Teatopia

Sassy

I have to post pictures from our shower this weekend, but I wanted to share this first. I still have to sort through the pictures . . .

This morning at breakfast:

Olivia and I were sitting at the table in the kitchen, and she was eating/playing with her yogurt. She knows not to put her hnads in it, but she often does it anyway, which she did this morning.

Olivia: (wanting me to unstrap her from her booster) Wash my hands in sink. They're sticky.

Me: No, Mommy's not done eating. You know not to stick your hands in your food. Use a napkin and we'll wash them after.

Olivia: No. Wash them now!

Me: Olivia, sometimes we have to wait.

Olivia: And sometimes we don't.

She even used "we" like I had said. So sassy! Oh, and those of you with older kids, please don't tell me what I'm in for later. I taught middle school. I'm afraid I already know. :-)

Off to Babies R' Us. I won something awesome in a drawing. I seriously NEVER win anything. More on that later, too.

Kid on a leash?

Wait a minute! Do you see my ticker? It's on the last box. Holy cow!!! Um, where did the time go? Ok, and now for my post . . .

I used to see kids being walked around on those leash/harness things and think, "Geez. It's not a dog."

But that was before I had a two-year-old who liked to run off in all public places. And trust me, if I could get her to stay in her stroller or a shopping cart, I would. I've had lots of advice, and the truth is, I don't know what else to do.

I can't push a cart and restrain a screaming child inside while still grocery shopping. She cries bloody murder in her stroller after she's had enough, and I can't disrupt people like that. I'm praying that she'll be more likely to sit in the double stroller when her brother is here because she'll be facing him and can "help" Mommy. I know this is just a phase, but I'm about to have another little one with me when we go out, and I can't be chasing her around.

Thankfully, by the time baby boy gets here, my mom will be done teaching for the summer, so she can help me go places, or watch Olivia, but I can't avoid taking her out by myself all together. She's such a joy to take places when I'm not running after her. She talks about everything, asks questions, points out things, and I love it. She does get time-outs when she runs off, but I don't want to punish completely by taking her nowhere.

So, I'm wondering this: what are your thoughts on those leashes/harnesses you sometimes see parents using? Like I said, I used to be against them, but in all honesty, any solution at this point is starting to look good. I have so many errands to run before the baby comes, and I can't even run at this point. BTW, I have had a gazillion people tell me there's no way I'm making it to my due date when I tell them I have a month to do.

Oh, I'll have to update later. I have my first internal exam today, as well as another non-stress test, and a Group B strep test.

Happy Birthday, My Precious Girl!

I can't believe I'm the mother of a 2 year old. An amazing, smart, funny, compassionate, and completely awesome 2 year old! God has richly blessed us. I can't stop kissing Olivia's cheeks and thanking God she's here. I love her more than I can express. Hard to believe she's only been here 2 years.

I'm a couple days late posting this, but it's been a busy couple days and I just now found my laptop, which is where I upload and edit all my photos. I have tons more to post (belly pics, house, etc) but I want to just focus on Olivia right now.

It seems like Olivia's more like a little girl these days, even though she's still a baby. (toddlers are babies, right?) She understands humor, and we have conversations back and forth all day. She says sentences with 10 words regularly. It's so much fun to hear what she'll say.

The other night, I wasn't sure where she'd gone, so I called her, and she said, "okay, I'm coming out!" and this is what I saw. She asked me to take a picture of her, and gave me the goofiest smile, which I just loved! It's sad when a toddler can walk in heels better than her mama.

Olivia truly is a girly-girl, although I fully expect that she'll also be a tree climber and sports player because of her energy. In fact, a friend of ours wants to plant a magnolia tree in our yard as a house-warming gift because he said Olivia needs somewhere to climb. :-) She loves her dolls though, and jewelry, too. She got earrings in her Easter basket (clip-ons) and she wears them all the time. I put them on the other day and she told me, "No Mommy. You already have earrings on. I wear those." Ha!

We actually didn't tell Olivia it was her birthday on Friday (the actual day) because her party wasn't until the next day and we didn't want to confuse her. She knew she was getting presents, balloons, and cake and I knew she'd expect it Friday, so we told her yesterday was her special day. So, since we celebrated yesterday instead, I spent Friday in somewhat quiet thought about how this was her last birthday as an only child. I think reminiscing about giving birth to Olivia really brought out my anxieties about having another baby. I think in that sense, I'm glad to have a boy because Olivia can still be our little princess. :-)

We just had family for the party. I had a wedding to go to in the afternoon (go wish Rebecca congratualtions!) and we kept it small.

Here's our new dining room with Hello Kitty decor, which was what Olivia wanted.

It was so neat to be able to set a table and accommodate everyone. We only had a 4 person table at the old house, which is now in the breakfast area. I'm used to squishing everyone in, so it was exciting to have my first "big dinner." :-)

Olivia was so excited by her presents and wouldn't leave them alone!

She didn't want to unwrap them. She was too focused on whatever had just been opened, so I had to help out with the unwrapping. She wanted everything out of the box right away. We took some of the stuff out for her to play with while I cleaned up dinner and got the cake and ice cream set out, and when I called everyone to come to the table, Olivia took 5 minutes because she was trying to carry everything with her. :-)

Here's the cake:

My blood sugar results are always so good (I test at least 5 times a day) that as my bedtime snack (which I am required to eat about 2 hours after dinner), I had a small piece of cake with not too much icing. It was divine! Now the stupid cake is sitting on the counter calling my name, and I am trying so hard not to look at it. I am definitely taking it to my parents' tonight and leaving it there until it's gone.

Olivia got a doll from my aunt and uncle that cries and makes noises when she drinks. My sister bought her an "Alice in Wonderland" doll and the movie, my parents got her a tricycle and an "Ariel" doll, she got a wooden puzzle (she loves them!) from my grandma and some books, and from us, a Leapfrog toy that teaches ABC's, a cash register, Barbie DoodlePro, a stuffed dog that comes with all the stuff to care for him, and some other things. All morning, she's been changing various dolls' diapers, feeding them, and styling their hair. I love to watch her! James joked that Olivia got so much stuff that we might have to buy a bigger house, which of course we couldn't afford anyway. :-) Besides, I'm never moving again, at least not until my kids are old enough to help. LOL! We managed to create a good space for Olivia with all her toys. Her room is bigger at this new house, which is nice. I just wish she had some little girls to play with. My 2 closest girl friends have boys, and she adores them, but they aren't doll players. Olivia likes to brush their hair, put "product" in it (she sees me use leave-in conditioner and sometimes other stuff).

Olivia's new room:

There's another wall with a closet and a few baskets of toys and small fort, and then the other wall has a small Princess themed couch (just Olivia's size) and a toy box. For some reason, I didn't take pictures of the rest of the room, but you get the idea: crowded and pink. :-)

I'll do another entry with the almost-done nursery and other rooms, but I wanted this entry to be about Olivia.

Here are some other recent things I want to remember:

-- the other morning, I was getting dressed, and I put on a pair of V's Secret underwear with purple and pink polka dots. Olivia took one look and said, "Mommy, there's pictures of moles on your panties." HA!

-- Yesterday morning, she shook me, saying, "Mommy get up!" and then she told me (which is what we've been telling her) "I say "K kkk cookie, NOT tookie!" (she often says "t" for "c/k")

-- In typical 2 year old fashion, Olivia is getting a little bit of an attitude. When ever James and I are talking to each other, or my mom and I are talking, Olivia yells, "No talking. Just talk me!"

-- Although Olivia LOVES dolls, she doesn't like anything that makes noise or moves. They scare her, so we keep all the dolls turned off mostly. Whenever a doll gets turned on and makes a noise, Olivia throws them and says, "Mommy, I scared when dolly cries. Turn off!" We're working on leaving them on. There are such neat toys out there and it seems wasteful to keep them all off. I'm trying gradually to make her feel more comfortable, so I hold her when we turn on the doll, and then she's ok with it.

-- Almost every night, when James bathes her, she knocks the towel off his shoulder and snuggles into his neck, saying, "this is my favorite!" I think it's his favorite, too.

And I'll leave you with that. I won't be a stranger, promise. I've got my laptop back!

Quotable

The pictures are coming, promise. I'll have more of the new house in a few days, so I'll just do a big picture post. In the meantime . . .

The other morning as I sipped coffee:

Olivia: I need some Mommy's coffee (she says "toffee")
Hannah: Only mommy's drink coffee.
Olivia: When I get older, I drink coffee, too!

Now tell me that isn't smart! I laughed and told her that she was very clever, so now she uses this quote for everything. "When Gracie (the dog) gets older, she can have some cookies." and then the other day, "this dolly not talk. When she gets older, she can talk." Ha! Soooo funny!

It's my blog and I can cry if I want to . . .

Still happy about the settlement, but . . .

I'm not sure that I've mentioned it, but I got the cold from hell sometime before Christmas and it hasn't completely left me yet. I've been coughing since then and it's been driving me nuts. Just when I thought it was a little better, I've caught something else. And nothing-- NOTHING-- on my approved medicines list is helping at all.

Last night though, I found something that definitely had an effect on me. It didn't clear my nose, but it kept me laying awake for nearly 4 hours last night. I was tired, but I absolutely could not fall asleep and my mind was racing from the stress of not being able to sleep and from everything else we've got going on. I couldn't stop thinking about the listings my real estate agent sent us, like this one: (too lazy to make pics the same size)

I tried to imagine how our furniture would fit in the houses we like and I was stumped over exactly what to do with 2 living rooms, as most houses we like seem to have. Who has a formal living room with 2 babies? I kept imagining whether having a pool would be totally awesome or too much work and a danger for kids and dogs. Still not sure...

I also thought about everything I need to do today to get ready for the realtor tonight. She's coming to look at our house and put a price tag on it. I'm worried she'll tell us to change a bunch of things, and I know I'll just cry if I have to worry about painting or re-arranging. It just seems like too much right now. James is already driving me nuts with everything he wants to do, which would have our house ready for the market sometime next year! I want this house sold and gone before the baby comes because it'll be so much harder after he's here. I won't be able to straighten up as easily, and there will be swings and bouncy seats out, not to mention-- where will all his clothes and things go? I don't want to worry about creating a nursery and finding a place to move James's office, further cluttering our house, just to move a month or so later.

Today, I really need to be working in the house, but all I want to do is lay on the couch. I can't freaking breathe! Even eating and drinking makes me gag because I'm breathing from my mouth and I can't when there's something in it. My nose is totally clogged. Did I mention that everytime I cough or sneeze, I pee? Yep. Even if I've just gone, which I can assure you was no more than 5 minutes before. I swear I got up at least twice an hour last night to pee. How many calories do you think I burned walking back and forth last night to the bathroom? My guess it, enough to order whipped cream at Starbucks today (that is, if I have the energy to go. A white mocha sounds so good right now).

If I was still teaching, this would be a day to pop in a grammar video and sit at my desk, detention slips ready to go for any student who continued talking after their 3rd warning. I so would've done that. It would've been quiet and I could've sat there and felt miserable. Instead, I'm spending my day with a hyper toddler, who I love to death, but who no doubt will have had me draw Santa Claus at LEAST 30 times before James comes home because that's still her favorite thing (we've tried to explain he's gone until next year, but she doesn't care). In fact, last night she held a wipe up to her chin, yelling, "Look, Mommy! Have white beard!" and in a low, funny voice, she said, "Merry Christmas!!!!" How's that for cute? We have a smart little girl! I'll probably spend my day changing the diaper of every single doll and stuffed animal in the house because as Olivia says, "It pooped again, Mommy! I'll get diaper!"

I'll leave you with this: would you buy a house with a pool? Before you say, "heck yes!!" be sure to think about safety issues and maintenance and all that. It sure would be neat to say, "Hey! Pool party at our house!"

Ok, off to pee and blow my nose. Again.

Master of Chopsticks

On Friday night, we went out for Korean food, one of my favorites after Indian food (and Thai food, too). Olivia wasn't too thrilled with most of the food, but she loved the rice. She decided she wanted to be like us and use chopsticks. I was amazed at how well she did just by watching us. She held them mostly correctly and was able to pick up rice with them!

She is the coolest little girl. I can't get over how much fun it is having a toddler. Today we waited in a cramped waiting room for almost 3 hours while I got new brakes and she made friends with everyone. She even climbed up on a few people who paid her extra attention, and they assured me it was fine.

Lately, bathtime is her favorite, but she scares me sometimes because she likes to lay on her back. We always watch her, but I'm scared she'll get a mouthful of water.

See how nicely the bubbles cover parts I don't want on the internet? BTW, we add Aveno wash to her water. Bubble bath can give little girls infections.

Oh, and I have to add this one in there. Tonight I made Mutter Paneer (peas and cheese cubes in a curry sauce). Yum! I feel so proud. Most things I make these days are either frozen or come from a box. *sigh*

Merry Belated Christmas!

The good news is, our Christmas was good for most of the day. I finally started feeling better after getting some antibiotics on Saturday, but then Olivia got sick Christmas afternoon and threw up all over her Santa outfit before she could even show it off. Luckily, she hasn't thrown up again, but she has a fever and bumps everywhere. I thought it might be hand, foot, & mouth disease, and the doctor confirmed it today. She has blistery bumps all over her lips, hands, feet, and behind. They aren't seeming to bother her, but she's fussy and I'm praying she doesn't get any blisters inside her mouth, which would make it hard for her to eat and drink. I don't know where in the world she picked it up. I'm always soooo OCD about cleaning things and wiping shopping carts and changing tables with anti-bacterial wipes, but that just shows me that I can't protect her from everything.

We had a fabulous Christmas. Olivia really understood it this year. It was so exciting to watch her run into the living room and see her gifts, yelling "Santa toys, mama!" Santa was good to all of us this year, even though James and I cut back on the spending for each other this year. I gots some great books and DVD's, among other things. James also got me some rare Starbucks memorabelia, which he knew I'd love. I'm such a dork. :-)

James took this Christmas morning before Olivia and I woke up. You can see the Rose Cottage we bought for Olivia. We probably should move to a bigger house just so there's more room for this thing. It conveniently folds up though and we just stick it in the corner.

While James was taking picture, me, my double chin, and Olivia were still sleeping.

top row: My pretty sister, my grandma eating a cookie*, Olivia admiring all her gifts
middle row: Olivia in awe, my blossoming belly, Olivia playing with her new doll at my parents'
bottomw row: my sister's bf drinking coffee while wearing "Billy Bob" teeth (hilarious!!), my awesome dad, Olivia in her Santa outfit before she threw up

*I believe this picture must be explained. My sister and I baked Christmas cookies-- very tasteful, appropriate cookies, but we realized that the dog bone shaped cutter we used looked quite, uh, funny, so my sister broke of part of it and turned it into something not-so-appropriate. Interestingly, although I have a religious family, they are hilarious, so we gave the cookie to my grandma to eat. At first she didn't get it, but when she saw it, she had a good laugh and played along. Funny! Hard to believe it all started with a perfectly innocent dog bone shaped cookie cutter.

Ok, I think I'll leave you with that. I do have something personal I want to talk to you all about soon. Probably in the next few days when Olivia is feeling better.

babies, birthing, and potty training!

Things have calmed down, finally. I'm enjoying the busyness of the holiday season-- finally got all my stuff mailed! I've been busy wrapping gifts, which is next to impossible with a toddler "helping" and also helping out my mom. She's improving a little each day, but still has a ways to go.

I'm most enjoying feeling little kicks and flutters as I go about my day, but it's also kind of freaking me out. Those of you who have more than one child need to reassure me that I'm not crazy for having another and I'll be able to handle. As Olivia gets older and more difficult-- but not in a bad way-- I'm wondering how I'll manage two of them. And I still have all those fears about loving another one as much. James gets upset whenever I express this concern because in his mind, why wouldn't I love another just as much? But I don't think he understands how it is for the mother. He doesn't have the same bond I share with Olivia. A Daddy's role is a bit different I think. She grew in MY tummy, came out of MY body, nursed from ME for 18 months. I can't imagine nursing another one that isn't Olivia. Is that weird? I feel guilty already for not being able to play "horsey" and have Olivia bouncing on my tummy.

Speaking of the new baby, I loved "The Business of Being Born" and it struck a chord in me because I related so much to it. Although I had a "typical" birth the first time, there were so many things I wasn't happy with. They made me push the second I was dilated completely, and being 10 cm does not mean you are ready to push. I never even had the urge. I think because they made me push earlier than I was ready for, it caused them to have to use the vacuum and cut me to make room not once, but twice. Had my body been ready, I might've been better at pushing her out on my own and I might not have all these bladder problems. I didn't like that I was stuck in bed because it's a proven fact that you need to move around to help the baby pass through the pelvis. They wouldn't let me drink water. I couldn't have a birth plan, which meant I had no say in anything. I don't want that again. I want freedom to be an active part of the process and not a bystander. So, I have decided to go with a certified nurse midwife, who is a nurse practitioner, but also a midwife. She works with an OBGYN practice, so if I needed a doctor, I'd have one available. It feels right. I think I'd like to try to birth naturally this time, so I am going to take a Bradley course. I think epidurals are great if that's what you want, and if I end up with one, that's ok, but I want to try to do it another way this time.

Oh!!! Guess what? We have a little potty trainee! She has initiated it all on her own and has successfully tee-teed on the potty twice. The first time was a couple nights ago. She decided to sit on her potty before her bath, and she went! Today she tried to take off her pants and when I asked her what she was doing, she said, "I go potty! Diaper off!" She sat there on the potty for a while, so finally, I left her on her little potty while I went to get a diaper, and she came running out of the bathroom yelling, "I tee-teed in potty!" Sure enough, she had! We had to tell everyone. When we called my grandma so Olivia could tell her, Olivia held the phone up right above her potty, pointing to it and yelling, "See? Look! Tee-tee in potty. See it?"

I'm not going to get really serious about it until after Christmas because we're out a lot, but I think she's more than ready!

Losing My Mind

Lately, things have been stressful to say the least. There are times I think I'll simply lose my mind because of everything going on, and other times, I feel God's peace and I'm thankful for the blessings in my life-- and there are many.

My mom hasn't been doing so well. She's having trouble keeping up with her exercises and she's in terrible pain. I've watched people in my family have knee replacements before. There is a rare condition in my family that causes leg deformities (I'm not a carrier) so leg surgeries are nothing new, but my mom's was extremely complicated because of the severe nature of her deformities. From the outside, her legs have always looked fairly normal besides off-center knee caps, but inside, the bones are not formed properly and she's missing parts. It's going to be a long recovery.

My grandma finds out tomorrow whether or not she has cancer, pre-cancer, or something completely different. If she has cancer, I will be devestated. Few people I've ever known are as close to their grandmas as I am. I talk to her every single day. I see her several times a week, at least 4. I have never lived more than 15 minutes from her my entire life, no matter what state we were in. She is a second mother to me. I tell her everything. How many teenages do you know who talk to their grandmothers about their boyfriends? She has always been my advice giver. Seeing her with Olivia brings tears to my eyes. I know she has to go someday, but I'm not ready. She has to get to know this new baby. I am terrified. Please pray for her.

I'm trying to juggle family duties (and taking care of a high-maintenance toddler) and be a good organizer of my Christian mom's group. It's been a rough start, and although I have been diligent about not saying anything negative (besides on my blog) about the group I left (Karen's group), rumors are flying. It would take me a million years to get into everything, but I'm very confused and angry as to why our shared members (people who are in our group and Karens) have no problem with Karen talking about us behind our backs all the time (many people have told me what she says) yet people are mad at me and my co-organizer for, in their words, judging Karen. Because we left to start a Christian group, they think we must be judgmental of her and her group because it wasn't good enough. People will find fault in anything. It just makes me mad because my co-organizer and I have been so careful not to say anything negative about Karen or her group so we could keep a clean, Christian reputation, and it hasn't made any difference. People assume the worst anyway. We've been praying hard for our group, and things are better. The people who just wanted drama are gone, and the ones left are awesome, Christian moms with awesome kids. Before I end this topic, I have to say one thing that gave me just a little satisfaction, even if it's wrong to feel this way. Karen has tried hard to eliminate any group in the area but hers. I've heard her say things about other groups in the past, so I have no doubt she hates ours, too. She "coincidentally" schedules events at the same time as ours, and yesterday, she scheduled an event at the library at the same time as ours. We couldn't be sure she did it on purpose, but it's a safe bet. Well, when we got there, she was arguing with the library because she wanted her "usual" room, the one we were in. They explained that we booked it first, so really, by scheduling her event at the same time, she screwed herself out of her room. Maybe she learned something. I can proudly say that I've done nothing to hurt her or her group and I don't see it as a competition. I don't want her members. I left them for a reason. :-) If I only have a few members who are kind, drama-free people, I'll be thrilled.

I think all the stress and physical stuff I've been doing (cleaning, helping my mom, baking for friends and family, carrying heavy packages to the post office) has caused me to spot again. It's light, and there's no cramping or dark red blood. The doctor assures me all is well with the little one (and I think I'm feeling flutters maybe), but I know I'm doing too much. I wish I had a day to myself. Tomorrow night, I'm going with some friends to see "The Business of Being Born" hosted by our local birth network, so I'm excited about that. It might help me make some decisions about the birth I want this time.

In Olivia news, she is as funny as ever.

She insists regularly that she "pegnant" and says "Have beebee in my tummeeeee." She tells me she loves me all time time and that I'm pretty. Then she says, "eeeya (she calls herself this) pretty, too!" She calls Santa everyday on her pretend phone and tells him she wants a dolly. It makes me tear-up seeing her do all these things. Her vocabulary continues to amaze me. She's speaking better than most 2 year olds I know. The pediatrician assures us she's extremely advanced. :-) I just need to remind myself all kids learn at different paces and this next one might be totally different. I'm guessing that unlike Olivia, he/she will walk early and talk much later and be the total opposite.

We find out the sex in a week and a half. Don't forget to vote.

Well, that concludes this update. Time for bed...

Pictures, pictures!

First, belly pics as promised, though they're a bit late. I don't think I'm as big as I look. Some of it's bloating, but I do think some of it's baby as well.

Last night, we took Olivia to Aflac (where James works as an engineer) for a "lighting of the tree" celebration. The Aflac daycare kids performed (precious!) and a choir sang, and they served cookies and drinks. The best part was Santa being there. James didn't even tell me about the festivities until yesterday afternoon, so I hurried to wash Olivia's new Christmas outfit and change out of my sweats. I told her we were going to see Santa, who she hasn't stopped talking about since seeing him weeks ago.

Before we left, I snapped some quick pictures. She used to smile as soon as she saw the camera, but lately, when I say "smile Olivia!" this is what I get:

All the way there in the car, she talked about Santa.

"Santa hat. Santa beard. Santa buckle on belt. Kiss and hug Santa."

Then she sang Christmas carols, which I have yet to catch successfully on video.

"Frosty O-man. Happy. Frosty nose. Dooo-dooo-dooooooo! Eeeeee-bells! Eeeee-bells!" It's the funniest thing. She sings bits and pieces of songs she remembers.

The event at Aflac wasn't as thrilling as I hoped. It turned out to be not just an Aflac employees event, but a community thing, probably because of the free food. It was too crowded and there were some rednecks there who didn't have enough sense or consideration to be quiet while the kids perfomed and the choir sang. And please don't think I'm mean for calling someone a redneck. I love our Southern town, but some people really are rednecks. They might be nice people (I have some rednecks in my family), but they sure as hell can't keep quiet when it's appropriate.

We did get to greet Santa up close in spite of all the people, but Olivia chickened out again. She talks about Santa all the time, but the two times she's seen him, she's been scared. I'm not sure if we'll be getting pictures taken with Santa this year or not. Last year, I didn't even give anyone a picture of her with Santa because I had to hold her in the picture, and I looked so awful and fat that I hid them in a drawer.

Today, I have to pick up our poodle from the groomers, do major grocery shopping (it's pay day!) and run a few errands. Then tonight, the baby in my tummy is telling me it wants pizza, so I'll probably feed the baby what it wants. :-)

Did I speak too soon?

Last night, as I was putting Olivia to bed, she asked for "boof". She's mentioned it a few times in the last week, but either forgot or got distracted before I could nurse her. Last night though, she was insistent and started to cry, so I nursed her. She didn't nurse long, but then this morning, she wanted it again.

So...

now I'm confused. I don't want to refuse her and MAKE her stop. Part of me was so relieved. I couldn't help but cry as I watched her nurse. I kept thinking, "hooray! She hasn't weaned yet" but then also, there was a sense of dread because I'd sort of accepted that we were done, and now, I'll have to go through the sad feelings all over again.

The fact that she went several days without nursing tells me that weaning is just around the corner. I guess I'll let her nurse when she wants since it isn't often, and I assume that soon, she'll either completely stop, or there won't be enough milk to keep her interested.

Please pray that I am able to discern whether or not it's time to wean. Part me thinks I shouldn't nurse her when she asks since I was coming to terms with weaning, but another stronger part of me says that she'll wean soon anyway, and I should enjoy the few precious times we have left.

I already told James that the next time she asks (assuming there's a next time), I want him to take pictures. I could tell he thought it was odd, but I don't care. I want a visual memory of our nursing relationship.

The time has come and it hurts like hell...

I knew it had to happen, but it's been a lot harder (for me) than I thought. Olivia is weaning/weaned.

Before we TTCed, I was actually hoping this is what would get Olivia to wean. I wanted her to initiate it, and I knew that pregnancy often causes babies to stop nursing because the taste of the milk changes. I'm just having a really hard time with it and I can't stop crying when I think about it. I've barely told anyone because I'm afraid I'll burst into tears if I talk about it. I figured weaning while pregnant would be easier because I'd already have another nurser on the way, but really, it hasn't helped at all. In fact, I think the pregnancy hormones are making this whole weaning thing feel a million times more sad. And worse-- I am hesitant to admit this-- I am almost resenting the baby in my tummy for bringing about all these changes. I have this weird protective feeling over Olivia lately, which I'm thinking is me feeling guilty for having another one on the way when she's currently the center of my world. And now the weaning is making me more sad about having another one. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, she wouldn't have weaned. I keep thinking stuff like: Olivia's getting shots on Friday, and if I was still nursing, she'd be less likely to get sick from the shots.

I feel SOOOO ridiculous for having these feelings. I know I am super sensitive and emotional right now. I tried to tell James about my feelings (big mistake) and he was like, "huh? Why would you resent the baby?" He's right, but I can't help how I feel. I'm a crazy pregnant lady. :-) I really WANT this second child and he/she was very much planned. I'm just having strange emotions about adding another child to our family and I am heartbroken that Olivia is growing up and that the new baby will "replace" her as the nursling.

This morning, for the first time in a few days (it's been 5 since she nursed), she asked for "boof" (which is what she calls it), so I decided to offer her juice instead. If she said no and still wanted to nurse, I was going to do it (I still have some milk) and if she drank the juice, then I'd know she was ready to be done. She took the juice. My heart sank.

Part of me wants to encourage her to keep nursing. I could probably get her to do it, but she's not as interested and hasn't been in weeks. I can tell that she doesn't like the milk as much, which is a result of my hormones changing its taste. Weaning while pregnancy is a very normal thing, but I can't even blog about it without crying.

Today, my issue of "Kiwi" magazine came, which always has something about breastfeeding, and I can't even bring myself to read it. I feel so silly and stupid for having these thoughts. I don't want to see a picture of a mother happily nursing her baby, or an add for Motherwear (nursing clothes).

Why is this so freaking hard? It's natural. It's time. 18 months is awesome! But my heart is aching. I don't even have many pictures of her nursing. That's the worst part. I wish I had more pictures, so I could remember the bond...

Possibly the best Saturday EVER!!!

On Saturday, I FINALLY used a gift certificate I received last Christmas to get a massage at a place called Heavenly Hands. My grandma had heard about the magic this woman works, so she got everyone in the family a gift certificate for a one hour full body massage. She's been bugging me to use it, and I'm sooooo glad I waited until now because I have never needed it more. My back pain has been almost intolerable. I forgot to mention that the results of the discogram I had showed an anular tear, which means the fluid in the center of my discs is leaking out into my back, causing me great pain, so you can imagine how great the massage felt! Her hands were like magic. After the massage, she asked me if I had been in an accident, and when I said yes, she told me that she hoped I had gotten some good money out of it because she could tell the extent of the damage just from that one hour. We haven't settled yet, so I could use your prayers about the whole settlement mess, which will be over by Febuary, exactly 2 years after the accident.

My mom has her massage right after mine, and then we had lunch at a local favorite around here, Country's. Later, my parents took Olivia out to eat and back to their house while James and I went to our first movie in a year. We saw Rendition, which was quite good!

It was a great day! I can tell you one thing, I will definitely be treating myself to more massages. I am in so much pain from the accident, and I am constantly carrying a toddler and lugging around a huge diaper bag (I seriously have everything but the kitchen sink in there and I can't seem to do without anything). I just want to treat myself while I'm pregnant. Although I don't feel as sick, I can already tell that my back is going to be an issue, so I want to take care of myself.

My fingers are so completely swollen. I had to take my rings off a couple weeks ago. Is it possible to be swollen this soon? I haven't had my first appt yet, but I hate to call just to ask about my fingers. I doubt I'll hear the heart beat at my first appt. I'll be 9 weeks, so I think that's too soon. I guess I'll hear it at the next one.

I am so curious as to what this one is. If it's a girl, I think I'll be relieved because I already have one and I have all the stuff. If it's a boy, there will be a moment of "oh crap! What do I do with a boy? What do I do with his penis while I change his diaper????" and then I think I'll feel excited because I'll be experiencing something different. We don't really know what we'll name either one, but it's already fun to talk about it. We don't agree on anything this time, so hopefully, when it gets closer, James will give in. :-)

Just had to share: Olivia is saying sentences all the time now. The other day, the check-out lady asked me how old she was, and I said, "18 months." She said, "What? 18 months? I just heard her say a whole sentence! She's amazing!" and I felt sooooo happy! :-) She asks questions, sings songs (not the whole song of course) and answers me in 4 words sometimes. She's great with pronouns too. She referred to my sister's bf as "him" and she differentiates between "that" and "those". I love this age!

When my money from Payperpost comes in, I am soooo buying these Robeez!!!

update in pictures and how I told James I was pregnant!

Well, the cravings have begun. I can't stop thinking about food. I'm almost hoping I'll get nauseous just so I'll stop eating. It might be the only thing that keeps me from gaining 25 pounds in the first trimester! Yesterday, I wanted Mexican food so bad, but my car was in the shop getting 2 flat tires fixed (must've run over something). I kept trying to think of a Mexican restaurant that delivered, but there aren't any, so as soon as I got my car back at 3:00, I went right out to a Mexican restaurant with Olivia. :-)

My boobs are really, really sore and nursing has become unpleasant. I'm hoping Olivia will wean herself. I get teary eyed just thinking about it, but we've gone 18 months, and it's probably time. If my boobs stop hurting though and she's still going, I guess I'll cross that bridge then. She nurses so little that I guess I could nurse two...

I told you I'd show you the Christmas outfit I bought Olivia. It's one of the most expensive things I've bought. I always buy her nice clothes, but I don't throw money around. I have a friend whose daughter is always dressed to the nines. I don't think I've seen her in something that didn't cost $50, seriously. Everything is embroidered, hand smocked, and from one of the few pricey boutiques. Olivia has some things like that, but I'm choosey and I look for sales. Anyway, here's her Christmas outfit. I definitely want to get her Christmas potraits done in it!

I had Christmas diapers made, too. They just got here the other day. I wanted them now because in a couple weeks, we're going to our annual Christmas craft fair and I wanted her to be able to wear them.

I have some Olivia pictures too. I can't believe my daughter is 18 months old. There's nothing that makes your life fly by faster than having children. Suddenly, life just speeds up!

Look at these curls! I could play with her hair all day, seriously.

Can you see the lemon? I can't believe how much she likes them. She makes faces, but she always wants more. Oh, and see the boo-boo under her eye? It actually looks much worse in person. She fell off a chair and hit her face. :-( I'm having a hard time accepting that getting hurt is part of being a kid.

Here she is in James's old (but clean) painting shirt. She pulled it out of the laudry basket and cried until we put it on her. Then she wouldn't take it off.

She was so tired and needed to go to bed, but she still wouldn't let us take it off. If we got near her, she'd yell, "No! Shirt!"

This is the shirt I bought for Olivia to wear the day I found out I was pregnant. I never really blogged about how I told James. He had no idea I was going to test because I wanted to surprise him. I went out and bought this shirt, and when he got home, I waited for him to look at the shirt. Olivia kept pointing to her shirt and telling James that she had a bow on her shirt, and he told her it was cute, but he never read it. I kept waiting and waiting and I was getting really impatient. I even asked him if he looked closely at her shirt and he told me he had. LIAR! :-) Finally, he asked me when I thought I'd test, and I said, "Oh, I don't know. Hey, have you looked at her shirt?" and again, he said he had. Finally, I yelled at him, "READ THE DAMN SHIRT!" :-) And he did, but he didn't get it. ??????!!!!!????? He asked me why Olivia was wearing a "big sister" shirt if I hadn't even tested yet. I asked him why I'd put the shirt on her if I wasn't sure? He said, "well you said you hadn't tested" and I explained that I was putting him off because I wanted him to read the shirt. We both ended up laughing and hugging when he finally put it all together!!

That evening, my parents were coming by, and James said he didn't think they'd get it either. I told him I KNEW they would, and sure enough, they noticed right away. James is just dense I guess. LOL!

Anyway, I'm still not sure if it's hit me. For a few days I thought it had, but now I'm not so sure. I don't feel that differently, and my mind is so consumed with thoughts of Olivia-- her constant chattering (she even asks me questions now), and her climbing, and "re-organizing" of everything in the house. I'm too busy to think about being pregnant! I sometimes wonder how I'll handle 2 of them, but I'm 100% busy now, so I guess it can't get that much harder.

Well, I'm off to make dinner. We're going on a walk after dinner to enjoy this cool air for as long as it lasts. Tomorrow, we're going to a fall festival in the mountains!

Chatter Box

I want to remember everything that comes out of Olivia's mouth. She is soooooo funny! She's speaking in short sentences now (3-4 words).

<> Yesterday, I tried to pick her up, and she told me, "No. I want Dada!" Made me sad, but I'm glad she can tell us things.

<> When she wants something, she'll now say, "I want juice, please." Good girl! But she's not always so polite...

<> Apparently, we're not allowed to help her ever again. If I even attempt to pick up a spoon, or try to brush her teeth, she yells, "I do it!!!"

<> If there's anything brown anywhere, she says, "Wow. Poop!" There was a raisinette on the floor, and she was convinced it was poop.

<> She's able to tell us what hurts and where, which is so helpful. She tells me, "ow. teeth" and the other day, "ow, tummy, toots." It's so much easier when you can ask them what hurts and they can tell you.

I seriously think she's OCD (my mom says she's just observant). She hates fuzz being on the floor, or a hair on my shirt. Because my hair is layered, I often have a few strands of hair in my face, and Olivia immediately takes her hand and pushes them out of my face, and then usually kisses me. My sweet, helpful girl.

I just want to remember everything she says and does. She's been singing parts of songs on her own, and she laughs at everything. She's just so much fun!!!

Changes

Second pregnancies are different. I'm only a little over a month along and I've already decided that. Emotionally, everything is different. I've been fighting the "been there, done that" feeling that I seem to be having. I guess it's only normal since I have been here before. It's not that I'm not thrilled to be doing it again, because I am, but with a toddler occupying my every minute, there's isn't much room left to dwell on being pregnant.

With Olivia, there was the constant awareness of the life growing inside me. When I was teaching, the thought "Oh my gosh! I'm really pregnant!" would creep into my mind constantly. I'd think about it in the morning when I woke up, and touch my tummy throughout the day just to be closer to what was growing inside me. Now, my every thought is pretty much centered around Olivia, which is completely normal, but it's just very different from before.

In many ways, I feel guilty that I'm not as focused this time around. The day I found out I was pregnant with Olivia, I went out and bought her some presents. The day I found out I was pregnant this time, I went and bought Olivia a present. Very different this time.

Then there are the fears about loving another child, etc. etc. I have been assured this is normal, but I feel guilty none the less. I'm almost too scared to get attached anyway because it's so early.

Obviously, the process of preparing for another child is going to bring about big changes. We need to get Olivia out of our bed, and we need to do it WAY before the baby comes so she doesn't face too many changes at once. I'm alrady mourning the loss of not having her next to me. I kiss her so much while she sleeps that James yells at me because he thinks I'll wake her up. I bury my face in her hair and snuggle with her. It's a pleasure I may never again have, so I want to savour it and take it all in. I'm also anticipating weaning Olivia. Not a good anticipation, but an expectant one because I'm assuming, like many babies, she'll wean since I'm pregnant. Then again, she may be one of the ones that doesn't, and I'm not sure what we'll do then. I want her to initiate it. Does it really hurt anything if she continues to nurse? She doesn't do it often. I want my body back, but at the same time I dread the time when she no longer needs my breast for comfort. I'll miss her asking for "boof" and giving me kisses, which is what she does when she really wants something. I'm getting choked up now just thinking about it.

I don't know if I'm ready for someone else to take Olivia's place. She'll always be my first born and I know I'll love them equally, but I don't want to get her out of my bed and off my breast just so someone else can take her place, yet somehow I know it'll be fine when the time comes. It's just hard to think about now because I'm feeling protective of her. I don't want her to feel jealous or left out. Am I silly?

So there you have it. I feel guilty for not obsessing about being pregnant, but guilty for being pregnant and having to move Olivia to her own room (somethng I've dreaded for months) and probably having to wean her. Why all the guilt? Maybe I'm just really emotional. Is it too soon to be experiencing crazy hormones?

Crazy for Cloth

You might think I'm nuts, but I have good reasons:

I seriously LOVE our cloth diapers. I used to be one of those moms who gave kudos to anyone who cloth diapered, but thought they were kind of nuts for making more work for themselves. I also didn't know too much then about all the advances in cloth diapering since our mothers used them. Today, cloth diapering can be fun. They're a fashion accessory! And I don't spend much time taking care of them, really. It also feels good to be helping the environment. If you live in the city like me, the water you use to clean them is going to be re-used and I love than I'm not contributing to landfill waste. Did you know that disposable diapers are the number 3 pollutant in landfills? Also, the chemicals that disposables give off when wet is most likely one of the factors contributing to the growing numbers of kids with asthma. These are all factors that contributed to my decision to switch to cloth. I never really blogged about it at the time because I didn't want to seem preachy. We all have to do what's best for our family. I have no judgment, honestly, but if you think you might be interested in cloth (I've gotten e-mails from a few of you), I'd be happy to help you out in any way I can. I couldn't be happier about the making the switch!

The various types:

So... there are several types of cloth diapers to choose from. I'm going to show you my favorite. There are other types I don't use: contours, prefolds, and flats, which are basically the types that require a pin (or snappi, which is a fastener) and then a cover. Some people love these, they just don't appeal to me.

One of the more popular choices, and my favorite, is pockets because you can stuff them according to amount of absorbency you need. Pockets have a soft inside, a waterproof outside, and room between the two layers for stuffing.

From left to right, there's a Bum Genius, a Wonderworks Wonderoo, and a Baby Kanga pocket. These are all one-size diapers, which means they adjust to fit babies between 8 and 35/40 pounds. I'll get to the adjustments later. I love pockets because I can stuff them however much I want. At night, I use a super soaker insert, which looks like this:

It tri-folds and it's made from hemp, which is super absorbent. Most pockets come with an insert that slides right in the pocket, but you can order extras (like my super soaker) or doublers, which allow for extra absorbency. I've barely had any leaks at all. If we're going out, I use a doubler or add a second insert, but at home, usually whatever the diaper came with is enough.

You can buy pockets in specific sizes (newborn, small, medium, large, XL) but I love the OS (one-size) so I don't have to replace my diapers every time Olivia grows. Here you can see the size variation in the Bum Genius:

Then, there are AIO's (all-in-one's) where the insert is attached. These are waterproof on the outside. These are great for convenience, like if someone who wasn't familiar with cloth needed to change your baby, but I can't adjust the amount of absorbancy when the liner is already sewn in. Again though, they're a bit easier since you don't have to take time to stuff them.

Here you can see the different between a diaper with a sewn in liner (on the left), and one with a pocket that must be stuffed (on the right):

Here are two pockets and one AIO:

From left to right: a large WAHM made pocket diaper (many work-at-home-moms make a living making these-- don't I wish?), an AIO (the liner snaps in) one-size Little Lambs diaper, and a petite Fuzzi Bunz pocket diaper. Fuzzi Bunz are a popular brand. I use these at night with a wool cover, but I only have a few of them because they only come in specific sizes.

The last type I use are fitteds with a cover. Fitteds are diapers that look similar to the others above, but they don't have a waterproof outer, so you'd need a cover. I guess the appeal of these is mixing and matching, and some people like to just put fitteds on their child without a cover when they're home to let the skin breathe a little. But obviously, you'd need a cover if you were going somewhere.

From left to right: a Wonderworks Wonderwrap (one-size fits all), a large Bummis whisper-wrap, and a large Bella Bottoms cover.

I have a few fitteds with covers. Even though I prefer pockets, one of my favorite diapers I own is this adorable pink sushi print. Doesn't this make you want to cloth diaper? :-)

I also love this one-size Organic velour Swaddlebees. It's soooo soft and one of the inserts can be used as a newborn diaper.

Here's is the Swaddlebees with a Bummis Whisper-wrap cover:

Washing them (and no, it's not as gross as you'd think):

Most of the questions I got were about caring for the diapers. Really, it's not that bad! I know there are those who swish them around in the toilet (yuck!) and take time to meticulously peel poop off of the diapers (double yuck), but you can cloth diaper and avoid all that yuckiness. First of all, you can avoid the poop mess altogether by using a cheap, disposable, biodegradable liner. You simply lay it inside the diaper before you put it on, and the whole thing can be flushed, poop and all! No mess! There are times I don't use a liner because I don't think she'll poop, and most of the time, since she eats solids, the poop can just be dumped in the toilet. With exclusively breastfed babies, you don't have to worry about anything. The poop washes right out! If for some reason your toddler's poop gets smeared and there's no liner (it has happened) then I use an old spatula to scrape the mess into the toilet, I wipe the spatula off with a wipe and the rest comes out in the wash. No biggie!

The diapers then go into a diaper pail. I have a big tupperware trashcan that I got for $5 at Wal-mart with a trash bag for a liner. They can stay in here for a few days and there are all kinds of deodorizing methods. I throw a load of diapers in before I go to bed. I don't like mine to sit.

Washing them is easy. If I didn't use liners to catch poop, I run a rinse cycle. Then I do a hot wash with a little bit of Dawn soap (yes, Dawn! As in the detergent for dishes-- works great! But there are others you can use). When that wash is done, I run a rinse cycle. Then, I hang them to dry and throw the inserts in the dryer. You can dry everything in the dryer, but they say the diapers last longer if you don't. I have a drying rack I use for jeans and stuff, and I hang the diapers on there too.

I use cloth wipes when changing my diapers. I SWORE I never would, but in the end, I've found them much easier to use. I kept leaving disposable wipes in my cloth diapers and washing them by accident and they'd dissolve on everything. It got annoying. So, I got some cloth wipes (you can order them on most diaper sites or you can have a WAHM make them like I did). I keep warm water in my wipes warmer and I dip the cloth wipes in to get them wet, use them, and throw them in the pail with the dipes to be washed. Easy! They actually clean better than the thin disposables and Olivia like the warm wipe. She tells me "hot" and smiles. :-)

Here's the little caddy I keep for changing diapers:

You can see my package of liners and my cloth wipes. Also, some castile soap which I will sometimes add to my warm water to really clean her butt. She's so prone to rashes that it's a more gently alternative to the harsher disposable wipes. Also, my handy dandy poop scraping spatulas for emergency situations when I forgot to use a liner (it's been washed with antibacterial soap!). Also, I've got some diaper rash cream from Northern Essence. I had to buy "special" cream safe for cloth (the other stuff stains) and I have found that this more natural cream works a million times better than any other cream I've used.

On the go:

Yes, I use cloth when we're out. I have what's called a wet bag for throwing dirty diapers in. It has a little piece of cloth for you to put a few drops of peppermint or tea tree oil to hide smells. Cool, huh?

I do not use cloth wipes when we're out. I have friends who do (they wet the cloths in advance and keep them in a bag) but I just worry I won't remember to wet some and I just use disposable wipes which I throw away after changing Olivia.

The cost:

All this may sound like I spent a ton of money, but I really didn't. $300 tops. That's a heck of a lot less that you'd spend on disposables in the first year, and I can use all these again. Then, I can sell them on Diaper Swappers and get back probably half what I paid in the first place.

At first, I thought it would all be so much work, but it isn't. I've fallen into a routine and I love the cuteness factor of cloth diapers, so it all works out. I wish I'd started sooner. Newborn fluff is so cute!

Well, I think that's everything. Feel free to ask any questions if I didn't address something you're curious about. :-)

Here's a bonus pic to show you more varieties:

top row: yellow large Dream-Eze AIO (left) and large Happy Heiny's cow print pocket diaper

bottom row from left to right: glass colored Haute Pocket one-size, red/green Little Lambs one-size AIO, grass Haute Pocket one-size, periwinkle Wonderworks pocket one-size

Olivia-isms

No matter what happens during the day, one thing's for sure. Olivia is going to make me laugh a hundred times. She says the funnies things. Just in the last few days:

When I pulled down her diaper to check it: "Wow! Poop! Poop! Wow!"

Today while I'm asking a store clerk a question: "Mama? Toots! (pointing to her diaper) Maaaaaama!!!??? Toots!!!"

I asked her what a duck says. She always says "cack, cack". Today she told me "Aflac" which is where James works now.

I may have mentioned before that Olivia asks for "boof" when she wants to nurse. Cracks us up. My friend was nursing her baby and Olivia went right up to her and touched her and excitedly exclaimed "boof!"

She is soooooo much fun! Seriously, I've NEVER had this much fun. I love to travel, read, experience ethnic food, wine, teas, etc and NOTHING comes close to getting to know this little girl more and more each day.

Fall and Olivia's Halloween Costume!

I love fall. It used to be my least favoite season as a kid. Fall meant the end of summer, which wasn't so hot back in Maryland so it was more enjoyable. Fall also meant going back to school, having to buy new clothes (I HATED trying on clothes as a kid). Fall was the bridge between my two favorite seasons and I couldn't wait for it to be over so we could have winter and play in the snow.

Well, now I live in unbearably hot Georgia where I'm eager to kiss summer goodbye! Winter doesn't really feel like winter so there isn't anything much special about it except for Chirstmas. I feel like since I reached adulthood, I've really started to love the fall. I love the relief it brings from the summer heat, but also, I love the smell of leaves, apples, ginger, and all things pumpkin.

I'm also excited because I just bought Olivia's Halloween costume! She's going to be a fairy. I initially had decided she'd be a lamb, but I think realistically she needs to be something that will still be apparent even without the hat which she undoubtedly will refuse to wear. So, a fairy it is.

Last year she was a pea in a pod, but that didn't go so well. She didn't like being so constricted in her little pod!

Any thoughts what your children will be for Halloween this year?

Telling it like it is

**After this, you're going to know way more about my bathroom habits that you ever needed to know, but you moms out there know exactly what I'm talking about!**

Lately, it feels like I've been stuck in a bit of a rut. I go through stages-- as I think all bloggers do-- when there's so much to say and you're on a roll and then other times you're in a slump. The truth is, Olivia is so much more work lately (gotta love those toddler years!) and at night, I'm just so tired and don't feel like writing. I've even been slacking on my night time prayers and my reading. Just. so. tired. *sigh*

I haven't been posting as many pics lately. I just haven't taken the time to transfer them and upload them, so I thought I'd catch up a bit.

but first--

I know I've mentioned this before, but really, do any of you moms get to go to the bathroom alone? I NEVER get to go alone if James is gone, and even when he's here, he never gives me any peace. A couple nights ago, I got caught sneaking my laptop into the bathroom just to get a few minutes online alone. When it's just me and Olivia home, going to the bathroom is a dreaded task. She pulls the toilet paper off (how do they get off so much so quickly?). She wants to help me wipe (she says "wipe peep" which is what we call her privates-- too cute!) and she won't stop trying to touch me so she can "help". She wants to sit on her little potty, which is great, except she wants me to put her on it, and I'm a bit busy. And it's not like I can put her on it before I sit down, because she wants to get up and sit back down continuously. And half the time she falls trying to get on and off. Then she wants to sit on my lap because she's has an "ooowww!"

This is the latest situation:

See all the candles? Two mins on the john and Olivia brought all these one by one, screaming at me if I didn't "smow" them immediately. My poor feet have suffered so much this week at the wrath of falling Yankee candles!

Really though, she's so much fun. She's obsessed with using forks lately and feeds herself pretty well.

Her hair is so curly now (like her Daddy's) and her eyes are still so blue. She gets so many compliments on her hair and eyes, neither of which are from me. Gotta love her shirt, and that cute cloth diaper!

I still have to post beach pictures, but like I said, it was so humid that our camera kept shutting itself off. Most of the pics are on James's cell phone, which I can't find right now and he's sleeping.

More pics to come!

No wonder I can't get anything done

Olivia has recently gone from being a high maintenance child to being the most high maintenance a child could get (aside from having a serious health issue or something). Those of you who also have high maintenance kids know what I'm talking about. Not all of us do. It makes me feel badly when moms at playgroups remark how much easier their kids are than mine. It happens a lot. Olivia is engergetic, very curious, but also, extremely clingy and all that makes for one tired mama!

Just this morning she has:

BROUGHT ME VARIOUS YANKEE CANDLES ABOUT 50 TIMES, YELLING "SMOW!" at the top of her lungs (smow=smell and is said like ou as in ouch). She even dropped one of my foot while I was trying to put my contacts in.

INSISTED ON FEEDING HERSELF WITH A GROWN-UP SPOON WHILE MAKING THE BIGGEST MESS EVER(I think this is pretty typical at this age). There is food all over my dining room, way beyond the protective mat under her high chair-- protective my big ass because this child chucks everything across the room! There is even food all in the leaves of the house plant. If I try to take the spoon, or re-position the bowl, or do ANYTHING that involves touching her in order to prevent the mess, she screams "OUCH! OUCH! I DO! I DO!"

DUMPED A HOUSE PLANT OVER. I thought I had it high enough up on something that she couldn't dump it. Guess I didn't realize just how tall she's gotten. BTW, I just remembered that I haven't even cleaned up the mess yet.

DUMPED ANOTHER HOUSE PLANT OVER. She's never been interested in this one, but in her effort to drive me completely insane, everything's fair game today. I am so stubborn. I hate having to get rid of my plants because I love them, but otherwise, I'm going to have constant messes.

SHE WON'T EAT ANY REAL FOOD unless she uses the spoon to feed herself (but most of it ends up everywhere but her mouth). She's been on a bit of a hunger strike lately and the only way she'll eat is if it's soup ("poop" as she calls it) and she can feed herself. We all know toddlers are not capable of feeding themselves soup without making a mess.

YET, SHE GOES TO THE FRIDGE A MILLION TIMES A DAY AND BANGS ON IT usually wanting cheese. She'll eat some of it, but I've found that she mostly begs for food to feed to the dogs.

HUNG ON TO MY PANTS LEG preventing me from walking, but she doesn't want to be held.

Why do some people have kids who sit an play quietly by themselves? Do you? I already know some of you don't and know exactly what I'm talking about! :-) Is it all based on personality?

Ok, gotta run. Another candle awaits me. Olivia is pulling my pants leg and screaming "smow". Now I feel guilty for taking 10 mins to blog, but I had to.

Thank goodness this child is so loving an sweet because today I have zero patience. James has been sick and has kept me up the last few nights with his snoring and coughing (poor baby) :-( and everything just feels overwhleming when you're super tired.

You know you're a co-sleeping family when...

your daughter walks by Daddy's office and points yelling "dada" and then you ask her to point out her room and she walks right by her nursery and goes in your room and points to the bed.

I once saw a onesie that said, "I let my parents sleep in my bed." Yep, that about sums it up.

I know at some point we'll have to move her to her own room, but at this point, I just assume wait a bit longer until she understands. Until then, I'll enjoy cuddling with my daughter while she's young enough to still want to. :-)

Need parenting advice!

We seem to already be experiencing the terrible two's. Can this happen to a 16 month old?

Yesterday I had to put Olivia in "time-out" for misbehaving. She keeps knocking over our DVD tower, scraping the wall (which now has ugly marks). I really should've just moved the damn thing, but I'm stubborn and I like it where it is, although it's been moved to safety now. She did it several times, right in front of my face, so I made her sit in the corner for a minute and explained to her that she was being punished.

My mom said she's too young to be punished, I worried the same thing, but she has a great vocabulary and I really think she got it. Well, today confirmed that she did.

This afternoon, she went and pushed over the DVD tower. I told her "NO!" in my sternest voice and told her if she did it again she'd go to time out. Well, she went right over to the tower. I told her again what would happen. She just looked at me, pushed it over, and then went and sat in the corner all by herself, pointing her finger and yelling "No! No!" at herself.

I really believe she was mocking me. She remembered about the time out and knew where to go, even though we'd only done it once. Now what do I do? I moved the DVD tower, but I know she'll find something else to do that she shouldn't. How do I punish her? She seemed unaffected by the time out.

At least she's started saying please. "Pweese mama, cheese?" "Juice, pweese? Pweese?" "Gwapes!!! GWAAAAAPE! Pwwese!" How can I say no when she she's so polite? If only she wasn't so sassy!

Baby Einstein?!?

I haven't blogged about Olivia as much lately (the horror!), so it's time to catch up a bit.

She's at that stage where her vocabulary has exploded. She's like a little sponge! Just this morning, she brought me my chapstick (which I usually keep hidden to keep her from eating it) and she said, "meh-meh (this is what she calls me), shash-tish (chapstick), peeeze? peeze?" So of course, how could I say no? She's using her "polite" words. She says "thank you" too!

And then when we got in the car to go to playgroup at the museum (I hosted it today), she pulled at her straps and whined, "tight! tight!" I didn't even know she knew this word, except that I'll tell James, "you're making it too tight!" That's the problem with these cloth diapers. They are puffy and I've had to adjust all her straps differently. Still, I was excited that she could communicate her discomfort. She's been putting her hands in her mouth and telling me "owwww" too (more teething). I'm so glad to know these things. My mom thinks it's time I potty train her since she also tells me when she poops. She's been holding herself and telling me "tee-tee" but I'm finding that it's usually too late by the time she's told me.

But this takes the cake. This is the unusual one. I'm not even sure what to think of this. Either my child is a freaking genius or this is a huge coincidence. Yet, she's done it a few times. She has doodler thingy that we use to draw pictures all the time. I usually draw a duck and ask her what it is. Lately, we've played this game: I'll tell her what to draw (things she knows), and she scribbles, hands it to me, and claps for herself. There has never been any real resemblence, but I wouldn't expect there to be. She's 15 months. Well, the other day, she handed this to me and said "duck" and clapped. This is what she drew:

I thought there wasn't any way she could be coordinated enough to make a dot for an eye (like I make mine), but then I erased it and asked her to do it again, and the next drawing resembled this one fairly well, and it had an eye. Is it possible? I'd say no, except that she did it 3 times. I'll try to take pictures the next time. She hasn't wanted to draw lately. In fact, all she's done is whine and yell for the last week because of those evil eye teeth! She didn't play with ANY of the kids at playgroup today.

I don't want to brag-- that's totally not the intention here-- but my husband is seriously a genius. He's highly gifted, I won't lie. Almost freakishly so. Sometimes I think he's not completely with the rest of us, and by that, I don't mean that we're not smart, just that he seems like he's in his own world. He's always thinking about things, analizing, and calculating. Quite frankly, it drives me nuts sometimes and we argue over it, but we also laugh about it. :-) I have wondered if the SEVERE epilepsy he had as a child somehow did something to his brain, opened it up somehow, like in "Phenomenon". :-) I want Olivia to be smart, but I don't want her to be one of those freaky genius kids playing chess on TV. I want her to be normal!!! Like me! :-) j/k My husband probably would not have interested me in high school. He was in a different group from me (isn't it all so stupid now?), but by the time I met him, I had grown up. I was fascinated by how smart he was and I found it attractive even. I even found the fact that he wore glasses to be sexy. HAHA! I'm such a dork now. :-) Anyway, sometimes I think Olivia is going to be just like James, and maybe already is.

Anyway, I'm loving cloth! I've been getting so much fluffy mail lately. I look forward to the mail coming every day. Is that sad or what?

Just look how cute!!!

If anyone is interested in using cloth (you're probably thinking NO WAY!), I love it and I've developed a routine/system that's made it easier. I even use cloth at night without leaks. James wasn't on board at first and didn't want the hassle of switching, or for me to spend lots of money, but now he loves it!

More Oilvia pics:

my unhappy girl-- this has been a common look over the last couple weeks. :-(

Her favorite thing: messing with mommy's computer. Oh, and she LOVEs that little chair in the background!

Off to Super Wally World to grocery shop (I hate WM, but it's so much cheaper). I might even pick up some ovulation predictors, just to make sure I am in fact ovulating, just in case we might need to know soon. *wink*

Does anyone else use cloth?

I am new to the world of cloth diapering and let me tell you, it's downright addicting. I can't really say why, but I have spent so much time on Diaper Swappers lately that I think James may file for divorce any day now. I need to prepare myself for a breakdown when my credit card statement comes in.

Most of what I ordered hasn't come in yet (I'll be in mail heaven over the next week or so) and tonight when I made an organized list of my purchases (I am such a list-maker), I was horrified at how much I bought. I wasn't keeping track. I've bought one of every color, every style, extra liners, covers, you name it!

My reasons for switching over are various. First of all, there's the whole natural aspect to it that I tend to graviate towards these days. I'll admit it, I'm becoming a crunchy mama. I like that I'm not contributing to landfill waste (and b/c we have city water, most of it will be recycled after washing all these diapers). Also, I can use them on another baby, saving us money in the long run, just not this month. Or the next. Olivia has really sensitive skin and has been getting rashes because it's so hot here and the chemicals in the diapers combined with urine just isn't good. And then the girly factor. They are cute cute cute! It's like another accesory! Hey, I have to make up for the fact that this kid won't let me put ANYTHING in her beautiful blond curls. No bows, head-bands, nada.

My pediatrician was impressed with Olivia's cloth, and with the fact that I'm still nursing. She had her check-up yesterday. She's 21 lbs, 12 ounces (25th percentile) and 31 inches (50th). He also said how advanced she is. He asked me if she could say 5 words. I wasn't going to brag, but my mom piped up that we counted 75 the other day off the top of our heads (words that she uses regularly). She's even started to put short sentences together. Hey, family reads this blog. I can brag. :-) She takes after her daddy. James says that I'm smart too (I was in gifted classes), but I had to work at it. James is naturally a genius and much smarter than me. I don't mind admitting it. :-) I made a C in college, and several B's. The horror! James has never had a C in his life. Or a B. Ass-kisser. :-)

Anyway, my husband is tired of hearing about Bum Genius and Fuzzi Bunz and hemp liners. Anyone else wanna talk cloth? Or talk about how I've lost my damn mind?

BTW, I'm not giving up my disposables completely. I'll use them for travel. I'm not going to put a whole pile of crap diapers into someone else's washer. And I'm using disposables at night until I am confident I've mastered cloth and I know she won't leak. Sometimes they just are easier. Right now cloth seems overwhelming, but I hope I'll settle into a routine. If I change my mind, which I hope I won't, I can sell them on Diaper Swappers for a decent price and then I can go get my head examined.

I'll be sure to post pics of Olivia in her cloth as they arrive. I love how puffy her butt looks. I actually saw a shirt today at Babies R Us that said "does this diaper make my butt look big?" but there was something wrong to me about having the word "butt" on my innocent baby's shirt. Really though, she has a total bubble butt. Hey! Like mother like daughter!

And you're going to totally laugh at this. I ordered some washable pee-catcher pads (for my incontinence issues) that I can launder with the diapers. The cost of those Poise thingies is adding up! I told James how proud I was that I was going to save money on pee pads. Had to make him think I'm still semi-responsible before that credit card statement comes. Oh, I'm so bad!

Because I can't think about anything else right now (TMI to follow)

Ok, so the doctor said no bladder surgery until after I'm done having babies. That could be several years. We know we want to try to #2 before the new year, but I could see us trying for a 3rd within a few years after that if we decide to have 3. I think at this point it depends on our financial situation at the time. Anyway, I can't wait that long, but I hate to have a surgery that will be undone with another birth. That's just crazy.

However, I was so busy last night at the book club making pot after pot of coffee (note to self: buy a carafe) and serving dessert (I decided on peach cobbler because my parents happened to bring me some peaches so it made good sense) that I didn't stop to go to the BR. I was also in charge of leading the discussion. Then one of my candles burned part of my wall, and I had to deal with that. Luckily, enough of the black came off that you wouldn't really notice. Needless to say, I was busy. It didn't feel like I really had to go that much, but when the night ended and I went to change clothes, my Poise pad was SOAKED. I can't do this for years. I'm peeing right and left. It isn't just an, "oops! I sneezed and out came a few dribbles." It's much worse. What will I do when I'm pregnant? I guess then I might be a little less embarrassed because it's pretty much a cliche that women have trouble holding it, but I'm not even pregnant, and I'm a leaky faucet. I woke up this morning, and as soon as I sat up, WHOOSH! This is awful!

I don't want to have surgery more than once, but might it be worth it not to be peeing my pants all the time? What would you do? Have surgery and risk having it again, or just stay padded and deal with it? If you really think about it, just dealing with it is easier said than done. It's a big incovenience. We 're planning a possible beach trip and I've already thought about what to do when I'm in my baithing suit and don't want to wear a bulky pad. I'm *so* frustrated!

Books and Boobs

Am feeling v. happy!

There's a house for sale in our neighborhood, so I called the number on the sign and pretended to be in the market for a new home so I could find out the asking price. I was thrilled to learn that we've aquired some equity! Now if I could only pay off the new heater and air conditioner we put in so I can actually keep the equity when we sell our house. We've been thinking about moving lately. Just thinking. And talking. Not planning. We want another child, but I know I'd like to enjoy having more money each month (less cooking for me!) and I'd hate to have a bigger mortgage. Hmmm... something to think about. And moving is such a pain. I'm getting anxious just thinking about it. :-)

My aunt and uncle are visiting us this week. They last saw Olivia when she was 7 months old, so she's a completely different baby now. Walking and talking, and she's been giving them hugs and kisses. I like that she doesn't give open-mouthed kisses like so many babies. She gives nice, dry normal smooches and I love them. I'll often pretend to cry just to get a smile and a kiss (she knows I'm kidding).

I am impatiently waiting for Harry Potter to arrive. Am@zon hasn't even sent it out yet. I may have to attack someone with a hack saw. I WANT MY HARRY POTTER BOOK AND I WANT IT NOW! I am DYING to find out how it all ends. I just hope this one is better than the last. I wasn't that impresses with the last one. In the meantime, I've found the cutest series: the "No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency". I'm only on the first in the series, but I'm already hooked. It's about a woman in Botswana who opens her own detective agency with the money from the sale of her father's cattle after his death. I like that it's in Africa because the cultural info is interesting.
I like that it has words like lekker and biltong. Good old South African words (I am so totaly obsessed). I love reading words spelled in the Bristish fashion. Words like "organised" and "neighbour". Very cool. It doesn't read like a typical mystery. It's a lot lighter, perfect for tired Mamas like me who can barely focus on a book by the time their stubborn baby is asleep.

I also ordered Olivia a book called, "Breastmilk Makes My Tummy Yummy" to which James asked, "Isn't that a bit weird?" My repsonse? A very mean look and "Absolutely not!" I think it's great! Breastfeeding is awesome and amazing and this book is the cutest. It even has a picture of a baby nursing from a "boof" on the front. She may not understand the book now, but someday, when I nurse her brother or sister, we can read the book together and she'll understand how special it is.

Speaking of BF, I was at a breastfeeding moms' playgroup yesterday, and I learned of a campaign called ban the bag. It's interesting. Check it out. I have mixed feelings. If you are formula feeding, it's very helpful I suppose, but it might sway some people toward bottles who are undecided. I know how much I wanted to nurse, but when I couldn't get Olivia to latch on, the bag, with all its samples, started to look good, but I resisted the urge. In that sense, they were a bad influence, yet I was glad to have samples. I gave them to my friend and she was grateful. I think we need to be pro-breast but not anti-formula either. Some people need to formula-feed and some want to and will regardless of what you tell them, so why not give them something free to feed their baby? Just thinking out loud (you know what I mean). I like to talk about BF with these ladies, but I think the judgement is wrong. They can be pleased with their choice, and be passionate about it, without ridiculing others. That really bothers me.

Now for a completely off topic question. Seen any good movies lately? My Netfl!x queue is seriously lacking.

What are those doing in my cart?

Each time I go grocery shopping and have to buy more of these, I try to hide them under the other stuff on my cart because I don't anyone to see them. When I check out, I'm always conscious of what the check out person might be thinking. A 26 year old girl buying incontinence pads. Maybe I'm not alone? Please tell me I'm not.

Ever since having Olivia, I've had a little trouble with bladder control. No biggie. It happened so seldom that I never thought much of it, but now it's become a much bigger problem. I went to see my OBGYN last week, and he examined me and said he thinks the tissue that tightens to close my urethra is torn or at least has been pulled pretty loose, which means I have a bit of a dribbling problem. It's a result of my very large baby coming out my hoo-hoo and somehow in the process, something was torn. I need surgery to fix it (it's easy to fix) but the doctor thinks I should wait until I'm done having babies because it could very well happen again.

In the meantime, I need some protection in the way of pads to catch any dribbling. It's not caused by coughing or sneezing. It just kind of makes its way out at random moments. The OBGYN warned that I may have some major incontinence issues during my next pregnancy, so please, don't say anything funny! I'm a little scared because I don't want to embarrass myself. It seems like all the crazy things happen to me.

I've heard that this isn't that uncommon, but I can't say I know anyone else who has this. But it's not like you'd go around telling everyone either. I'm just trying to keep in mind that this can be fixed at some point, and until then, I'll just need back-up!

As long as I'm not needing to share pull-ups with my daughter, I should be in good shape.

Yeah, I think I will!

The other day I was stocking up on Organic baby food because, yes, my daughter doesn't eat enough table food no matter what I do, and I love how healthy the stage 3 chunky organics are. Anyway, I was putting some stage 3 soups into my cart when these two women came up behind me.

Lady 1: "Look at that crap! Organic?"

Lady 2: "Oh yeah, girl, they make everything organic these days, even rice cereal."

Lady 1: "Who would buy that?" (as I put more into my cart two feet from them)

Lady 2: "Well, people obviously are" (duh, because I am buying it right in front of their faces!)

Lady 1: "Well, she can have it."

Yes, thank you, I think I will. While I have nothing against non-Organic-babyfood-buying, because I don't buy everything Organic, how could you fault someone and be rude to them for buying something healthier? It pisses me off how judgemental people are about extended breastfeeding and buying Organic (within reason) and buying healthy food. I'm doing something GOOD for my family and the environment! Why all the judgement? If I'm not judging them for doing something less healthy, why on earth would they judge me?

I believe that modern technology is ruining us: pesticides, preservatives, processed foods... these things lead to obesity and diabetes. That's why our culture is so over weight (and I know I need to lose a few pounds myself, but sadly, some of my booty comes from my biological dad's side. I'm lucky I'm not bigger!) Anyway, healthy foods lead to a healthy person.

So, yes, I will take all the healthy food I can and feel better for it.

Sooooo funny!

I think I've created a monster. I really should be more lady-like. LOL!

My 15 month old daughter just ripped a big one and proudly announced, "haha! toots!" and then did it again a few minutes later.

Picky, picky!

Please tell me your toddler is as picky an eater as mine. There are many things she likes, but she doesn't like them everyday, so it's a guessing game at every meal. One day she's screaming for a banana, and then the next day she throws it and yells "No no no!" I gave away all her fruit puffs because she refused them, and then at the museum the other day, she ate most of Robbie's (MF's baby) and screamed when I told her she'd had enough. Last night she screamed for a "rah" (roll), took one bite and fed it to the dog.

She's not very good about eating table food. She loves playing with it, throwing it, and feeding it to the dogs, but she rarely eats enough to call it a meal. I'm still buying baby food. Thank God for Earth's Best stage 3 soups and chunky blends, although she often spits out the veggie chunks, which means feeding her pureed veggies topped with sprinkled cheese. Anything with "sheez" (as Olivia calls) is good. She hates the Gerber Toddler meals, although I did manage to get her to eat half of her Beechnut Toddler spaghetti because I hid it in her yogurt. Disgusting, I know, but it's the only way she'll eat some things. I paid dearly for tricking her, believe me. When she discovered a few noodle O's hiding under a blob of yogurt, she spit the whole thing all over my face. I guess I learned my lesson.

I don't mind her eating baby food. It's heathly, and I make sure she gets all her food groups. She eats enough other stuff to balance it out (cheese, lunchmeat, bananas, melon, grapes, strawberries, crackers, oatmeal, and the occasional cheerio). But the list is somewhat limited. I watch in awe as other babies Olivia's age eat what you and I do (which isn't always good) and there sits my baby eating a jar of pureed peas.

I'm wondering, what tricks do/did you use to get your toddler to eat "real" food?

At what age did you stop buying baby food (or making your own purees as I still often have to do)?

I Am Not Meant to Blog

I sent everyone an e-mail who contacted me. If you didn't get an e-mail, let me know. Thanks for your interest and support. I didn't even know that many people were reading. So many lurkers! Some of you are still lurking on my private blog. I guess it's human nature to be nosy. I know I am. Leave a comment! Say hello! It's only fair since you know a secret about my nether regions. :)

I took Olivia to play this morning at Monkey Joes's with my moms' group. I seriously think my moms' group is out of control. There are WAY too many people. Have you ever heard of a group with 200 members? Not to mention all their kids??? We have some subdivided activities, but we still have a lot of whole-group activities, which I don't even enjoy because there are too many people. It's clique-ish and crowded.

Pooh! Gotta stop there. I seriously didn't look up for TWO minutes to write the above, and in that time...

...Olivia knocked over a houseplant and wiped dirt all over herself.

...Wrigley peed a puddle on the floor! After nearly five years he still won't wait by the freaking door. He pees when he feels lonely or neglected.

...Olivia had a poop so smelly that her clothes smell like poop even though there was nothing on them.

TWO minutes! I guess I learned that I can't take my eyes off her (or the dog) for a second. Can you believe these moms in my group who literally do not look up at their kids for an hour at a time? There were 18 month olds running around by themselves at Monkey Joes. My mom came with me today and was SHOCKED!

We've got a walker!

Guess who finally decided around 6:00 pm on Friday that they didn't want to crawl anymore? Yay! Now the real fun begins. Size 2 here I come! :) I'm already chasing her all over creation!

P.S. I will be sending out an e-mail shortly to those of you who expressed interest in my other blog. BTW, I won't be blogging for Real Savvy Moms anymore. They owe me money. :( I'll only be maintaining this one and my private blog (on occasion). I'm already a little nervous about writing about something so personal, but I did and it's done. If you want to register (and you are a girl), leave a comment here.

It shouldn't matter what anyone thinks... but it does

I'm what you could call a reluctant lactivist. I am passionate about breastfeeding and its benefits, but I'm not pushy about it like some women are. I don't feel the need to preach about it all the time. It really is a personal decision, even though I believe it's the best way to go if you are able.

I used to be proud to share that I nurse, and while I guess I still am, I'm not as forthcoming about it as I was before Olivia turned a year old. I think the general thinking of most people is that you stop around a year, if you even nursed at all to begin with. Because Olivia doesn't nurse as often, I don't do it as much around other people, so there are many friends and family who probably don't know I still do. And it's not like I wouldn't tell them if they asked, I just don't advertise it because I feel like I have to follow up with an explanation when I admit that, yes, I'm still nursing.

It's not even like I think 13 months is very old. It isn't at all! I wish I didn't feel the need to justify my choice with things like, "the doctor encouraged me to continue" and "there are many continued health benefits" or "it helps allergies". Blah blah blah. I could probably talk until I'm blue in the face and it would still seem weird to some people. It's too bad, really. Our society doesn't support nursing like it should.

I know there are people close to me who think it's a bit odd, like my mother-in-law. She's awesome and we get along really well, but I know she thinks it's weird. She encouraged me to give Olivia milk when she was here in November. Afterall, she gave her kids whole milk around 6 months, and so did my mom because that's what doctors said back then. I explained that I wanted to nurse a full year, but I could tell she thought it was a little strange. Although to her credit, I don't even know if strange is the right word. Maybe unnessecary is a better word. She didn't think I needed to nurse that long.

So the other night, James was telling her a few things to buy for Olivia to have when we go there in a week. He told her to buy whole milk because Olivia does drink maybe 4 ounces a day (that might be a stretch-- it's more for things like making mashed potatoes). Anyway, she said something about Olivia now being on whole milk, and James told her that I also nurse Olivia. She said, "I would've weaned her immediately at a year. It's time to stop." But she wasn't as abrupt as it may sound, but I know she thought it was weird. Then James said something about, "well, she hardly nurses at all anymore. Just at night" which isn't even true. She nurses 4-5 times in a 24 hour period. Not too often, but more than just at night.

There are 2 ways to play this during the trip. I could 1) not mention it and do it in private while not sticking up for my choice (and supporting breastfeeding women everywhere), or 2) tell them, explain my decision, and try to convince them I'm right so they aren't judging me.

James doesn't think it's important to tell them, but I don't want to hide either. I'm not ashamed, but I'm not so proud as to cause an akward situation either. Sometimes I wish I was more of a lactivist, not an obnoxious one, just someone who avidly supports breastfeeding and tries to educate people about its benefits. There are many wonderful reasons to nurse past a year, besides the fact that your child isn't weaning very well. Frankly, I haven't even tried.

I hate that people look at extended breastfeeders as weirdos. I'm not weird. I have a very healthy, happy child whose never even had an ear infection (although I know many breastfed babies who have, so I'm not saying it's because I nurse-- I think Olivia has just been lucky).

I could go overboard and order pro-breastfeeding attire for all! :-)

for me:

for Olivia (it says "nursling"):

and maybe even something for James!

But seriously, I'm just not sure how to act. Do I hide it? Do I come right out and defend it? How do I handle James who'd probably rather I pretended I didn't nurse for the week. He supports nursing, but he's rather quiet and really doesn't care who else supports it.

I just hate that I'm in this position. I wish the automatic response when hearing a 13 month old is nursing could be "good for you!" rather than, "really? WHY?"

The American Academy of Pediatrics says this: "Breastfeeding should be continued for AT LEAST the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child."

I hate conroversey! I hate that it's so hard for me to defend myself and say what I really think aside from on this stupid blog!

**Just to clarify, I would NEVER buy any offensive clothes promoting breastfeeding. While I think it's important, many of them seem a bit obnoxious and pushy. I was just joking. :)**

Mole

Two entries in one day? Well, after my depressing last entry, I had to make it a bit more upbeat. Also, this is too cute and I'm worried I'll forget to share it because I'm brain dead these days. Afterall, I have a kid who just cut two molars. Wait, I forgot to tell you that! Well now you know. Needless to say, we haven't been getting much sleep.

Olivia has her first mole. It's a tiny one on her knee. I made such a big deal over how cute it is, that she keeps pointing to it and saying, "mo". She's also had a good time finding little freckles and moles on us. The kid's obsessed. She's been showing everyone we meet her little mole. I love this age. Every little thing is so exciting!

Now go down and read my last entry. What do I do about my friend?

News Flash!

Guess who took her first few unasssited steps last night? :-)

I don't think she'll be taking off on her own quite yet, but we are so proud she's starting to try! :-)

Could I be any luckier?

Today, on the second Mother's Day, I am feeling so lucky. I am so proud of the little family James and I have created. Today was such a special day: dinner at Carraba's, two lovely cards that made me cry, presents, and two trips to Starbucks. Yes, that's how spioled I am. James took me to Starbucks two different times today! Once in the morning and once this evening.

We didn't go to church this morning because I've had a nasty cold and didn't get much sleep last night. So we enjoyed a lazy morning of pancakes and playing.

Olivia was such a good helper this morning. She gathered dirty clothes off the floor, opened the hall closet, and pulled herself up on her tiptoes so she could put the clothes in the hamper. She left the socks though so she could try them all on, but when she couldn't get them on her feet, she decided to put them in the hamper as well. She also has started blowing on her food like she sees us do when it's hot. She picks up something, blows on it, and then pops it in her mouth! She imitates everything we do. She brings me so much joy. She makes me laugh, cry, and want to thank God constantly for this blessing. I love being a Mommy! WEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Here she is trying to clip her own toenails:

trying to drink from a water bottle like us:

Trying to put on socks (pardon the quality, I snapped this while I was in camcorder mode):

baby must-haves

I posted a list of my current favorite things to use for Olivia. Come on over and take a look. Then, you can share yours!

It's Party Time!

We had Olivia's birthday party on Saturday. It was small-- we only invited family and our closest friends, which is just the way we wanted it for her first party. She was so tired by the end of it anyway. She was pretty fussy towards the end, and before everyone was even out the door, she was snoring on my shoulder. If only it were always so easy!

The food was yummy, if I don't say so myself. I put most of it together on Friday night: ranch pinwheels, a veggie tray, fruit tray with vanilla yogurt dip, spinach dip, and my grandma made deviled eggs. Then, on Saturday, I made peach mango punch and James picked up the cake.

Notice her sleeping in the last pic in the corner? She was so tired! The sweetie on the bottom is MF's son Robbie. He was sitting in Olivia's carseat to eat his cake since we only had one highchair here. :-)

I think my favorite pictures that day were the ones I took of my little sleepyhead waking up at 11:00 am the day of her party! Then, because she woke up so late, she didn't nap at all and was so tired by the end of the party. Those who read my regularly know we co-sleep, so here she is waking up.

The she decided she was too tired to sit up.

I decided to take another when she started to really wake up because I couldn't stand the cuteness! She was tired, but so happy, as if she knew we were having a party just for her.

I think the flash was bothering her, so she let me know she'd had enough!

You've gotta love the hair in that last one!

Oh, and she has learned to put up one finger when we ask her how old she is. We worked on it one afternoon and she got it! The other night at dinner, her Uncle Ben and Uncle Joey asked her how old she was and she held up one finger! Clever girl! And she's done it several more times! So cute!

Olivia has been so happy with her new toys. I don't really think she got that all this was for her, but it filled my heart with joy to see her so excited over her new toys, and over eating her cake. She wasn't too sure about the cupcake on her actual bithday, but she made short work of her cake at the party!

More food pics:

The smaller cake was the personal cake that came free when we ordered her bigger "Little Mermaid" cake. The babies shared that one. The other pictures are of the ranch pinwheels (so good if you ever need a part food idea!), and the fruit tray, before my mom dumped the dip into a crystal bowl to make it fancier! :-) The other pic is the deviled eggs and veggies. We kept it simple, but it turned out very nicely.

Ok, off to bed. It's v. late!

Happy Birthday my precious girl!

Whew! I intended to write this birthday entry much earlier, but Olivia has been wired from all the excitement tonight! She fussed all through opening gifts because she didn't get a good nap today, came alive for a bit while smashing her cupcake in her face, and then took a brief nap and somehow ended up with a big second wind which had her playing with all her new toys until 11:00