Teatopia

Things are getting to me...

Well, my grandma is getting settled in her new house. I feel sad that she's moved because I know she's sad. She's in an independent living type of place, but there's help there is she needs it. As most of you know, I am unusually close to my grandma, so her moving has been hard on me. I literally talk to her at least once a day and see her a few days a week. She was there at every concert and recital growing up and she's been there for me as an adult too. She was even in the room with my mom and James when both babies were born. I don't know too many people who'd want their grandmother there, so that should give you an idea of how close we are. :-) Her new place is nice, but she feels a loss of independence and my heart is breaking for her. We've been hanging out at her new place a lot trying to help her get settled in. We've also had a crapload of family visiting helping her pack and get moved over.

She's having more and more trouble walking, so she now has a scooter she can use around the grounds of her new home. My family was concerned she wasn't learning how to use it correctly, so I decided to take it for a spin with Olivia on my lap and I crashed into someone's house. I was mortified, but I swear, that thing has a mind of its own. No damage done, thankfully. Still, I am an ass.

Last night, Olivia went to stay with my parents for fun (first "just because" visit, the other time was when Liam was born). She thought we were having another baby, but I explained it was for fun. James and I planned to have a date night after Liam went to sleep, so we hung out in the hot tub and drank wine, and then my mom called to tell us that Olivia was freaking out missing me, so at 1:00 am, I left to pick her up. James had had more to drink than me, so I had to go and James stayed with Liam. We are NOT big drinkers, so when I told me mom we had been drinking, she was was surprised. I have to say, Reisling is my new favorite!

I've been having a bit of a hard time lately. I'm wondering if I was a little bit of ppd (post-partum depression) because I keep thinking about death and other weird things I wouldn't normally worry about. I'm hoping it's just hormones, particularly since Aunt Flow just returned at 10.5 weeks pp! *sob*

I think I am just taking things hard these days. Between my grandma's move and our nephew Brett dying, I've been stressed out. Also, my great aunt was killed instantly a few days ago when her caregiver (who was driving her to an appt) had a heart attack herself and crashed head-on into an 18 wheeler, killing my aunt instantly. I also just finished two books dealing with death ("Painted Veil" and Terri Irwin's book "Steve and Me") and it just affected me more than it usually would.

Well, off to eat dinner! It's now 8:30 and we've eaten so much crap today that none of us were hungry. I'm thinking Indian take-out! Yummy....

Out of the mouth of babes

Olivia has an imaginary friend named Moo-moo. Moo-moo joined the family around the time we moved in our new house, and Olivia updates me almost daily about what Moo-moo is doing.

Tonight she told me that Moo-moo had a bagel and cream cheese for dinner and that he likes to put lotion on his face. In all the questions I've asked her about her friend, I've never really asked what he looks like. So here's how it went:

Me: So what does Moo-moo look like?
O: Uh.... like a carrot.
Me: Like a carrot?
O: Well, I don't think he looks like a carrot, but I tell Moo-moo he can look like a carrot if he wants to.
Me: Well, what do you think he looks like?
O: He has really tiny legs and no hair, 'cept he has bangs.

Her creativity is so awesome. She always makes me laugh, but I try to act very serious when she's telling me stuff because sometimes she gets upset if we laugh, even though I tell her it's just because she's so cute. I don't think she really understands that and thinks we're laughing AT her. She's so funny sometimes though so it's hard not to! I can't wait to hear what Liam will say!

Family Photo Shoot

My grandma is moving into an assisted living place this weekend. That's a whole other story, but my sister and I are making her a picture collage as a house-warming gift. We did a little photo shoot and I thought I'd share some pics. James isn't in them because he was at work, but we have others of him to throw in. :-)

Me and the kiddos:

My sister, me, and kiddos:

I love how Liam studies things. Here he is looking very intently at his toys: (Trisha-- don't you think he looks a little like your Ben?)

Olivia wearing her Mr. Potato Head glasses so she can "see better":

The face I was greeted with this morning:

Oh, and I have a question... how do you get videos on your blog? I'd rather not go thru You_tube or something like that. I know there is a way toi do it from little clips on your camera, but I'm clueless. Can anyone help me, please?

Let's talk poop

Thank you for all the condolences. I think everyone is coping pretty well. Nick said that he, Andrea, and their daughter are going to start counseling soon to help them get over everything. My heart still aches for them.

For now, I want to talk about potty training, or a lack thereof. I went over our brief history a few entries ago, but in short, we've been potty training (or potty learning as crunchy people like to call it) for the better part of a year. Is this normal? I think I mentioned before all the set backs we've had that disrupted our potty routine, and there have been quite a few: moving out of our house and into my parents', moving out of their house and into ours. Then there was the period where I was a lazy and pregnant and didn't care. Then Liam came along and Olivia was all too eager to poop and pee in her dipe and have mama change her, even more so if she knew I was about to change Liam and she could make sure I changed her first. Then we were back on track and closer than ever, and she got a friggin UTI, had surgery down there, and then caught a yeast infection. But, now that we're past all that, she still isn't that interested. I think she mostly goes in the potty for the chocolate she gets (which is actually a yogurt covered cranberry, but don't tell her that!)

So.... I try not to care what other people think too much, but I'm not much good at not caring, so... I dread changing her in public because I'm scared people will look at her and think, "good grief! That kid is too old for diapers!" In fact, I kinda like that she's on cloth because they look a bit more like "big girl" panties than sposies do.

I know several of you have children around the age of 28 months, or you did at one point, or maybe your child is younger and already trained. In that case, don't tell me because I might hate you. :-)

Should I quit worrying and just let her do her thing? Does anyone actually wear diapers to their first day of kindergarten? Or, should I push her a little? I don't want to be one of those parents who shames their kid though.

Please share your experience and and give me some advice. I'm ready to be done with diapering two kids. Having a boy who poops 85 times a day is more than enough for me! Oh, and did I mention that if you don't "position the winky," he pees right out the top of his diaper and onto his shirt? Even when I do make sure it's down, it still likes to move and point back up. I'll tell ya-- and if you have a boy and girl you alrady know this-- having a boy is a whole new adventure! I feel like I need at least 3 arms: one to hold the package out of the way, one to keep it covered to avoid getting sprayed, and another just to clean him off.

Anyway, please SPAM me with advice!

Update

My heart is aching for my bro-in-law. The night our nephew died, James talked to Nick (his bro) and Nick was just sobbing and James was crying, too. I don't think I've seen my husband cry in years (except for when we've had our children, but those were happy tears).

Nick said he'd prefer we wait to come up in a couple months so we can all afford to come and stay for longer-- buying 3 advanced tickets is the same price as just James flying alone w/ no notice-- and actually have a good visit where Nick can spend time with Liam. In the meantime, we're going to help pay for the tombstone. This might be the best thing. I didn't want Olivia to go, but I really wanted to see Nick, so now we all will, just not for a couple months. I also was concerned about bringing Liam. James has no vacation left since it's a fairly new job and he took off over a week when Liam was born, so he would've only been there a day or so. If we wait a couple months, we can stay longer. If that's what Nick wants, then that's what we'll do. James' grandma is also dying, so at least if we wait, we can visit with her and let her see Liam before she dies.

Last night confirmed that Olivia just isn't ready to deal with the concept of death. She watches Bambi all the time, but I always distract her or fast forward thru the part where Bambi's mom dies. Last night I was doing something with Liam and I forgot to skip that part. When I came back into the living room, Olivia was teary-eyed and her lip was trembling. I asked her what was wrong and she burst into tears and asked, "Where's Bambi's mommy? I want to see her!" so I rewinded the movie to show her Bambi's mommy and she said, "No! I want to see her now," meaning, she knew I had rewinded it. She cried for a while and I eventually had to lie and tell her that Bambi's girlfriend was his mommy. I don't think she's ready for death yet, not when it's affecting her THAT much. I don't really know when it's a good time though.

How do you make a decision like that? Luckily, Olivia doesn't really know her cousin, so she doesn't know he's gone. In fact, he's not technically blood related to her, but it doesn't matter. Nick started dating his fiance a few years back when her son Brett was an infant, so Nick has raised him and was going to adopt him when they got married. To Nick, Brett is his son and he loves him as one, and has for the last 3 years. Nick is grieving as a father would.

A few of you were curious as to how Brett died. He acutally drowned in a river. Andrea is my soon-to-be SIL and apparently, her sister was watching Brett. She turned her back to do somethiing with her own kids (I think) and Brett fell into the river and was quickly swept away by the current. They got him out pretty quickly, but it was too late. Nick said that at the coroner's, he cleaned the sand and dirt out of Brett's ears and off his face to make him perfect before they embalmed him. I can hardly type it without sobbing. I can't even imagine. They decided to donate Brett's organs, which made them feel proud. They hope Brett can help others through his death.

All this just makes me want to hold my kids tight and never let them go.

Our nephew just died . . .

3 hours ago, our 3 year old nephew drowned. My heart aches for my brother-in-law and his fiance. We're debating whether or not we should all go up. We can't afford to all fly, so either James will fly up since it's his brother's child, or all of us will drive.

I have some reservations about all of us going though. First of all, we'd drive all night so the kids can sleep, so that's not too big of a concern. I'm more worried about Olivia knowing that someone nearly her age died. I would definitely keep her home from the funeral, but at least we could all be there to support James's family. What are your thoughts on Olivia going? Is that too much for someone her age to see everyone crying? She's so sensitive and I don't know if she's ready for something like this.

On budgeting, cauliflower, and potty training. Yes, totally random!!!

By 2:00 this afternoon, we'd alrady spent $850!!! It sucks to have such large expenses when you're a one-income family. Well, it sucks anyway, but it's alot harder with me staying home with the kids. The money was well spent but still . . . Yesterday, our lawn mower died. James tried to fix it, but it was fairly old, so we decided to buy a new one today. Well, before we could even leave to go to Sears, the dryer burned one of the new diapers I'd bought. I'm fuming! Anyway, we had to buy a new dryer today, too. So there you go, $850 gone, just like that.

We're trying to be good about keeping a budget, and James just got some freelance work on the side. It'll mean less time with me and the kids in the evenings, but the extra $ helps keep us afloat. I've thought about maybe trying to do something on the side, but I'm still not quite to the point where I can confidently handle both kids. I still dread going to the grocery store.

Last night, we had a tons of family over for dinner. I love having big groups to our home! Our old house was a lot smaller and it wasn't comfortable to have a bunch of people over. Our dining room table only sat 4, but now, with the leaf in our new one, we can seat 10 and it's not even crowded! I made a pork roast with tons of garlic and onions, and it cooked all day. The house smelled amazing. I also roasted some cauliflower-- which trust me, even if you don't love cauliflower, this is seriously one of the best veggie recipes EVER!!! I'll give you the recipe down below. We had baked potatoes, tomato/mozzeralla salad, and rolls. And of course, since we're in the south, a nice Georgia peach cobbler! Oh, and the BEST part of the evening? Olivia said grade all by herself! It made me cry. The way she squints her eyes and her nose when she prays is just the cutest thing. And she pauses between each sentence to think what to say next! She said, "Dear God, thank you for this food. Thank you for my family. Thank you for my Grammie!..." (my mom loved that). "...In Jesus name I pray..." then she screamed "AMEN!!!"

I wanted to ask you something-- Olivia has been potty training for at least the last 6 months. She was doing pretty well before we moved, but then she had a big relapse and lost interest. Then she was doing well again when we settled in this house, but regressed with Liam came along. A few weeks later, she was back on track, but hasn't been consistant since her surgery (they cut her right on her girly bits), so . . . I realize we've probably had more setbacks and things than most kids, but I'm eager for her to give up diapers peramantly, except for maybe naps and night time. Anyway, many of you have kids around Olivia's age (or had one at one point). Are they/were they completely trained? I think she likes the attention I give her when I change her.

For cauliflower recipe click below:

You'll need one head of cauliflower. preheat oven to 350.

--Cut it into about 6 chunks and place it on foil lined pan.
--Drizzle with about 2 tbsps olive oil and generously sprinkle with Kosher salt and cracked pepper.
--Flip pieces over and season again.
--Put foil on top of cauliflower and cook for 10 mins.
--Remove foil and cook for 10 more mins.
--Flip over and cook 10 more mins. Done!

Woooo-hooooo! My ass is shrinking!!!

I weighed myself yesterday-- something I seldom do because it only drepresses me. But now I'm thinking I might do it more often because ...

I weigh 32 pounds less than I did the day before I had Liam, and I only gained something like 19 pounds. That means, I weigh LESS than I did before I got pregnant!!!

Anyone want to celebrate with me?!? :-)

Wow!

Can't believe I'm posting 2 entries today. Go me!!!

I wanted to show you pictures of both Olivia and Liam at 2 months old. The similarity is amazing even though they are different genders. I was going to play a little game and let you guess who was who, but Olivia's clothes kind of give it away which one she is.

On the mend and Liam's 2 month appintment

Olivia is finally doing better, thank goodness. I couldn't have taken much more. I feel like I've had to choose between my kids lately, and I hate that. Olivia would be screaming trying to tee-tee, so I'd have to let Liam cry (he always wants to be held) while I helped her and comforted her, or she'd be having a tantrum (usually not typical) because she felt sick and I'd have to nurse Liam and let her fuss.

When we took her to the doctor over the weekend, they determined she had a bad yeast infection from the antibiotics she'd been on. Really, we've come full circle in all this mess.

Here's the timeline:

Way over a month ago (maybe 2 months ago) this all started.

-- misdiagnosed w/ vaginitis. Prescribed cream. They did a urine culture just to be sure. Said they'd call if she had a UTI. They didn't, so I figured she didn't have one.

-- Days go by. I called to tell them cream isn't working. They tell me she has a UTI.

-- Starts Sulfa. 3 days later she's much worse. I call them again to tell them it's not working.

-- Starts amoxicillan and takes for 10 days. Seems better, but still hurting some.

-- Re-test urine. UTI is gone. Still seems a little uncomfortable, so they tell us to use that cream in case she has yeast from the medicine.

-- Things seem good for a few days, so she has the hernia surgery.

-- A few days after surgery, she is more miserable than EVER. She screams every time she tee-tees and she won't even sit down.

-- Called again to tell them the cream isn't working. They call in Di_flucan, which FINALLY has made everything better.

Now for Liam . . .

He's a big boy AT 12 lbs 5 ozs! The gave him 5 shots and one oral vaccine. I didn't think there would be so many. I thought about delaying his vaccines, but in the end we decided against it. I love my pediatrician and value his opinion. He's very naturally-minded and really researches things and so we went with what he said. I did my own research, but I pretty much found the same amount of info. for both sides of the arguement. It's kind of unusual that I am so crunchy about some things, yet we are pro-vaccines.

Anyway, I told myself I was sooooooooooo over crying at the first shots appointment. I ended up getting all teary-eyed anyway. They gave him shot after shot and it was awful to watch. I cried when Olivia had her first shots, but I didn't think this time would be bad since I've now seen Olivia gets many, but little Liam went from smiling and giggling to screaming so much he couldn't catch his breath. It broke my heart. Afterwards, he nursed so desperately. How can those people stick a tiny baby so many times?? I know it's her job, but I seriously wanted to smack her for hurting my boy.

Well, there's an update. I have some pics to post later. It's weird how much Liam's pictures look like Olivia at this age. If I had a pile of pics of both kids at this age, I'm not sure I could tell them apart except for what they're wearing.

Totally random, but, has anyone tried the new smoothies at St@rbucks?

It's so hard being a mom

I feel like I can't take anymore of Olivia feeling badly. I know there are moms out there who have it much worse. I'm thankful she doesn't have anything like cancer or a deformity or something, but my heart still aches for her. She's been hurting for various reasons for over a month. Just when we get the hernia fixed and she's recovering, she now-- I am almost sure-- has another urinary tract infection. She woke up screaming this morning telling me she was too scared to tee-tee because it hurt. She cried and cried and only let little bits out here and there (which only prolonged the pain) because she was so scared.

Even worse, James is on his way right now to Pediatric Afterhours and I am stuck at home. I didn't have milk pumped to leave him a bottle if James stayed and there's no way I'd take a newborn to that germ-ridden place. I want to be with Olivia so much and comfort her, and I can't.

I just want my baby to be well and not to hurt. I can't stand her crying. I almost burst into tears myself this morning when she was crying, but I held them back, not wanting to upset her.

I know how much she'll hate this appointment. She won't pee in a cup, so they attach a bag on them to catch the urine, and it scares her to have it on. She still has bandages from the surgery, and they are in the way and I'm just completely stressed out.

There. Venting over. I'll let you know what we find out, but I'm 99% sure it's another damn UTI.

Favorite movie?

James and I watched August Rush the other day and LOVED it. It was one of the only times I've ever seen James cry at a movie. It was fabulous and it had awesome movie. The rhapsody he conducts at the end is gorgeous. I'm a sucker for soundtracks anyway. I have about a million.

Anyway, seeing this movie got me thinking about my favorites, and I wanted to know some of yours so I can see them if I haven't.

These are my current favorites: August Rush, Blood Diamond, Love Actually and other notables: Return to Me, Notting Hill, and I know there a tons of others.

What about you?