, but around this time, the pain started shooting around to the front, and I felt a lot of pressure. It would only be a few hours from now that the big bad contractions started. Although tomorrow is Olivia's day, selfishly, part of me wants some recognition, some acknowledgement for all the agony that comes with bringing a new life into the world. It's brutal. It really is. And although that is over, I live daily with the changes in my body. We all do. Well most of us do. I can honestly say that my mom's one tiny stretchmark really isn't bothering her. She looks great! Anyway, although being pregnant is tiring and uncomfortable, we women are so very lucky. James once told me how jealous he was that I could feel all the little flutters when they were too small to feel from the outside. I used to lay there at night and fall asleep with my hand on my tummy, touching my baby in the only way I could, and James felt a little envious. The whole process is beautiful, even the pain because it only makes you love your child more. The harder you work to achieve something, the more it means.

This last year has brought me more joy, more appreciation for life, and it has made me treasure my mom a million times over because I now understand how much she loves me. Words can't quite convey it. She always told me she'd do anything for me, that she'd die for me even now that I'm an adult, and I always knew she was serious, but I now I truly get it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I think a mother's love for her child might be the closest thing to God's love because it's the most selfless. It's without conditions.

When I look at how much Olivia has changed since I first brought her home, I can hardly believe it. She's so beautiful, so intelligent. She amazes me. She won't sleep worth a darn, but she sure is awesome! I did expect her to be sleeping through the night, and I was wrong. I also didn't think she'd be sleeping with us, but you can't plan everything. I am thrilled though that we've made it a whole year with breastfeeding! YAY! My goal was no formula and we made it. I'll have to wait until next week to find out her height/weight.

Olivia's one year achievements:

Her eye/hand coordination has really become amazing. She can unscrew a cap off a water bottle, take it off, and then screw it back on. She manipulates those little hands pretty well! She likes to put toys inside other toys, and take off the top to my chapstick and then put it on again. She gets so angry if she can't do it correctly right away, and then she claps when she gets it right!

As of now, she says: mama, dada, eye, hair ("heh"), uh oh, hot, bye bye, hi, duck, and get get get! (what James says to the dog!) These are the ones she uses regularly, but she has also said balloon ("bawoo") and nose among others.

She can point to her eye, nose, mouth, ear, my earring (the grabs my earring as apposed to grabbing my whole ear), knee, sock, shoe, tonge, teeth, hand. She also knows where many things are in the house like the dog, fan, balloon (we always have one for her to play wth!), and she knows where the bananas are. She'll rub her face when I say "put on lotion" and she also pats her tummy on command. She's also starting to go get things we ask for.

Although she's shy around people she doesn't know, she waves to everyone now and says "hi". People are always so amazed that she's initiating conversation and she loves the attention!

And yet . . .

she's never been quick with physical milestones, which I don't mind saying since she's so strong verbally. She might read this someday and I don't want her to feel sad. :-( I worry she won't walk for months. Really. She's not vaguely interested. She'll walk around furniture some, but she doesn't even want to hold our hands and walk like she used to. She climbs are crawls, but that's it. She also rolled over and sat up kind of late. Yet she loves to read and points to lots of things on the pages (her favorite is to point out the stems on various fruits when we ask). I guess she's just more interested in verbal things. She has to walk eventually, right?

So tonight, as I was picking out a birthday card, I started to tear up thinking about how much she has changed, and how much more she'll have changed when I pick out a card next year. And I thought about how very much we love her, and how we were happy even before she came which doesn't make sense because now, life without her would be empty. None of the cards really conveyed all the feelings I have for her. Cutesy baby cards with words like "sweet girl" and "cute". Yet, the more grown up cards were too grown up. I wanted something meaningful, something that talked about bringing her into the world, and loving her with all my being, so I settled on something fuzzy with a bunny and I'll add my own words, words which will surely make me cry yet again as I write them. I already had a good cry last week as she laid on my chest, sleeping, her little fuzzy hear nestled in my neck. I tried to stifle my sobs so I didn't wake her, but I couldn't stop. I found myself crying over her eminent leaving and then I had to stop myself. We still have so much time.

So, if you read this far, thank you. Thank you for indulging me and letting me ramble on and on. :-)

Tomorrow will be a love letter of sorts to my Olivia. Tonight was all about my thoughts-- stuff I want to remember. It's for me. Tomorrow is for her.

Goodnight. I'll leave you with this. There will be plenty more pictures tomorrow!!!

A little too comfortable ???

I can be such an idiot sometimes. I really can.

This morning, Olivia and I started our day with stroller exercise as we do each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The usual moms didn't come today, so we ended up walking with this really friendly girl, Helena. (It's funny how I still call people in their 20's girls when they are actually ladies!) Anyway, in no time we were chatting as if we'd always known eachother. We swapped birth stories, and chatted about weird family members, and just basically talked about anything and everything, and by the end of the walk, we were comparing stretch marks and whining about loose skin on our tummies. Helena hiked up her shirt first to show me her mommy marks, and then it was my turn, so I quickly looked around and then pulled down my pants just a bit. Why do I do stuff like this? So then, I heard "woooo! wooooo!" and looked up to see about 20 prisoners* gawking while unloading lawn equipment. Boy did I give them a show! Helena assured me it was ok because I probably made their day. I think I may have actually scarred them for life.

What I did may sound weird, but I just love people like that with whom you feel so comfy! I remember GFF and I comparing our changed bodies in the bathroom when we met and this lady walked in. She's just one of those people who I felt really great around. I'm just like that with some people, and I think Helena is one of those types. I just need to be more careful about who's watching!

*Unlike where I lived up north, the prisoners are responsible for collecting trash and keeping the grounds in our city. I think it's good in many ways, but it also freaks me out.

home again, home again

First of all, Happy Easter!

Olivia was gorgeous in her purple dress, even if she refused to wear the matching bow in her hair! I distracted her from pulling it out for a while, but as soon as she found it, she tossed it in Daddy's sock drawer and hid it!

Right before she tried to hide it . . .

We had a rare occurace today! Olivia actually stayed in the church nursery without crying and us having to be paged! I'll admit, I haven't been good about putting her in there, and I'm glad I haven't forced it because today she was ready on her own. I felt sad as I left the nursery, sad that she didn't look for me or care that I was gone. It felt whistful to come back and see her playing with the other kids, without me, like she was a big girl. They said the only time she fussed was when another child had a cookie, but once they gave her one, she was fine. :-)

Now for the trip:

I'm amazed at how gorgeous Savannah is! It's so historic and beautiful, and some parts are definitely mysterious and eerie. I very much wanted to go on one of the ghost tours, but it just wasn't feasable with a baby since they are at night.

The food was wonderful. I'm not a seafood person, but I"m proud to say that I ordered fish for the first time in my life (shocking, I know!). I had some yummy mahi mahi, but stuck to land animals the rest of the time. We also visited Tybee Island and we went to The Crab Shack!

I didn't realize just how close we were to South Carolina. Just a bridge away!

I'm glad Sara warned me about not wearing heels. The cobblestone streets are rough and not very stroller friendly, but we still managed to get some shopping done. I even found an awesome tea shop where I picked up some great teas for the next swap!

We look like we have a faceless baby here, when actually, the sun was just so bright! Still creepy though!

I love the classic mossy trees of Savannah!

I'll leave you with a few we shot today.

The loves of my life:

Yes, I need to do something about my hair. The growth post-preggo is so dark! It looks terrible and weird. Anyway, here you go.

Busy, Busy!

Whew! I've been running around crazy all day and this is the first chance I've had to get online! I've been running all around doing last minute things-- buying diapers, new shoes for Olivia, more dog food, writing instructions for my friends who are dog sitting (love them!), stocking up on yummy snacks for the car, and PACKING, PACKING, PACKING! James has a ton of homework to finish before we go, and also an online quiz, so I've been on my own tonight. He said he didn't understand why I was so stressed out about all the packing. It's hard work to pack everything for a baby. I had her suitcase closed and realized I hadn't packed any of her socks. And then I forgot her Beechnut banana cookies (don't even want to think about 3 days without those!), and then I remembered I needed to pack a bag of toys. And then I forgot to wash her bathing suit! It's a lot of work! Luckily, she didn't put up a fight tonight when it came to bed time. She fussed while I was showering, and as soon as I got out, she tugged at my shirt, nursed, and went right off to sleep!

I also took some time to make dinner for my friend Ben and his man so they could come over and see what to do for the dogs while they house eit. I made potstickers, which I've posted about before. I made the filling in advance and froze it, so I didn't have to worry about preparing that tonight, but I did fold 50 wontons by hand, make fried rice, and I threw some frozen egg rolls in the oven. Yum! I forgot to take pictures because we ate it up so fast. Also, we started dinner kind of late because Ben was just getting back into town this evening from-- guess where? Savannah! He went with my dear friend Rebebba, and from what I hear, it sounds great! Rebecca has great taste, so I'm going to check out some of the places they went. We had a nice chat during dinner, and Olivia decided to make a big poop, so we had to listen to pushing and grunting, which of course made everyone laugh! BTW, Ben's b/f is a hottie. I'm married and he's gay, so it's safe that I say so. :-) BTW, I told James that for payment for them house sitting, I promised them a threesome with James. HAHA! I crack myself up. James wasn't so amused even though he likes them a lot.

As promised, I want to leave you with my instructions for how to make James' mom's coconut dream cake. I've posted about it before, but I'm not sure if I ever showed you the method. It might be in my archives, but I'm too lazy to check!

First, bake a cake according to the directions. When it's done, immediately poke lots of holes in it, like this!

You should end up with a lot of holes!

Pour a can of coco lopez and a can of condensed milk into the holes. I'm not usually this messy when I do it, but the coco lopez was more solid than usual, so I had to give it a good shake, resulting in a mess. But it all soaks in eventually!

After it sits in the fridge a couple hours, ice it with cool whip and top with toasted coconut. Heavenly! We had the leftover tonight!

On the exercise front, I am about to takeover as organizer for our stroller exercise in my moms' group! It means I have to go to all of them, which is good! Oh, and today, the girl working at Victoria's Secret told me how good I looked after having a baby. And she said it twice. Yippppeee! Still need to get off some of the weight I gained pre-pregnancy though. It'll happen, I'm working hard!

Now, for Olivia news and then I really have to go to bed!

Olivia showing off her flute playing skills. She's so very proud everytime she makes a note. It's the cutest thing! I really must learn how to post a video clip from my camcorder!

In the other pictures on the bottom, she's kissing her reflection in the mirror. :-)

Here she is showing off her teeth. I love the gap in the front. Too cute!

Her eyes are so blue!

And last, she's been making this face 100 times a day for the last week, and it's always accompanied by a grunt. LOL!

Ok, off to bed and then to Savannah in the am. May have to make a Starbucks stop. Will be v. tired. If I don't blog while I'm away, I'll be back Saturday night. Leave me some love while I'm away!

A surprise in my grocery store and what I HATE about the south

I have about a million pictures to post of Olivia (cute ones!!! She's actually blowing into a flute and making notes!) and also some pictures to go with a couple recipes. They'll have to wait though because I left my camera at my parents' house. I've been trying to get a picture of her showing us her teeth. She opens her mouth and points to them when we ask, and she'll also stick out her tongue on command, but my camera is so SLOW! When she sees the camera, she stops what she's doing to reach for it. :-(

I am starting to really like where we live. There are things I'm always going to hate (rebel flags, ignorant people, prejudice, and poor English) but I think we're starting to catch up with the real world. FINALLY. Yesterday, I'm grocery shopping and see cart after cart full of baby food on clearance. I check he dates, and nope, they're not old. Hmmm . . . I'm wondering why they'd clear out the baby food, so I head to the baby aisle and what do I see? Shelf after shelf of lovely, healthy Organic food. Earth's Best and lots of Gerber! Yippeee! No more going to Atlanta, ordering off the internet, and paying an arm and a leg at the tiny health food store here when they actually have some in. Yay! Wonderful, pesticide-free food for my baby!!! Several people have asked me what I plan to do later when she's eating all "real" food. I've read numerous times that baby's systems are much more sensitive to chemicals and pesticides than adult bodies, so it won't be as big of a deal later, although I'll continue to buy a few essential Organic items.

Ok, after praising our town for it's expansion of Organic food, I'm going to do a complete 180 here. I hope I don't sound bitchy, because I'm not meaning to, but something that really bothers me about the south-- ok, two things-- is 1) there seem to be so many unkempt children, or I'm noticing it more here because we lived in a wealthy area up north, and 2) the obsession with confederate flags. Hello!!! The war is over and BTW, Georgia lost!!!!! People proudly display them in front of their homes, on their cars, tattooed to their asses, and well, just about everywhere else. To me, it represents a time when blacks and whites were separated, and the black people had no rights. If I was black, seeing this flag would offend me and hurt me. Let's celebrate the present and embrace equality! It's one thing to be proud of where you live, but why not display our current flag? It shows how far we've come, which is definitely something to be proud of.

And as for the dirty children. I see a few kids a day, walking without shoes, in PUBLIC! We're not talking about playing outside barefoot when we were kids. We all did that. I'm talking about walking around the grocery store shoe-less. Even kids in my moms group are dirty. Many of them moms are clean, decent people, but some of their are kind of slobby and unkempt looking. I'll admit, I don't always have time to do my hair and make-up, and quite frankly, with Olivia attemping to flush herself down the toilet when I get ready, I can't really take much time for myself. What I'm talking about it just being unkempt and greasy. It saddens me to see kids who need a bath desperately. I know all kids spill food (don't I know it), but you can tell the difference between a kid who has just eaten lunch (like mine) and a child whose nails are filthy and their clothes are ripped and nasty. And just to clarify-- it's not that they can't afford a laundromat. The majority of them are military and have enough money to eat out regularly with my moms' group and go to Starbucks. Some of the moms just lack class. Wash your kids' clothes. Give them a bath! Put some shoes on them!