Teatopia

Men are jerks

My mom went with me and the kids to Target the other day, and while I was stopped looking at something, my mom leaned into Liam's carrier and gave him a big kiss. Olivia saw her and yelled, "Don't kiss him! He's a boy and boys are JEEERRRRKS!" What made it even crazier was the way she said "jerks." She really emphasized it and kind of sang the word. I wanted to laugh, but my first reaction was shock because I couldn't figure out where she'd heard such a thing, and then I remembered. My sister had said men were jerks a few times after she broke up with her boyfriend and after she'd had a few really bad dates. I guess Olivia was listening.

My big girl

I love the age Olivia is currently at because something funny comes out of her mouh every day. Here are a few things she said in the last couple days that made me laugh. She really doesn't miss much.

Yesterday, as always, she came with me to the bathroom. She complains that James and I are stinky when we poo-poo, but she still wants to sit there. Well, yesterday, she sat there and dramatically gagged (as she typically does if she even thinks someone might poop) and said, "I don't like poo-poo much. It's really stinky. Tee-tee is much better!"

Along the same lines, she's been telling the dogs to get away from her because they have breath! Soooo funny!

Also yesterday:
Olivia: When Liam is older, he'll walk and talk like me.
Me: Yes, that's right. He'll be able to do lots of things.
Olivia: Liam has hands, like I do.
Me: Yes, he has hands, but he can't really use them much yet.
Olivia: Yes he can. He pulls my hair when I hug him!

Last night, we ate at Red Robin, and they had someone dressed up as a big, red bird. Olivia loved seeing him, but wouldn't let him hug her. This morning, as she was eating breaskfast, this is what she said:
Olivia: I want to go to that red place and see the red bird, but I not talk to him because I shy. I just look and wave at him. I don't get too close.

It's awesome having a tiny, helpless newborn and a fun, talkitive toddler. It's really the best of both worlds, but of course, also a lot of work. I wouldn't trade it for anything though.

You won't believe what this woman said to me . . .

My midwife and pediatrician let us go home from the hospital on the second day since they knew we had a toddler at home. Since we left early, we had to go back the next morning so the hospital could check Liam's bilirubin levels. As were leaving, this lady stopped to admire the baby. She commented how cute he was and asked if he was mine. I thought that was an odd question. I told her he was and she looked confused. Then she asked, "he's yours and you're already pregnant again?" I know my stomach was still big, but hello! It had only been 50 some odd hours since I gave birth! How could she think I was far enough along to be showing and have a baby that looked brand new? I explained to her that he's 2 days old and that it takes a while for the uterus to go back to its original size. She still looked confused and asked, "So you're not pregnant?" I didn't even know what to say. I should've told her I had twins and the other hadn't come out yet. :-)

Tell my truly...

Is purple eyeshadow tacky? I love purple eyeshadow, but lately, Olivia points at my eyes and laughs, calling me "grape eyes." I asked her if Daddy had grape eyes or if she had grape eyes, and she said, "no, Mommy grape eyes" and when I asked her if it was my make-up, she said yes and she knows all about make-up. She watches me put it on whenever we go out and begs for me put some on her-- she's got 15 more years for that.

So am I really so tacky that a toddler is making fun of my eyeshadow?

update in pictures and how I told James I was pregnant!

Well, the cravings have begun. I can't stop thinking about food. I'm almost hoping I'll get nauseous just so I'll stop eating. It might be the only thing that keeps me from gaining 25 pounds in the first trimester! Yesterday, I wanted Mexican food so bad, but my car was in the shop getting 2 flat tires fixed (must've run over something). I kept trying to think of a Mexican restaurant that delivered, but there aren't any, so as soon as I got my car back at 3:00, I went right out to a Mexican restaurant with Olivia. :-)

My boobs are really, really sore and nursing has become unpleasant. I'm hoping Olivia will wean herself. I get teary eyed just thinking about it, but we've gone 18 months, and it's probably time. If my boobs stop hurting though and she's still going, I guess I'll cross that bridge then. She nurses so little that I guess I could nurse two...

I told you I'd show you the Christmas outfit I bought Olivia. It's one of the most expensive things I've bought. I always buy her nice clothes, but I don't throw money around. I have a friend whose daughter is always dressed to the nines. I don't think I've seen her in something that didn't cost $50, seriously. Everything is embroidered, hand smocked, and from one of the few pricey boutiques. Olivia has some things like that, but I'm choosey and I look for sales. Anyway, here's her Christmas outfit. I definitely want to get her Christmas potraits done in it!

I had Christmas diapers made, too. They just got here the other day. I wanted them now because in a couple weeks, we're going to our annual Christmas craft fair and I wanted her to be able to wear them.

I have some Olivia pictures too. I can't believe my daughter is 18 months old. There's nothing that makes your life fly by faster than having children. Suddenly, life just speeds up!

Look at these curls! I could play with her hair all day, seriously.

Can you see the lemon? I can't believe how much she likes them. She makes faces, but she always wants more. Oh, and see the boo-boo under her eye? It actually looks much worse in person. She fell off a chair and hit her face. :-( I'm having a hard time accepting that getting hurt is part of being a kid.

Here she is in James's old (but clean) painting shirt. She pulled it out of the laudry basket and cried until we put it on her. Then she wouldn't take it off.

She was so tired and needed to go to bed, but she still wouldn't let us take it off. If we got near her, she'd yell, "No! Shirt!"

This is the shirt I bought for Olivia to wear the day I found out I was pregnant. I never really blogged about how I told James. He had no idea I was going to test because I wanted to surprise him. I went out and bought this shirt, and when he got home, I waited for him to look at the shirt. Olivia kept pointing to her shirt and telling James that she had a bow on her shirt, and he told her it was cute, but he never read it. I kept waiting and waiting and I was getting really impatient. I even asked him if he looked closely at her shirt and he told me he had. LIAR! :-) Finally, he asked me when I thought I'd test, and I said, "Oh, I don't know. Hey, have you looked at her shirt?" and again, he said he had. Finally, I yelled at him, "READ THE DAMN SHIRT!" :-) And he did, but he didn't get it. ??????!!!!!????? He asked me why Olivia was wearing a "big sister" shirt if I hadn't even tested yet. I asked him why I'd put the shirt on her if I wasn't sure? He said, "well you said you hadn't tested" and I explained that I was putting him off because I wanted him to read the shirt. We both ended up laughing and hugging when he finally put it all together!!

That evening, my parents were coming by, and James said he didn't think they'd get it either. I told him I KNEW they would, and sure enough, they noticed right away. James is just dense I guess. LOL!

Anyway, I'm still not sure if it's hit me. For a few days I thought it had, but now I'm not so sure. I don't feel that differently, and my mind is so consumed with thoughts of Olivia-- her constant chattering (she even asks me questions now), and her climbing, and "re-organizing" of everything in the house. I'm too busy to think about being pregnant! I sometimes wonder how I'll handle 2 of them, but I'm 100% busy now, so I guess it can't get that much harder.

Well, I'm off to make dinner. We're going on a walk after dinner to enjoy this cool air for as long as it lasts. Tomorrow, we're going to a fall festival in the mountains!

Not quite the same thing

So I told James tonight that I'm going to become a La Leche League leader. I used to think these people were a bit nuts, but after attending meetings, I really like what this organization stands for. At first he was a bit surprised and expressed concern that this experience might make me end up nursing Olivia into her teens, which I assured him it wouldn't. I just think BF is awesome and I want to help people who need help. End of story. I'm not going to judge anyone who feels it's not for them. I'm not planning on organizing some outrageous nurse-in at some public location. Just want to help women who need help. I'll be a bit like a lactation consultant, but less trained. And, if at some point I wanted to become a LC, being a LLL will give me credits towards becoming one. I start training on Thursday. A current leader is leading me through the process. Should be fun! I love learning new things!

Which leads me to this conversation this evening with the hubby:

Me: I start my training Thursday to become a LLL leader.

James: Why would you want to do that?

Me: Because I want to help people.

James: Yeah, but won't you have to touch their boobs when you try to help them?

Me: Uh, wasn't planning on it.

James: But when you worked with the lactation consultant, she had to touch your boobs to help you.

Me: Well, I guess if I had to so I could help them, I would.

James: I can't imagine that. It would be like if I became a jerk-off consultant and had to touch men.

Me (now annoyed but very amused): It's not even the same thing!

And then we both laughed so hard we couldn't stop. Then...

Me: I am SOOOO blogging this!!!

A message from Ray Charles...

Ray Charles would like to wish you a Happy Friday!

A little too comfortable ???

I can be such an idiot sometimes. I really can.

This morning, Olivia and I started our day with stroller exercise as we do each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The usual moms didn't come today, so we ended up walking with this really friendly girl, Helena. (It's funny how I still call people in their 20's girls when they are actually ladies!) Anyway, in no time we were chatting as if we'd always known eachother. We swapped birth stories, and chatted about weird family members, and just basically talked about anything and everything, and by the end of the walk, we were comparing stretch marks and whining about loose skin on our tummies. Helena hiked up her shirt first to show me her mommy marks, and then it was my turn, so I quickly looked around and then pulled down my pants just a bit. Why do I do stuff like this? So then, I heard "woooo! wooooo!" and looked up to see about 20 prisoners* gawking while unloading lawn equipment. Boy did I give them a show! Helena assured me it was ok because I probably made their day. I think I may have actually scarred them for life.

What I did may sound weird, but I just love people like that with whom you feel so comfy! I remember GFF and I comparing our changed bodies in the bathroom when we met and this lady walked in. She's just one of those people who I felt really great around. I'm just like that with some people, and I think Helena is one of those types. I just need to be more careful about who's watching!

*Unlike where I lived up north, the prisoners are responsible for collecting trash and keeping the grounds in our city. I think it's good in many ways, but it also freaks me out.

Gross

Yesterday, I stepped on a used condom at the park, and later, a friend informed me that my ex, Doug, has a picture of his ass on his Myspace profile. I didn't look. Do I get props for that?

I had sex with George O'Malley

Last night, I dreamed that I slept with George from "Grey's Anatomy", except he was deaf and I had to sign to him. WTF? Why couldn't it have been Denny??? or even McSteamy? or I suppose even McDreamy, who is quite hot, but I just don't like his nose for some reason.

Actually, this is just one of many weird dreams I've had lately.

What's with the dreams? And no, I am not preggers. I just know someone would've suggested that. I almost wish I was. At least it would mean I'm not demented and crazy, which apparently, obviously, I am.

I won't even go into some of the other dreams I've had lately. Some are far weirder, although they didn't involve me sleeping with anyone.

Had any weird dreams lately? Come on, you know you want to make me feel better.

farts, toots, air biscuits, pooters, and my new favorite, poofs!

I told you in my last entry that I was going to re-visit the subject of farts. Why you ask? Well, my reasons are threefold: 1) We've unintentionally taught our daughter that farts are funny by laughing everytime she does one, 2) One of my favorite bloggers talked about it, and if she can do it, so can I, and 3) Quite frankly, between the three of us, there's a lot of farting going on, most of which gets blamed on the baby.

Let me start out by saying that I like the word "fart". It's a funny word, and I wasn't allowed to say it growing up. I didn't really grow up in a farting household. My parents have pretended like they don't fart since they got married. We had to say "toot", so now that I am big and can say what I want, I am going to say fart as much as I can. FART! FART! FART! :-) That's just too much work. It happens. Better to laugh I say! Anyway, we're pretty comfortable in my house. If you have to fart, you fart, although you may get yelled at if you're caught. Mostly though, we laugh at them. We yell at each other for it, but there's always paybacks eventually. Sadly, our fascination with farting has influenced Olivia, who is starting to laugh when she farts, or hears a fart. I know I should be teaching her appropriaite responses like saying "excuse me", so the whole situation has me thinking. Why are farts so funny (that is, if you even think they're funny)? I don't even know if I want her to say "fart", which means I need to stop saying it too. I like poofing. Someone "poofed" sounds good, don't you think?

Personally, as funny as farts are, I think we need to clean up our act around here, or we're going to have a child who farts in public and announces it to the world.

So, in my effort to make some decisions, I have some questions for you.

1) Do you live in a farting household?

2) What do you call it, or what would you like your kids to say?

3) What is an appropriate response when someone in the family farts poofs?

Not so erotic dreams

In the old days (aka, pre-parenthood), I often dreamed about my sexy husband, which of course he just loved.

Me: Honey, I had a sex dream about you last night.

Him: Really? What were we doing???

Except last night, I dreamed that I was in a store that was selling tons of cheap Robeez. They had all my favorites! I'm such a sucker for Robeez.

Still good dreams, but instead of just hot times with the hubby, my dreams seem to revolve around other things, like the price of children's footwear. :-)

What can I say? Times have sure changed . . .

I'll always win

Last night . . .

Me: Scratch my back.

James: I'm really tired.

Me: Well, I pushed an 8 lb,11oz baby out my tootie.

James: (begins scratching)

And heck, after one or two more kids, even more convincing! LOL!

Cell Phone, Schmell Phone

Never again can my husband yell at me for using my cell phone while driving. Now, I generally use an ear piece if I'm going to talk in the car, but there are the rare occasions when it's not hooked up and I'll grab the phone to answer it. Anyway, a girl in my nursing mom's group yesterday told us that she pumps milk with a dual electric breast pump while driving. "It's easy," she said, "just plug it ino the cigarette lighter!" Well gosh, since that was my only worry, I'll get right on it!

Thingies

After a depressing entry yesterday, today I am hoping to make you laugh. :-)

BTW, thank you to those of you who left me sweet messages yesterday. I had a better day today. (the pedicure my hubby told me to get yesterday evening sure helped!)

Ok, now for a laugh! The following is a note from a cute little boy I have. He always tries to be a good samaritan, even if that means telling on people he thinks have done something wrong.

"In gym today, David told me that some girls ask you your shoe size to find out what size your thingy is."

Signed Leon S.

and he even dated the note. How cute is that? I love that word-- thingy.

Odd

Last night when James and I went to bed, we were completing our nightly ritual of feeling the baby kick (she moves a lot when I first lay down and we put our hands on my belly to feel her). Suddenly, James said that he had forgotten to tell me something odd that happened at the post office earlier.

Apparently, as he was walking to his car after mailing packages, a women in the parking lot rolled down her window and began screaming for help. James thought something was horribly wrong. I'm sure she scared a bunch of people. When people went over, she said that her daughter had been farting in the car and it smelled horrible. She rolled down her wondow to get fresh air. I guess she was worried she'd pass out or something. Man, that child must've eaten something BAD and that women must've been nuts! Can you imagine screaming that loud and then after freaking people out, telling them it was all because of a fart???

Willow the Pillow

Last weekend, James got me a body pillow to sleep with. We read in "What to Expect When You're Expecting" that it helps to sleep with a pillow under your legs, especially in the second trimester when you can no longer sleep on your back. I am still getting used to it. It's just so big and it feels like a third person has begun sharing our bed. Because we are now sharing our bed with a giant pillow, we decided to name him. James suggested "Willy" and then said, "no, Willow. Willow the Pillow!" I cracked up because my best friend in middle school and I named a big pillow on her couch "Willow the Pillow." We used to sleep on it when we'd have sleepovers. Weird, I know. :-) Anyway, I'm still not sure if Willow is prohibiting sleep or just taking a while to get used to. I miss sleeping on my back. :-(

Meant to Be

Blame it on the hormones, but I've been sad about getting rid of James's old car. I guess it's because it was our first car together and we have many great memories in it. We took many vacations in it, and it was even decorated by our wedding party for our honeymoon.

The new car, who I am getting used to, has been named Alfred. James says that Alfred sounds like a butler's name, and his car takes him where he needs to go (yes, I know, we're wierd). Anyway, my car was bought about 4 years ago and her name is Victoria. I have been joking that my car is sad and misses Buddy, the old car. And then today, it hit me. Totally unplanned. Victoria and Alfred . . . my South African friends will get it.

Click below for the answer if you are totally lost. :-)

Our favorite place in the whole entire world is the Victoria & Alfred Waterfront in Cape Town, South Africa. :-) Our cars are meant to be. It's funny because I named my car 4 years ago before I even thought about going to South Africa, and James's car was named after a butler in a movie. But there you have it. I know I am really retarded. It just made me laugh because I was wearing my Victoria & Alfred sweatshirt from Cape Town today and I thought it was a funny coincidence. That, or I have WAY too much time to be thinking of these things. :-)

Forgive Me Father, for I Have Sinned

Last night James and I went to a Halloween dance at my school. I went as a nun-- a pregnant nun. :-) Some of the other things I tried on really made me look pregnant. I'm used to wearing baggy shirts to work, and since most of my students don't know, I decided this nun constume hid my bump quite well. Here though, I am pulling tightly so you can see my tummy. :-)

P.S. In case you were wondering, those are NOT my glasses. It's all part of the costume folks.

Meet Fred and Ethel

Yesterday, I went to the Farmer's Market to pick out our pumpkins. I came home with Fred and Ethel. Fred is the warty one.

The Blondest Brunette I Know

Yesterday, while many people slept in and enjoyed a day off, I had to go to school for a teacher planning day. We started the morning off with a faculty meeting, and at the end of the meeting, our principal asked if anyone had any announcements. Knowing the news of my pregnancy was making its way around, I decided to announce it so people would stop staring at my stomach and whispering behind my back. I quietly put up my hand, and no one noticed. So, my gay friend B (and the gay part is relevant later) waved his arms furiously to get the principal's attention. When he looked over, I stood up and quietly announced that yes, I am in fact pregant and then immediately sat down. After the clapping and good wishes stopped, the principal asked B if he too had an announcement. B sat there confused as to why the principal would think he had an announcement. Um, maybe because a minute ago, when he asked if anyone had an announcement, you waved your hand furiously? So he sat there for a minute, dumbfounded, before answering, "Um, no, it's not mine!" and he was completely serious. Being the quiet, rather proper girl that I am, I immediately turned a bright shade of pink and snapped "AS IF ANYONE THOUGHT IT WAS!!!" Now to me, it's obvious B is gay. The regular wearing of pink shirts in a variety of shades gives it away to me, but some teachers don't know. There are a few teachers who have hinted at our closeness before-- "does your husband know how close you are to B?" Um, yes, not that it's any of your damn business and oh, BTW, he likes MEN!! Why did he have to say that? How could he think our principal was implying he's the father? He is so, so blonde and I am so, so humiliated.

A further explanation: What makes this so funny (and embarrasing) is that B wasn't kidding. If you knew him, it'd be easier to understand. :-) He looked so genuinely confused when the principal asked him if he had something to say too. Also, I should have also said that there were people there from United Way. Nope, this was a normal day for B. He embarrases me all the time with random comments. He's the creative, ditzy type, but I love him. :-)

Um . . . Do I Know You?

Some random people named Jeff and Lauren Martin put us down as references for an application and I've never heard of them. I asked the lady to tell me the names they had written down, and they had both James and me down, along with our home telephone number. ???????? James doesn't know them either. Think they just got us out of the phone book or something? Too weird.

Naked in the City . . .

. . . naked in the beautiful city of Johannesburg that is, in front of the maid.

I almost forgot to tell this embarrasing moment that happened at the end of our trip-- at the very end, as we were getting ready to rush to the airport one last time, fairly sure we had a flight out this time.

We didn't have long to get ready to leave, so James hopped in the shower, and I hopped in the tub right next to it to shave my legs. James finished first and was drying off, when we thought we heard someone at our door. The bathroom door was closed, but we didn't want them to come in our room while we were naked, so James said "let me make sure the front door is locked." Well, when he opened the bathroom door, what we had heard were maids already in the room! James was butt naked and I was completely naked in the tub. I know she saw his wee-wee and my breasts. We were stunned and horrified and she just stood there, equally shocked. We never dreamed they were in the room. Didn't they hear us talking? James slammed the door and we heard them leave. Thank God we weren't in a compromising position of some sort. Remember, we were "trying" to get pregnant folks.

Then, later, when James was downstairs talking to our rep and I was getting the last of the packing done, the same woman came back in! I couldn't help but wonder if she was hoping for another peak at my sexy husband. We still hadn't checked out!

I blamed the whole thing on my husband, who in jumping behind the door so the maid couldn't see him, actually ended up exposing me, as the tub was right in front of the door. I'll never let him live it down. hehe. :-)

Things That Make Me Laugh

1) Every morning, Wrigley, our poodle, (aka Mr. Boo, Boofus, FooFoo, or our poodlicious boy), insists on trading a toy for his breakfast every morning. It's the cutest thing. He won't eat his breakfast until he has given James a toy. He doesn't want to play or anything, he just wants to give something in return. :-)

2) I don't usually blog about private things, but this was totally meant as a joke. Tonight we were talking about our trip and I mentioned that Kruger National Park is one of the best known places for wild animals and James replied, "I'd have to say that our bedroom is the first!"

Charles & Camilla

Ok, I've resisted the urge long enough. I have to give my opinion. :-) They don't really affect my life in anyway, but I have enjoyed listening to the newscasters' sarcastic remarks and the whole thing is quite amusing. I have to give them credit though, although both fooled around on their spouses. They did, however, wait a respectable amount of time after Diana's death to marry. Personally, if I may be so bold, I think they both look like horses. And what was up with that hat?

Promise You Won't Think I'm Mean?

I have nothing against them personally, I just couldn't resist!

Thank you to Valkyrie for posting something so funny!

Quirk

I I could change one thing about myself . . .

I wouldn't feel the need to carry so much crap in my purse so I could fit EVERYTHING into this adorable Coach wristlet from my best friend in Maryland. Doesn't she have great taste?

The Culprit

This poodle may look cute and cuddly, but don't let his innocent looks fool you. This little guy rolled in poop outside and decided he'd come in and roll on everything in the house, including a basket of clean laundry. The very back part of our yard is wooded and he was messing around back there for about 15 minutes before he came back inside. It didn't take me long to notice the smell, but it was too late. I guess I need to check him when he comes back in from now on. He made quite a stink, literally! Oh well, he got his just desserts. He HATES baths. *evil grin*

Willy Woka and the Curry Factory

So you probably think I'm a little goofy based on the title of this post, but I have been cooking up a storm lately with the help of my two kitchen companions: Willy Woka (my wok) and Ajuma the rice cooker (pictured above). In case you are wondering, "Ajuma" literally translates to mean "aunt" in Korean, but it's generaly used to refer to an old woman). Anyway, I have a habit of naming things, so when I started calling my new wok "Willy" (he was pictured last week), James joked that our house had become Willy Woka's curry factory, and indeed it has. :-)

I have to admit, when James first bought me my rice cooker, I wasn't quite sure how to use it. I wasted a lot of rice before I figured out ratios that worked for me, and now that I have it right, it's become my best friend in the kitchen. Alhtough, as James often reminds me, rice has a lot of carbs, so I don't make it as much as I'd like.

New Toy

Before meeting me at home for lunch today, James had to stop by Cracker Barrel to buy canned Jelly Bellies because he ate someone else's at work. (My husband is always owing food to someone) While he was there, he decided to pick up a new toy for the dogs-- this little weazel that is attached to a ball. When you put in the batteries, it rolls around the floor by itself. The dogs went nuts, especially our feisty, little poodle. He played with it all through lunch and wore himself out. Our rat terrier, Gracie, played some, but mostly watched from afar as you can see.

I Taste Like Bread

I taste like Bread.

I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking.

I took a quiz online to find out what I taste like. I found it on Bethanie's blog. I expected to be something a little more exciting. Bread is so plain and boring. Don't get me wrong, I like bread, but I don't want to be bread. Oh well. It said if I wasn't bread, I would be vanilla. Vanilla is good. Tea would've been better. :-)