Teatopia

Back from the midwife

I just got back from seeing my midwife, having lunch, and walking around Target.

Here are the current stats: now right at 5 centimeters, 80% effaced, cervix very soft but still posterior. I lost a pound though, which I know can be a sign of impending labor. Of course, I've had many signs that so far haven't meant a whole lot.

She couldn't easily strip my membranes because of the posterior cervix, so if nothing happens on it's own, she's going to do it tomorrow. She said it'll be very uncomfortable because it's hard to reach, but I'm so far dilated and soft that she's scared if my water were to break and drop the baby's head down, I might end up with an unplanned homebirth! She gave me the option of going to the hospital and having some pitocin, but we agreed not to, and she didn't seem all for it either. There's no reason to push it too hard except for the fact that she doesn't want me to dilate anymore unless I'm actually in labor.

I'm trying to walk as much as I can in the hopes that all the BH will bring my cervix around and/or cause baby's head to put some pressure on my cervix. That's all it would take to get this labor going.

So, here's the plan. I'm going back in the morning to have my membranes stripped. She didn't do it today for a couple reasons: 1) My MW isn't on call tonight (but will come in IF I go into labor on my own) 2) She's hoping all the walking today will bring my cervix closer and make it easier to get to the membranes tomorrow so it'll be less painful.
I guess that's really not much news, is it?

My sources say no . . .

While walking through the mall did nothing to put me into labor, I did buy Olivia an incredibly cute pair of flip flops from Gymobree.

We also dropped off my necklace to have a June birthstone added. The stone for June is the pearl, but since it really isn't a stone, the alternative is something called Alexandrite, which I'd never heard of. We went for the lab created one because apparently, real Alexandrite is only mined in Russia and costs a gazillion times more than a diamond. It would be something like $2000 for a tiny stone no more than 3 milimeters in diameter. The lab created shouldn't be more than $150 or so.

I'm off to do some research on how to fold a prefold diaper. I ordered some super cute embellished ones and I don't really know how to put one on. I'm going to practice on some dolls and stuffed animals so when little man arrives, I'm all set!

Today would be a good day to go into labor.

I think it's time for some new material. I could have these updates forever. I need to post some pictures about things I'm cooking, or baby stuff we're buying. Anything else, so I want to share that I made bacon cheeseburger Quesadillas last night. Just wanted to say something unrelated to pregnancy. But for now . . .

I am now a loose 4.5 centimeters dilated, and can be stretched to 5.5! How do I know that on the weekend? I had my sister check me! She's a labor & delivery nurse-- part of my delivery team in fact whenever I actually do go into labor, so she checked me last night after we finished moving some stuff. She works often with my widwife, so I figured, why not take advantage of a valuable resource and find out my progress! My real-life friend Sara commented that she thought that would be weird having my sister down there, but my sister and I are so close, and I figure she's about to see it all anyway. :-) One thing making me think baby boy might not be as close to coming as I thought is that baby boy is not very engaged (only at -2 station). He's come down a bit, but he's not wedged down in the birth canal. He was a little bit before, but if you touch his head and push, he is able to float up a little and then comes back down, so he's not really stuck down in there yet. He's been down there enough though to have dilated, effaced, an softened me so much, but it's not a constant pressure. If he'd get down in there and stay, my cervix would probably keep opening and I'd go into good labor. People certainly go into labor without the baby being fully engaged, I'm just not as shocked now that I know ALL the ducks aren't in a row. I need to keep walking and work that gravity!

We didn't go to church this morning. I slept really late. We've actually been trying a new church on Saturday nights with Sara, her hubby Mark, and their two kids (their 2 year old son is Olivia's best friend) and they have a newborn baby boy. Sara is my co-organizer for my mom's group. We're liking the new church so far. I think I've been moved to tears every time we've been, and not just because I'm pregnant. The minister is fabulous. Anyway, we're headed to the mall. James wants to add another stone to my mother's necklace since we now know it'll be a June baby and not a May one. If we drop the necklace off now, it might be ready by the time baby comes, or even way before at this point.

Remember, no news is not necessarily good news. I'll try to update this evening, but if I don't, it doesn't mean I'm in labor. In fact, it probably doesn't. :-) I actually planned a week ago to cook a big family dinner tonight, thinking it wasn't likely I'd even be able to, so I'll be doing that, but I really will *try* to update. Off to thaw some meat!

James keeps reminding me, we've put this in God's hands and we must wait for His time.

Not yet

Had some strong BH contractions last night, but they lessened in intensity when I changed positions.

We're off to help my sister move today, and then we're going for a looooong walk!

Still no baby

Still no baby and nothing really to make me think he's coming any time soon. The BH continue, but they aren't that painful, they aren't regular, and they change when I move around.

It's not like I'm overdue or anything. In fact, I probably wouldn't be expecting anything at this point if my body wasn't so close. I am almost halfway dilated! And my cervix has the characterisitics of someone in active labor. My mucous plug is gone (didn't notice it come out, but it's gone). Basically, I'm so close that at some point, the BH alone are going to "put me over the edge." I'm so dilated that even these irregular ones should at some point be putting me past the point of no return so to speak and then things should pick up quickly.

The waiting is killing me. At this point, real labor seems so elusive that I can't quite imagine anything turning into anything.

I hope I'm wrong.

Good Morning

I was going to post something snarky like "Good Freaking Morning" to show you my disappointment at still being very pregnant here at home, but I guess there's no reason for bitterness. God has His time, I just hope we're on the same page here. :-) Today is my sister's birthday and I kind of didn't want my son to share her birthday. My family is so close, so inevitably it would be hard taking turns celebrating on the same day, and it would just be easier. I guess he could still easily come today, but we're going to one of those Japanese places tonight where they cook for you, and I really don't want to miss it.

Ideally, I'd really like to have him this weekend. James has a HUGE project due tomorrow at work, and I have a few things I still need to get done. I've been running around crazy everyday, but I tire easily and my feet get so swollen I can hardly walk, so I've been trying to only schedule a few things a day.

Still to do:

-- take package to post office
-- take bags of baby stuff we don't need to consignment
-- assemble co-sleeper bassinet which is due to arrive today
-- hang pictures in nursery (everything else is done!)
-- grocery shopping
-- pick up more "white chocolate" (yogurt covered raisins) from the healthfood store for my parents to use as treats when Olivia poops on the potty.
-- take dogs to vet for a shot (probably on the list for Friday)

Of course, none of these things HAVE to get done before he arrives, but I'd be happy if they did.

I forgot to include yesterday that baby boy is still head down, as he's been for a while, but that he also currently has his back on my left side, which is good. He tends to favor keeping his back and behind on my right, which makes it much more likely he'd come out face first. I hope I'll go into labor before he decides to move again. When people have back labor, that's usually why. They baby is face-up and pressing on their tail bone. I started with back labor with Olivia and I'd rather not experience it again.

As far as my labor being a breeze, I know my MW doesn't mean painless, but just quick. Besides, the fact I'm using the Bradley method and no drugs should make things progress faster anyway. The more you're up and moving, changing positions, and moving your hips, the faster the baby comes down and out. I've also been reading a lot lately about the theory that women who expect to feel pain or who are scared (as I was last time) tend to tense up more, which make sense. And the more tense your muscles are, the more it hurts. I feel more confident this time, and we're going to use massage and other relaxation tools to hopefully keep me looser and more relaxed. In some weird way, I'm excited. I feel ready to do this and I feel more involved this time around. I did my research. I'm getting to make some choices, but I'm also scared because I remember how it felt with Olivia and I'm not getting an epidural. I made it to 8 cm last time without one though, so I can do this!!!

I think emotionally I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that Olivia soon won't be my only child. It's been just the two of us all day for so long, and I feel really whistful about that. I know everyone says these feelings are normal, but it doesn't make them any easier. What does make me feel better though is that everyone seems to adjust ok. I know Olivia will love her baby brother and that we'll settle into a new routine. It's just a bit hard to comprehend right now.

Also, if you could please pray for us to agree to and and stick to a budget. The move was just so expensive and we've been trying to catch up. We've also been buying baby stuff, and I think in my guilt, I've been spending more on Olivia. Everytime I buy something for him, I get something for her. She needed more clothes, but I've bought way too many toys and things. Oh, and the gas prices aren't helping. I drive downtown all the time for appointments, and between the two of us, James and I are spending close to $450 on gas alone each month. James wants to buy a scooter to get to work, but that's a whole other topic. :-) I laugh everytime I picture it! It is sensible though.

Well, I'm off to get some errands done!

No baby yet, but I sure am progressing!

At my appointment today, I was a little over 4 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and my cervix was very soft and mushy like someone who is in active labor. It won't be long. The midwife said that if I have any kind of contractions that get even 6 minutes apart, go to the hospital because she thinks it'll go very quickly. I've been having lots of BH tonight, but nothing making me think I need to leave. She thinks I'm in the beginning stages, but that it's just happening somewhat gradually. When it really kicks in, she thinks it'll be a breeze!

Today's Appointment... please stay put little man!

Well, today's appointment was interesting. I had lab work done and then a non-stress test (NST) before seeing my midwife. The NST was interesting. I've never had any BH contractions the past 2 times I've had the test, but today, I watched as over and over again as contractions showed up, and I could feel the tightening in my belly. I'm sure I've been having some and didn't know that's what they were until today, but I also know I've had more today then I was having, if I was having them at all. I've been having strong tightening all afternoon, and it's freaking me out a bit. My midwife said as long as they are high up and not menstrual-like down below, I shouldn't worry, but the tightening is getting lower and stronger.

My internal exam showed that I'm more than a centimeter dilated and 60% effaced. My midwife doesn't see me making it to 40 weeks with all the BH, but really doesn't want me going into labor until 38 weeks, but not past 39 because of the diabetes. I'm a bit worried the little guy will come really soon because I'm also at risk to deliver earlier since I am gestationally diabetic.

Please pray that he waits a couple more weeks. White male babies of gestationally diabetic mothers are most at risk when born early, even at 36 and 37 weeks.

Baby Finds

I felt a little sad dropping off James this morning. He called a little while ago from the plane to tell me they were about to take off. I could hear the flight attendent giving instructions about seat belts in the background. I know we'll be fine without him this week, but I already miss him like crazy. I think I feel more attached to him since I'm 8 months pregnant and more emotional than usual. There's also that little fear in the back of my head about giving birth while he's gone. This is my constant mantra: baby boy stay put! Baby boy, I don't want to see you this week. Wait for Daddy.

I was worried Olivia would be really sad because she's been especially attached to him lately. It may be because I can't pick her up like I used to, and I'm just generally somewhat more indisposed lately because I'm so freaking sore. That's not to say though that James isn't an awesome Daddy and Olivia shouldn't be nuts about him anyway. :-) They have special bath time every night, and when he gets her out of the tub, she puts her wet hair all over his shoulder, squezes him tight, and says, "this is my favorite!" I know she's going to be sad this week, but for now, she's more excited that Daddy is riding on an airplane right now. She of course doesn't remember the few times she's been on one. It's been a year since the last time.

I'm going to spend some time this week shopping for baby boy. My friend Sara (my co-organizer of the mom's group) is throwing us a small shower. I wasn't expecting it, but I'm really excited and thankful. I wasn't sure how it works the second time around, but since we're having a boy, we need lots of new things and money has been tight since the move. I'll be sure to post pictures of it. I also received a few sweet gifts from some of you, which I will also post pictures of. :-)

Here are some things I've already gotten or plan to buy:

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and using the BPA free bottles. Better to be safe than sorry and it's an easy change to make. Besides, I won't be pumping all that often, so I won't need too many of these expensive babies. My sweet sister bought me this:

I might order a few more of this brand just because they are so cute!

I've already bought Olivia a couple of the BPA-free toddler cups, too. The truth is though, I need to change more than just baby cups. I am in the habit of microwaving leftovers in plastic containers and things like that, so I need to make sure I use a plate or buy glass storage containers. I was actually thinking of replacing our old tupperwear because it's a little worn, so I'll probably get something safer.

I also want to get a "Hooter Hider" or something like it. No more hiding out in my car to nurse this time. I plan to use one of these so I can nurse anywhere discreetly. The heck anyone who has a problem seeing the outside of a blanket. Get over it.

I love this print: simple and stylish!

I just ordered one of these new Bum Genius 3.0 diapers today to see what I think, and if I like they way it snaps and changes sizes, I'll order more. I've sold off some of Olivia's diapers and left mostly gender neutral ones. When she's completely out of diapers (not quite there, but on our way) I'll sell off the rest of the girly ones. I like this particular diaper because it's one of the only ones that works from birth to toddlerhood. Most "one-size" diapers actually don't fit until the baby is a month or two old, so I want to see how small this can get compared the the Bum Genius 2.0. This one boasts that it works for 7 pounds and up, and baby boy is at least 6 already, so we should be good. :-)

These diapers aren't cheap, but I figure I can order 10 of these for what I'd spend the first few months alone in diapers. So worth it!

I already bought some of this awesome all natural diaper rash cream that's safe for cloth diapers. You have to be careful when it comes to cloth because the normal creams stain the cloth and cause build-up. This stuff works faster than any other rash cream I've ever used, and I know what every ingredient is. Conveniently, there are different sizes, so I have a small tube for my diaper bag and a bigger one for at home. It's great stuff even if you don't want to cloth diaper.

Well, that's my list for now. I'll share more stuff as I buy/receive it. We're getting close!

Baby Boy better stay put!

I think I neglected to mention that James is leaving town tomorrow for a week in San Francisco on business. Am I nuts to let him go? Maybe, but we've really debated about it and decided to take the chance. Because I have GD, I've been so closely monitored, and there's no indication of any contractions (not even Braxton Hicks) or any other risk factors, so we're hoping to have a full-term baby. Besides, this is James's first business trip with his new company and it might look bad for him not to go. Please pray for me while he's gone. I have my parents just minutes away (and my sister, grandma, and other extended family) so I'll have lots of help while he's gone. I have some projects lined up to do while he's away, like painting the letters for baby boy's name to hang on the wall (I'm still ordering something from you, Chas!), and also finish registering to help keep track of what we need.

I had my first "above the limit" blood sugar reading the other night, which really made me upset since I made it my personal goal to stay in the good range. Oh well. It was just once. It really showed me how much I am controlling my diabetes with diet. We ate out Italian, and for some reason, I thought eggplant was really high in protein (gotta balance protein and carbs-- V. important) but it actually isn't at all, so I basically had a dinner of just carbs and no protein. I only went 5 points over, but still, it messed up my track record, so now I'm all paranoid. I keep reminding myself it'll soon be over and that all my numbers pretty much have been good, if not too low. On the list to eat after baby boy arrives: Caramel fraps (Venti sized), fettucini alfredo, lots and lots of grape juice, a hot fudge sundae, and then it's back to being on a good diet again. :-)

I also forgot to mention that MF moved yesterday to South Carolina. I feel really sad about it, especially since she'll miss the birth of our son, but God always opens a window when he shuts a door. I've become really close to the co-organizer of my mom's group, and James has become tight with her hubby. They have a son who's a few months older than Olivia, and they adore each other. They hug and hold hands and it's so freaking cute! Also, she just had a baby boy who will be right around the same age as our little man, so hopefully they'll be buddies, too. They're a great Christian couple, and thanks to my friend, I have a whole new wardrobe of maternity clothes. It was like Christmas going through all the stuff she brought over. I was so sick of all the clothes I had since I wore them with Olivia and haven't bought much new this time. Last time we had two incomes, so I shopped a lot.

Well, off to shop online for some boyish cloth diapers and then it's off to dinner. James leaves early in the morning, so we need some good family time tonight! Midwife says no hanky panky though. Don't need ANY postuglandins ripening my cervix while he's gone!

Baby Boy in 4D

It wasn't quite as surreal to see baby boy in 4D since I'd already done it with Olivia, but it was still pretty weird. I can't believe we're going to have another baby, and a boy at that! I'm excited about experiencing something different. Boy clothes really are cuter than I'd initially thought. :-) We still have lots to do, and I've been somewhat of a slacker in that department. We've had so many relatives visiting lately and I'm just so much more sore this time than I was with Olivia.

Before I share his photos, just a quick update. I went to the diabetes clinic today, and they're "keeping an eye on me" because I'm losing weight instead of gaining. I have a solution for that: give me a freaking caramel frappucino with lots of whipped cream. Or, how about some french fries and bacon cheeseburger? :-) My blood sugar is consistantly on the low side too, which confuses me. If I have gestational diabetes, why the low numbers? They keep reminding me to watch for low blood sugar symptoms because it actually gets low enough that I could feel funny. I had a non-stress test today and everything is great. No contractions. Baby boy is in the right position, which is great because for a while there, although he was head down, he was in a posterior position. It could've caused back labor and for him to come out face up, but he's a good boy and moved to the correct position. :-)

The ultrasound revealed that we may have another big baby. At 33 weeks, he was already over 5 pounds, we it'll be iteresting to see how much bigger he gets. Luckily, I'll be having a Bradley birth and won't be numb, so it'll be easier to push him out than it was with Olivia.

Ok, now for some pictures!

He was determined to keep his hand by his face . . .

He seems more fine-featured, like his Daddy.

Although you can't see it, he already has some hair. I wonder if it'll be dark like Olivia's? She's so blonde now though.

Notice the attached earlobes? Another Daddy trait. Olivia has ears like mine. Isn't it neat that such small details can be seen by ultrasound?

We think we've decided on a double stroller with a matching car seat. I still need to go through Olivia's old clothes and pull out the gender neutral stuff.

Oh, and BTW, in reference to my towel-washing question: we do re-use our towels, but we could probably use them a couple more times and still reduce the amount of washing. I grew up in a house where we used towels just once, and when we stayed with my parents, my mom would come and take the towel out of our bathroom after one or two uses, but I see nothing wrong with using the same towel for several days as long as it isn't funky. I was just curious what you all did. :-)

We're going to see the little guy!

I'm really, really excited! We're having a 4D ultrasound to see the little guy this afternoon! Then it's off to our Bradley Class, which was rescheduled from Monday. I'll be sure to post pictures of our little man later. I wonder if he'll look like Olivia? We definitely got an idea of what Olivia really would look like from her 4D ultrasound. We could see her perfectly defined lip-line and also that her upper lip stuck out a tiny bit more than her lower lip, which it does. I wonder if he has hair? Olivia had a few strands, which was about all she had when she was born.

And now for the Q&A part of this entry . . . Some things I've been thinking about.

-- how do you keep bugs from eating your herbs when you want to keep the garden organic? Isn't there something you can plant around the herbs that bugs don't like? I think I heard there was. If no one knows, I'll have to consult Prof. Google.

-- Do you re-use your bath towels or wash them after one use? I'm thinking of ways to save water, especially since James wants a sprinkler system. Gah.

-- For those of you who had a drug-free birth, did you use a certain "method" to help you tolerate the contractions?

Getting Close

This morning, Olivia and I made a trip to the hospital to register for my delivery. Hard to believe the little guy could be here in 6 weeks! I can't believe it! The nursery is mostly done, but we still need to hang pictures, sort through Olivia's old clothes for stuff he can use, wash the new stuff we bought, get a stroller (Olivia's is pink), and buy a co-sleeper to attach to the side of our bed. At least, we think that's what we want to use for him. Otherwise, we'll keep him in the pack 'n play bassinet for the first couple months.

Here's a 31.5 week belly shot. I've been pretty slack about taking belly pics, and I feel really badly about it. I'm going to try to be more diligent in the coming weeks . . .

Know what's awesome? I unintentionally managed to cut my rear end out of the picture. That's always a plus, and you get to see our new master bedroom counter top. :-) For the sake of comparison, here's a belly shot at 32 weeks when I was pregnant with Olivia. I look smaller with Olivia.

But then I found this one taken the week before the above picture when I was pregnant with Olivia, so I really think my belly looks bigger/smaller depending on what I wear.

Even now, one day someone will ask me when I was due, and the next, someone will be surprised I'm so small for how pregnant I am. I've only gained 13 pounds, so I shouldn't look too big.

I'm trying to wrap up everything that still needs to be done in the next few weeks. James is going to San Franciso for a week in early May, and although we both agreed it's safe for him to go (I'll be 35.5 weeks), I am scared that his leaving is tempting fate, so I want to have everything ready to go. His company knows I'm pregnant, so if there's any question, he'll come home immediately. Still, I really think we'll be ok or I wouldn't have told him to go. I'll have already have 2 non-stress tests before he leaves and other monitoring because of the GD, so if they pick up anything, he won't be going.

I'm still trying to decide between a double stroller or single stroller. Either way, I need to buy something, and I just don't know what to get. I'd rather buy a single so it takes up less room in my trunk, and also it's easier to manuever, but Olivia isn't good about staying with me when she walks. I can't be chasing her in stores while pushing around baby boy in his stroller. Of course, Olivia doesn't like her stroller anymore, so maybe buying a double is a waste if she won't sit in it. Maybe I just won't go anywhere at all. :-) So many things to consider!

I love this color for a single stroller and carseat combo:

If I buy a double, I might go with the light green "Winnie the Pooh" option since Olivia loves Pooh.

I just don't want to buy a single or double and end up regretting my choice and having to buy something else . . .

It's my blog and I can cry if I want to . . .

Still happy about the settlement, but . . .

I'm not sure that I've mentioned it, but I got the cold from hell sometime before Christmas and it hasn't completely left me yet. I've been coughing since then and it's been driving me nuts. Just when I thought it was a little better, I've caught something else. And nothing-- NOTHING-- on my approved medicines list is helping at all.

Last night though, I found something that definitely had an effect on me. It didn't clear my nose, but it kept me laying awake for nearly 4 hours last night. I was tired, but I absolutely could not fall asleep and my mind was racing from the stress of not being able to sleep and from everything else we've got going on. I couldn't stop thinking about the listings my real estate agent sent us, like this one: (too lazy to make pics the same size)

I tried to imagine how our furniture would fit in the houses we like and I was stumped over exactly what to do with 2 living rooms, as most houses we like seem to have. Who has a formal living room with 2 babies? I kept imagining whether having a pool would be totally awesome or too much work and a danger for kids and dogs. Still not sure...

I also thought about everything I need to do today to get ready for the realtor tonight. She's coming to look at our house and put a price tag on it. I'm worried she'll tell us to change a bunch of things, and I know I'll just cry if I have to worry about painting or re-arranging. It just seems like too much right now. James is already driving me nuts with everything he wants to do, which would have our house ready for the market sometime next year! I want this house sold and gone before the baby comes because it'll be so much harder after he's here. I won't be able to straighten up as easily, and there will be swings and bouncy seats out, not to mention-- where will all his clothes and things go? I don't want to worry about creating a nursery and finding a place to move James's office, further cluttering our house, just to move a month or so later.

Today, I really need to be working in the house, but all I want to do is lay on the couch. I can't freaking breathe! Even eating and drinking makes me gag because I'm breathing from my mouth and I can't when there's something in it. My nose is totally clogged. Did I mention that everytime I cough or sneeze, I pee? Yep. Even if I've just gone, which I can assure you was no more than 5 minutes before. I swear I got up at least twice an hour last night to pee. How many calories do you think I burned walking back and forth last night to the bathroom? My guess it, enough to order whipped cream at Starbucks today (that is, if I have the energy to go. A white mocha sounds so good right now).

If I was still teaching, this would be a day to pop in a grammar video and sit at my desk, detention slips ready to go for any student who continued talking after their 3rd warning. I so would've done that. It would've been quiet and I could've sat there and felt miserable. Instead, I'm spending my day with a hyper toddler, who I love to death, but who no doubt will have had me draw Santa Claus at LEAST 30 times before James comes home because that's still her favorite thing (we've tried to explain he's gone until next year, but she doesn't care). In fact, last night she held a wipe up to her chin, yelling, "Look, Mommy! Have white beard!" and in a low, funny voice, she said, "Merry Christmas!!!!" How's that for cute? We have a smart little girl! I'll probably spend my day changing the diaper of every single doll and stuffed animal in the house because as Olivia says, "It pooped again, Mommy! I'll get diaper!"

I'll leave you with this: would you buy a house with a pool? Before you say, "heck yes!!" be sure to think about safety issues and maintenance and all that. It sure would be neat to say, "Hey! Pool party at our house!"

Ok, off to pee and blow my nose. Again.

Sloppy Seconds?

Is it bad to re-use basically everything in our current nursery for our little man? I feel badly not picking out all new things for him, but the truth is, I love Olivia's gender-neutral theme and she's never even spent the night in her room. I spent so much time creating her space and imagining her sleeping in the crib and it's never happened! Crazy. Anyway, it seems wasteful to buy all new stuff when what we have was hardly used. We're going to create a "big girl" room for Olivia and then modify her current room a bit for Baby Boy-- at least that's the plan if I can get over the guilt of not buying him his own stuff.

Crazy Pregnant Dreams

Well, here we go again. The insane dreams are back. I remember many a morning waking up when I was pregnant with Olivia and thinking, what the...???

Last night was crazy. I dreamed that I met Lisanne and that she was covered in tattoos like that girl from "L.A. Ink". I couldn't figure out why I'd never noticed them in her pictures she posts. Also, she just doesn't seem like the type. :-)

If I think of any of the other crazy dreams I've had, I'll be sure to share, I just thought this one was especially funny since many of you read Lisanne's blog. Lisanne is probably going to think I'm nuts. LOL!

I LOOOOOVE my midwife!!!

Today was like a breath of fresh air. I've been kind of nervous about my midwife appointment, just because it's something unfamiliar from what I did last time. At first, I didn't like the long line to check in (I've heard this practice is busy, busy!), but once I got checked in, successfully peed in a cup (which is a triumph in itself), I relaxed a bit as I waited in the tiny waiting room for the midwife. There's a separate area for midwife patients, and another for OB/GYN patients.

A nurse called me back, and as I answered her questions and waited for her to create my new chart, I glanced around the room. Wow! Already, everything seemed better than the other office! I saw several books on her shelf with titles like, "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" (I have this book!), "How to Avoid a C-Section", and another about involving your husband/partner in the process. I noticed all the pictures on the wall of new babies being held by the smiling midwives that delivered them, and I got a really cozy, familiar feeling. Everything felt so personal!

Then, when my midwife Melissa came in, I was excited because she remembered seeing me at the viewing of "The Business of Being Born" where we had met briefly. She talked to me about what I wanted-- my preferences, what I didn't like last time, any concerns I had. It wasn't an in and out kind of visit. She was so kind and she made me feel special. She asked tons of questions about my life: what my husband did, what I did for a living-- she was even interested in what I had taught and where. I told her my sister was an L&D nurse, and she actually had worked with my sister just this morning. I feel so excited about this process now. I was excited the first time, but also scared because I'd never been through pregnancy before. I just kind of followed whatever the OBGYN said and it was kind of a no-brainer. This time, I get to make decisions, create a birth plan, and make a personal connection with the woman delivering my baby. I'm not sure I would've been ready for all this the last time. This second time around, I have a confidence I didn't have the first time, which is probably very common.

I feel really good about my decision. Another thing to note is that she said she wants me to gain about a 1/2 pound per week, which means I have about 10/12 to go. I couldn't tell her exactly what I weighed pre-pregnancy because I never weigh myself (out of fear) and didn't get weighed with my former OBGYN until I was already 2 months along. I recently learned what I weigh, and I almost had a heart attack. Note to self: NEVER abstain from weighing myself again. It's much worse to find out later when it's a lot more than you thought! I need to hit the gym after this boy is born. Although I don't think I've gained more than a few pounds so far this time (based on what I weighed at the OBGYN last year), I started out pre-pregnancy weighing pretty much what I weighed with Olivia at the end of my pregnancy. I'm seriously going to cry if I write any more about this. I just know I need to get serious and my very careful about what I eat. I had slightly high blood sugar last time (although no GD) so I need to watch it. I ate very healthy today, so I'm off to a good start. I think I'm going to start writing down what I eat every day. That'll give me a reality check!

Well, we're off to TGI Friday's to meet my parents. We already ate dinner, but my parents wanted to see Olivia and buy us dessert. DESSERT! Ugh, I hope I can fight the temptation and order decaf coffee or something instead. Maybe it won't be too bad if I share something with James and Olivia???

UPDATE: I seriously have NO willpower. I ended up ordering a brownie a la mode, but after a few bites, I decided I'd be good and gave it to my dad, so I guess that counts for something, right?

Confession

Ok, this is the "personal" post I've been waiting to type. I've kind of been putting it off because I think my feelings are silly, but I'm hoping you all can reassure me.

Ever since I found out I was having a boy, I've been having some uneasy feelings about raising a boy. I'm not at all disappointed it's a boy. It's nothing like that. I'll admit that I feel a little disappointed for Olivia because I love having a sister and I had visions of two little girls in their PJ's playing dolls together like I did with my sister. I'm somewhat mourning the fact that this fantasy won't happen (unless we were to have a third, but then I might want a brother for this little guy). I actually wanted a boy and knew I'd be just a little sad if I never had a son. I'm just not so sure how it'll be to have one.

A million people have told me how much easier boys are. That seems to be the automatic repsponse when I say I'm having a boy. I swear 10 people have told me in the last week. Is that true? If so, why? Personally, I don't understand guys really. I love my husband, but he's definitely a different breed than me. You know the cliche. Men are from Mars... I am a very sensitive, emotional woman and I don't understand manly sports-playing guys. James isn't like that, and not all guys are-- I just have trouble seeing myself with a very boyish boy. I keep envisioning some sex-crazed teenager who'd rather read dirty magazines than give his mother the time of day. (Even I think I sound ridiculous, but I have crazy hormones. Indulge me.) :-)

I'm also already feeling sad that once he gets married, he won't talk to me as much because he'll only care about his wife because of something someone said. A family friend, who has sons and daughters, told me quite frankly, "You will love having a son, but they only stay mommy's boys until they marry, but a girl will be your baby forever." Ack! Is this true? James doesn't talk to his mom as much as I talk to mine. My dad doesn't talk to his mom as much as my mom talks to hers. Maybe this is a little true?

I keep looking at boys stuff in stores and it just feels weird. Even my sister told me before my ultrasound that I'm the type of person who has daughters and she's the type that has sons. I nodded in agreement. I always saw myself with girls because it's all I grew up with. Again, I'm not disappointed. If someone gave me the option of having another girl instead, I would keep my baby boy, I'm just unsure what to do with a boy. I love artsy stuff. I like make-up and cooking. I've never watched a sports game in my life except when I dated a football player in high school and even then I had no idea what was going on. What do girly girls do with little boys?

I'm somewhat embarrased to admit to these feelings, but I know I'm not alone in my worries. I've heard other women express these concerns, and at the time, I remember thinking I'd feel the same way, and now, here I am.

Will it all fall into place? Will it feel natural? Maybe I should get one of those books on raising boys. Hey! That's a good point. Do they have these books about raising girls? I've never seen one. I guess mothers can pretty much figure out what to do with a daughter.

I can't wait to meet my little man. I already love him so much and I tell him all the time even though he can't hear me yet. I just hope he thinks I'm cool. :-) I'll go to every one of his games if he plays sports, and all his concerts if he likes music. I just feel a little unsure right now as to what it'll be like.

New milk, new baby

It was weird enough when I stopped producing milk after Olivia weaned*, but now, I have colostrum again. Yep, the liquid gold has returned, ready to nourish yet another little life.

Olivia has been asking almost every day to nurse. She used to call it "boof" but now she actually says, "I nurse?" but then usually, right after, she tells me, "mommy milk all gone!" and I tell her that's right. I feel sad that she asks so much. I don't know that she'd really be interested if I let her, which I can't do anyway. My boobs are so freaking sore since the colostrum came back and nothing would flow freely enough for her anyway. I only have a little. Still, it makes me feel both nostalgic and sad about Olivia weaning, but also excited that it's all beginning again.

Midwives vs. OBGYNs

Leave it to me to bring up all the contrversial topics! Actually, the responses to my post about circumcision were great. I really enjoyed reading all your responses and it gave me a lot to think about. James and I will be doing some research of our own and also keeping your thoughts and personal stories in mind. It helps so much to hear about your choices, feelings, regrets, and satisfactions. I'd rather hear about real cases then read about extreme examples in magazines and such. I think it's awesome that I got such a variety of answers and everyone was so respectful of each other.

Anyway, moving on... Today, I had what might have been my last appt with my OBGYN. As I mentioned before, I made an appt with a midwife next week, but I'm having some unsure thoughts. There are so many things I like about my OBGYN's practice. Really, everything is great except for my options for delivery, which is what this all is leading up to anyway, isn't it?

I love that I never have to wait too long once I get to his office. I've heard that the waiting room at the other practice (the one with a midwife) is crazy and I may have to wait a loooong time. That's not easy with Olivia in tow. Also, I love that I can call my current OBGYN with a concern and someone always returns my call. It took me several phone calls and messages just to actually speak with someone at the front desk to even make an appt with the midwife. The office ladies aren't even nice there. Again though, these are not the most important things, but they are making me have doubts about leaving my current practice.

Today, I actually saw the nurse practitioner for my OBGYN. I've seen her before and she's awesome! I talked to her about my concerns and I told her I was considering seeing a midwife because I wanted to have a more active role in my son's delivery. She listened and pointed out that if I want to be able to move around during labor, and take my time, and have a natural approach, then a midwife is the way to go. I agree, it's just that I'm scared about switching to something unknown.

I want a natural birth this time. I considered one last time but everyone told me I was nuts and so I abandoned the thought. This time, I really want to go for it, but I feel like I have to defend my choice to friends and family and also reassure myself. I think the problem is that I myself am having doubts. I know I want it, but the thought scares me. A midwife will understand my choice and support it. I have nothing against medicated births. Even though my epidrual was given so late last time (and it pooped out on me), when it worked, it was heavenly. Am I crazy to give that up?

My reasons for wanting to have a natural birth are:

-- Our bodies are so capable. We're made to give birth. I want my body to do what it's made to do. There's something really cool about that.

-- I want to be able to walk around to help myself dilate faster rather than being stuck in a bed unallowed to move. I want to change positions and move my pelvis so the baby can descend easier.

-- Last time, my epidural caused part of my pelvis to stay numb for a while. I had trouble reading my body and knowing when to push. I want to be able to effectively push to hopefully avoid another vaccum birth (two different vacuums were used to deliver Olivia over the course of an hour) and maybe even avoid an episiotomy. Midwives have other techiques for getting that area to stretch: massage, oils, etc.

-- Your levels of oxytocin are incredibly high with an unmedicated birth. Oxytocin is the love hormone, the one that helps you bond to your baby. I'm not saying people with epidurals don't feel love, but I can tell you from personal experience that I know several people who did not feel that instant connection-- myself included, I even wrote a post about it-- and lower oxytocin levels can be to blame.

-- My epidural caused me to shake violently and I don't want that again. It kind of freaked me out.

-- I want a birth plan.

-- This is a big one for me: midwifery is more popular than hospital births in most developed nations, but strangely, not in our country.

In the end, we all have to do what works best for us. I don't want anyone to ever think that I'm judgmental when I post about cloth diapers, natural births, breastfeeding. These things are interesting to me and I like to talk about my views on them, but I'd also like to think I'm a little crunchy in a cool this-is-what-works-for-me-but-what-you-like-is-fine-too kind of way. :-)

BTW, I just have to say again that "The Business of Being Born" was so awesome. It made me believe in myself and my body's ability. It wasn't obnoxious in my opinion, but rather informative. You can check out the trailer here. Even James said, "wow!" when I showed him the trailer. It always makes me cry. :-)

For you moms who did go natural, were you glad? What did you do to prepare for the birth?

Wow, oh wow! (it's a ....)

That's all I could say when they told me the sex of the baby. It wasn't what I was expecting. I also cried because I was happy. What lucky parents we are!

So, I don't know if you know the difference between a mounds and an almond joy. There was a commercial that played on the fact that one has nuts and the other doesn't (mounds doesn't). They didn't do this when we had Olivia's ultrasound, but today, they broke the news with a candy bar.

The lady picked one up, and held her hand over it, and dropped it into James's hand so he could read the wrapper and reveal the sex. Lots of fun! At first, he was confused by the color of the wrapper, but the technician told him to read what was in it and ignore the color of the packaging, so James proudly announced that he was holding...

an Almond Joy! The baby has nuts! Boy, does he! He wasn't shy at all. He proudly opened his legs for us. My little baby boy...

Initially, I thought I'd have a boy (you may remember me saying that), but over the past week, I had an overwhelming feeling it was a girl.

It feels so strange to think we're having a boy. What do I know about boys? I'm so excited though to have one of each. It's ideal. We are so happy and excited to meet our little guy.

Here he is:

Our OBGYN won't do their ultrasound for a few weeks, but we paid to have a 16 week gender determination at a 4-D place the way we did with Olivia. What can I say? I'm impatient. Besides, they give you you a DVD of the baby and tons of pictures. It's soooo worth it!

Anyway, I went and bought the little guy an outfit today. I have a lot more shopping to do, but we've got time. Time to pack away the pink stuff! :-)

Oh, and I didn't wait to post until tonight just to drive you nuts. I have a horrible cold, and I prepared Christmas dinner tonight for my whole family, which was planned days ago and food was bought before the cold. I just didn't have the chance until now.

pink or blue?

Today's the day! We'll know soon whether Olivia will have a baby brother or sister! I'll be back to report later! :-)

Flutters!

Last night, I was laying on the bed after folding a pile of clothes. I was laying perfectly still, which I rarely do, because Olivia was playing with James. All of a sudden, I felt a strong, obvious movement! I am positive it was the little peanut! It actually felt strong for being the first definite movement I've felt.

I can't wait to find out the sex of the baby!!!

Losing My Mind

Lately, things have been stressful to say the least. There are times I think I'll simply lose my mind because of everything going on, and other times, I feel God's peace and I'm thankful for the blessings in my life-- and there are many.

My mom hasn't been doing so well. She's having trouble keeping up with her exercises and she's in terrible pain. I've watched people in my family have knee replacements before. There is a rare condition in my family that causes leg deformities (I'm not a carrier) so leg surgeries are nothing new, but my mom's was extremely complicated because of the severe nature of her deformities. From the outside, her legs have always looked fairly normal besides off-center knee caps, but inside, the bones are not formed properly and she's missing parts. It's going to be a long recovery.

My grandma finds out tomorrow whether or not she has cancer, pre-cancer, or something completely different. If she has cancer, I will be devestated. Few people I've ever known are as close to their grandmas as I am. I talk to her every single day. I see her several times a week, at least 4. I have never lived more than 15 minutes from her my entire life, no matter what state we were in. She is a second mother to me. I tell her everything. How many teenages do you know who talk to their grandmothers about their boyfriends? She has always been my advice giver. Seeing her with Olivia brings tears to my eyes. I know she has to go someday, but I'm not ready. She has to get to know this new baby. I am terrified. Please pray for her.

I'm trying to juggle family duties (and taking care of a high-maintenance toddler) and be a good organizer of my Christian mom's group. It's been a rough start, and although I have been diligent about not saying anything negative (besides on my blog) about the group I left (Karen's group), rumors are flying. It would take me a million years to get into everything, but I'm very confused and angry as to why our shared members (people who are in our group and Karens) have no problem with Karen talking about us behind our backs all the time (many people have told me what she says) yet people are mad at me and my co-organizer for, in their words, judging Karen. Because we left to start a Christian group, they think we must be judgmental of her and her group because it wasn't good enough. People will find fault in anything. It just makes me mad because my co-organizer and I have been so careful not to say anything negative about Karen or her group so we could keep a clean, Christian reputation, and it hasn't made any difference. People assume the worst anyway. We've been praying hard for our group, and things are better. The people who just wanted drama are gone, and the ones left are awesome, Christian moms with awesome kids. Before I end this topic, I have to say one thing that gave me just a little satisfaction, even if it's wrong to feel this way. Karen has tried hard to eliminate any group in the area but hers. I've heard her say things about other groups in the past, so I have no doubt she hates ours, too. She "coincidentally" schedules events at the same time as ours, and yesterday, she scheduled an event at the library at the same time as ours. We couldn't be sure she did it on purpose, but it's a safe bet. Well, when we got there, she was arguing with the library because she wanted her "usual" room, the one we were in. They explained that we booked it first, so really, by scheduling her event at the same time, she screwed herself out of her room. Maybe she learned something. I can proudly say that I've done nothing to hurt her or her group and I don't see it as a competition. I don't want her members. I left them for a reason. :-) If I only have a few members who are kind, drama-free people, I'll be thrilled.

I think all the stress and physical stuff I've been doing (cleaning, helping my mom, baking for friends and family, carrying heavy packages to the post office) has caused me to spot again. It's light, and there's no cramping or dark red blood. The doctor assures me all is well with the little one (and I think I'm feeling flutters maybe), but I know I'm doing too much. I wish I had a day to myself. Tomorrow night, I'm going with some friends to see "The Business of Being Born" hosted by our local birth network, so I'm excited about that. It might help me make some decisions about the birth I want this time.

In Olivia news, she is as funny as ever.

She insists regularly that she "pegnant" and says "Have beebee in my tummeeeee." She tells me she loves me all time time and that I'm pretty. Then she says, "eeeya (she calls herself this) pretty, too!" She calls Santa everyday on her pretend phone and tells him she wants a dolly. It makes me tear-up seeing her do all these things. Her vocabulary continues to amaze me. She's speaking better than most 2 year olds I know. The pediatrician assures us she's extremely advanced. :-) I just need to remind myself all kids learn at different paces and this next one might be totally different. I'm guessing that unlike Olivia, he/she will walk early and talk much later and be the total opposite.

We find out the sex in a week and a half. Don't forget to vote.

Well, that concludes this update. Time for bed...

Pictures, pictures!

First, belly pics as promised, though they're a bit late. I don't think I'm as big as I look. Some of it's bloating, but I do think some of it's baby as well.

Last night, we took Olivia to Aflac (where James works as an engineer) for a "lighting of the tree" celebration. The Aflac daycare kids performed (precious!) and a choir sang, and they served cookies and drinks. The best part was Santa being there. James didn't even tell me about the festivities until yesterday afternoon, so I hurried to wash Olivia's new Christmas outfit and change out of my sweats. I told her we were going to see Santa, who she hasn't stopped talking about since seeing him weeks ago.

Before we left, I snapped some quick pictures. She used to smile as soon as she saw the camera, but lately, when I say "smile Olivia!" this is what I get:

All the way there in the car, she talked about Santa.

"Santa hat. Santa beard. Santa buckle on belt. Kiss and hug Santa."

Then she sang Christmas carols, which I have yet to catch successfully on video.

"Frosty O-man. Happy. Frosty nose. Dooo-dooo-dooooooo! Eeeeee-bells! Eeeee-bells!" It's the funniest thing. She sings bits and pieces of songs she remembers.

The event at Aflac wasn't as thrilling as I hoped. It turned out to be not just an Aflac employees event, but a community thing, probably because of the free food. It was too crowded and there were some rednecks there who didn't have enough sense or consideration to be quiet while the kids perfomed and the choir sang. And please don't think I'm mean for calling someone a redneck. I love our Southern town, but some people really are rednecks. They might be nice people (I have some rednecks in my family), but they sure as hell can't keep quiet when it's appropriate.

We did get to greet Santa up close in spite of all the people, but Olivia chickened out again. She talks about Santa all the time, but the two times she's seen him, she's been scared. I'm not sure if we'll be getting pictures taken with Santa this year or not. Last year, I didn't even give anyone a picture of her with Santa because I had to hold her in the picture, and I looked so awful and fat that I hid them in a drawer.

Today, I have to pick up our poodle from the groomers, do major grocery shopping (it's pay day!) and run a few errands. Then tonight, the baby in my tummy is telling me it wants pizza, so I'll probably feed the baby what it wants. :-)

The Sweetest Sound

I heard the heart beat. It was the most precious sound ever. Although I was confident that things were ok, it felt better to know for sure. The doctor confirmed that I burst a blood vessel, and while I don't have any restrictions, he said it could happen again. Really, it could happen to anyone because the cervix is such a vascular area during pregnancy.

I was so relieved that I called to schdule the 16 week gender determination ultrasound with the 4D place where I had Olivia's done. So, on Dec 22, a Saturday (which is great because my family can come), we'll know what the little peanut is. We've picked a girl's name (not telling!), so if it's a boy, the arguing will continue. Otherwise, we've got it covered.

I took a couple belly pics, but my camera is at home and I'm at my mom's. I'll get those posted tomorrow. :-)

Update

Thank you for all your prayers and concern. It means so much to me.

Although I've been completely wiped out and still a bit nauseous, I haven't had any more bleeding. At this point, I'm confident that the little peanut is alive and well, but I won't feel 100% better until I've heard the heart beat. I have an appt Tuesday, but I'm going to try to get in tomorrow. I'm not sure if they'll take me since I don't have any of the symptoms they told me to look for, but I want some relief, so maybe they'll take me a day early? I'll let you know.

Again, thank you for checking on me. We managed to put up our Christmas tree yesterday. I'm sad I don't have any pictures of Thanksgiving or us putting up the tree (my camera battery was dead), but I'll make up for it in the coming weeks. Olivia is thrilled we have a Christmas tree in our house, and she's been taking off the ornaments, kissing them, and putting them back up in random places.

Oh, oddly enough, in the midst of me being sick, Olivia decided she wanted to nurse. I think it was a comfort thing because she was upset I was "coughing" (she said I was coughing whenever I threw up). We managed to distract her because I really don't have much milk. I just thought it was interesting that after all these weeks, she still remembers. It's something I'll always treasure.

Now, I'm just praying I'll still have the chance to nurse this precious baby. I really believe I will.

Our very unhappy Thanksgiving

Well, this Thanksgiving turned out to be the worst EVER. Some of this might be TMI, so I thought I'd hide the entry just in case...

James ended up staying home because he felt nauseous, but I went anyway with Olivia. When I got to the dinner, one look at the food told me I was getting something, too. It didn't feel like pregnancy-related nausea either. My mom drove me and Olivia home, and at one point, I yelled for her to pull over and I puked my guts out. When I got home, James was laying in bed with a bucket next to him. My mom decided to stay and keep Olivia, and thank goodness because I continued to heave over and over again.

At one point, as I was laying down to rest, I felt my pants get wet and saw blood soaking through my PJ pants. It felt like a nightmare. I kept thinking, I'm going to wake up any second now. I ran to the bathroom where I bled a lot more in the toilet and I passed a clot. At this point, I was sure I was miscarrying and I was hysterical. I know I freaked Olivia out, who started crying with me. James called the doctor on call for my OBGYN, and he had a different theory. He asked me many questions: had I been heaving hard? (yes) Had we recently seen the baby alive on ultrasound? (yes) etc. He said he thought that since I wasn't cramping, maybe I had burst a blood vessel in my cervix from straining and heaving. James, who was sick as a dog and throwing up constantly, ran out to the drugstore to get me some Phenergan (an anti-nausea suppositiry) to stop the vomiting, but it didn't help. I continued to throw up, and everytime I bled more. Then, the vomiting stopped and the bleeding did too. I've never had menstrual cramping, and no bleeding today. I think the doctor was right, but I have been instructed to rest and go to the hospital if symptoms continue. My sister, thank goodness, is a L&D nurse with much gyno experience, and she said she agrees with his theory, but that I should avoid strenuous activity and lifting. I see the doctor next Thursday, but I'm going to call Monday to see my own OBGYN and check things out. Although I'm confident it's not a miscarriage, I want to hear that heartbeat for peace of mind.

I'm still shaken up. I think that was the scariest moment of my life yet seeing that blood soaking through. All I could think was, I wish I hadn't already seen it waving its little arms on the ultrasound. I think things will be ok, but I'm taking it easy. Please keep me in your prayers. I'll update you as necessary.

In desperate need of skincare advice!

You know what's even more nasty than having your face covered with pimples? Having them all over your back! Yep, pregnancy has brought back something I haven't had since high school. I've always suffered some with my complexion, but I've never had a problem with my back. I suppose this is another joy of pregnancy-- one that I don't remember having with Olivia.

I haven't changed my skin care regiment, but probably should. I just don't know what to try. I was using this Proactiv type stuff, but my skin has gotten so dry that I can't use it anymore. I need something to moisturize and still conquer these lovely zits.

I'm curious, what type of skin do you have and what products do you like? I think I need to try some new products, at least until the little peanut is out.

Oh, an does anyone else share my disgusting obsession with popping things on their face? I hate black heads and white heads. I squeeze everything and end up looking worse. I just can't stop myself. Someone please come and restrain me.

Little Peanut

Wow! I am really having another baby! I feel so blessed and excited and shocked and relieved that everything looks good. I have a million emotions right now.

I had a vaginal ultrasound, and as soon as she stuck the camera up in my nether regions, I saw the baby come on the screen. Immediately, I searched the screen for a fluttering heartbeat, and there it was! It wiggled its little arms and legs and it made its Mommy get all teary. Olivia was very distressed as to why I was on the table spread eagle and it bothered her that the lights were off, but she was pretty good. The strawberry milkshake I brought her certainly helped.

The baby is measuring right on schedule and everything looked great. Like I said, now it feels so very real. I just want to go out and buy baby stuff, but I guess I need to wait until I know what it is. :-) If it's a girl, we won't need too much. Whatever it is, its already very loved!

The pictures don't show much. At some angles, the image looked more clear on the screen, but unfortunately, the pictures aren't too good.

I am about to go meet my mom for dinner. My old school is having a celebration because they just became an official IB school, and even though I'm not teaching anymore, I helped start the IB programme, so I'm going as my mom's date (she teaches there now). But all I can think about it seeing the baby. I am on cloud 9. I have one awesome, beautiful, brilliant baby (who accurately told me that she saw 3 busses today right after we saw 3 in a row) and another blessing on the way. Life couldn't be sweeter!

Pretty soon, I've got to get something up where you can vote for the sex. What are we thinking, pink or blue??

I get to see the baby tomorrow!!!!

I had my first OBGYN appt yesterday. I felt like I had to wait forever. With Olivia, they saw me at 4 weeks, and 8, etc, but maybe because this is my second, they made me wait 9 weeks? Anyway, it felt good to actually confirm the pregnancy. That might sound silly, but I liked having assurance that the little bean is in there! I really wasn't worried, but the other day, my dad curiously asked, "so you haven't confirmed it with the doctor yet?" Without going into too much detail, I tried to explain that I was sure, but then I started thinking that some embryos stop developing and you don't know for a while, blah blah blah. Anyway, it was good to have my blood tested and a physical exam confirmed that my uterus is definitely already bigger!

They asked if I was still nursing, and it was sad to tell them no. Olivia hasn't asked since that one post last week, so I think we are indeed done. Now that I've had my first appt, I feel more excited about this baby.

And here's the most awesome news! My OBGYN has changed some policies (not all good-- I'll get to that later) and they now do ultrasounds around 10 weeks. They scheduled me for tomorrow, so I'll get to see the baby!!! I am so excited. We'll get to see the heart beating They didn't try to find it with the doppler yesterday because they said usually the earliest is 10 weeks. I think we'll get to see it moving around. I'm not sure what a 9.5 week old fetus is doing exactly...

This time around, my OBGYN only will see me at every other visit and his PA will see me the other times. I'm thrilled because I really like her. She's a bit more forthcoming whereas my OBGYN is quieter and I usually had to ask him questions. There are some other new policies that I don't like. Although this doesn't apply to me, he won't allow patients to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). As long as they monitor the baby and mom, it's totally possible. Also, he doesn't allow written birth plans. I also had to sign something essentially saying that he had the right to use a vacuum and/or do an episiodomy. Sadly, I think there are few doctors who allow mothers to take a more natural approach to birth. Those options should be available. A midwife can't even get licensed here in Georgia.

I've gotta throw something about Olivia in here. When we went for Vietnamese again on Saturday night, she stuck a spoon in James's Pho and held it up to his mouth, saying "taste?" James opened his mouth and she said, "What ya say? Say peeeeese. O-tay?" So he said please and she gave him a taste. Hillarious!!!

Well, I'm off to get dressed. It's cooooold today. I'm meeting MF for lunch at Atlanta Bread Company (mmmmmm.... hot soup and a panini) and then we're going to the Christian bookstore to get new materials for our moms' bible study tomorrow morning. Fun!

Apparently, I spoke too soon...

Felling very yucky today. I thought I was in the clear in terms of morning sickness and exhaustion, but I guess I was wrong. Yesterday, I started feeling really tired and the site of certain foods made me gag. This morning, I woke up feeling very nauseous, so I ate some toast only to throw it up minutes later. I feel so typically *pregnant*. I'm hoping it's a fluke and that I won't feel like this every day.

********************************************

I typed this a couple days ago and never got to finish it. The nausea, fatigue, and general yuckyness has *definitely* started. Maybe it's a girl after all? I'm feeling just like I did with Olivia. Of course, that's just an old wives' tale, but I'd be thrilled to have another girl.

I am wearing my sea-bands again and looking very silly, but I'm convinced these things work. Also, I haven't been able to wear my wedding band and engagment ring or my other ring since the second I learned I was pregnant. My fingers are so swollen and ugly. I don't want to look like an unmarried woman considering I have a toddler and another on the way. Call me old fashioned, but I still believe that people should be married when they have kids because that's what the bible says. I'd appreciate you please respecting my beliefs. My beliefs are not up for debate. Anyway, morality aside, it makes me sad to think that I'll have to go sans rings for 7 more months!

I still have lots of pictures to post and catching up to do, but I'm hosting a fall dinner at my house tonight and I have to get cooking! :-)

Possibly the best Saturday EVER!!!

On Saturday, I FINALLY used a gift certificate I received last Christmas to get a massage at a place called Heavenly Hands. My grandma had heard about the magic this woman works, so she got everyone in the family a gift certificate for a one hour full body massage. She's been bugging me to use it, and I'm sooooo glad I waited until now because I have never needed it more. My back pain has been almost intolerable. I forgot to mention that the results of the discogram I had showed an anular tear, which means the fluid in the center of my discs is leaking out into my back, causing me great pain, so you can imagine how great the massage felt! Her hands were like magic. After the massage, she asked me if I had been in an accident, and when I said yes, she told me that she hoped I had gotten some good money out of it because she could tell the extent of the damage just from that one hour. We haven't settled yet, so I could use your prayers about the whole settlement mess, which will be over by Febuary, exactly 2 years after the accident.

My mom has her massage right after mine, and then we had lunch at a local favorite around here, Country's. Later, my parents took Olivia out to eat and back to their house while James and I went to our first movie in a year. We saw Rendition, which was quite good!

It was a great day! I can tell you one thing, I will definitely be treating myself to more massages. I am in so much pain from the accident, and I am constantly carrying a toddler and lugging around a huge diaper bag (I seriously have everything but the kitchen sink in there and I can't seem to do without anything). I just want to treat myself while I'm pregnant. Although I don't feel as sick, I can already tell that my back is going to be an issue, so I want to take care of myself.

My fingers are so completely swollen. I had to take my rings off a couple weeks ago. Is it possible to be swollen this soon? I haven't had my first appt yet, but I hate to call just to ask about my fingers. I doubt I'll hear the heart beat at my first appt. I'll be 9 weeks, so I think that's too soon. I guess I'll hear it at the next one.

I am so curious as to what this one is. If it's a girl, I think I'll be relieved because I already have one and I have all the stuff. If it's a boy, there will be a moment of "oh crap! What do I do with a boy? What do I do with his penis while I change his diaper????" and then I think I'll feel excited because I'll be experiencing something different. We don't really know what we'll name either one, but it's already fun to talk about it. We don't agree on anything this time, so hopefully, when it gets closer, James will give in. :-)

Just had to share: Olivia is saying sentences all the time now. The other day, the check-out lady asked me how old she was, and I said, "18 months." She said, "What? 18 months? I just heard her say a whole sentence! She's amazing!" and I felt sooooo happy! :-) She asks questions, sings songs (not the whole song of course) and answers me in 4 words sometimes. She's great with pronouns too. She referred to my sister's bf as "him" and she differentiates between "that" and "those". I love this age!

When my money from Payperpost comes in, I am soooo buying these Robeez!!!

update in pictures and how I told James I was pregnant!

Well, the cravings have begun. I can't stop thinking about food. I'm almost hoping I'll get nauseous just so I'll stop eating. It might be the only thing that keeps me from gaining 25 pounds in the first trimester! Yesterday, I wanted Mexican food so bad, but my car was in the shop getting 2 flat tires fixed (must've run over something). I kept trying to think of a Mexican restaurant that delivered, but there aren't any, so as soon as I got my car back at 3:00, I went right out to a Mexican restaurant with Olivia. :-)

My boobs are really, really sore and nursing has become unpleasant. I'm hoping Olivia will wean herself. I get teary eyed just thinking about it, but we've gone 18 months, and it's probably time. If my boobs stop hurting though and she's still going, I guess I'll cross that bridge then. She nurses so little that I guess I could nurse two...

I told you I'd show you the Christmas outfit I bought Olivia. It's one of the most expensive things I've bought. I always buy her nice clothes, but I don't throw money around. I have a friend whose daughter is always dressed to the nines. I don't think I've seen her in something that didn't cost $50, seriously. Everything is embroidered, hand smocked, and from one of the few pricey boutiques. Olivia has some things like that, but I'm choosey and I look for sales. Anyway, here's her Christmas outfit. I definitely want to get her Christmas potraits done in it!

I had Christmas diapers made, too. They just got here the other day. I wanted them now because in a couple weeks, we're going to our annual Christmas craft fair and I wanted her to be able to wear them.

I have some Olivia pictures too. I can't believe my daughter is 18 months old. There's nothing that makes your life fly by faster than having children. Suddenly, life just speeds up!

Look at these curls! I could play with her hair all day, seriously.

Can you see the lemon? I can't believe how much she likes them. She makes faces, but she always wants more. Oh, and see the boo-boo under her eye? It actually looks much worse in person. She fell off a chair and hit her face. :-( I'm having a hard time accepting that getting hurt is part of being a kid.

Here she is in James's old (but clean) painting shirt. She pulled it out of the laudry basket and cried until we put it on her. Then she wouldn't take it off.

She was so tired and needed to go to bed, but she still wouldn't let us take it off. If we got near her, she'd yell, "No! Shirt!"

This is the shirt I bought for Olivia to wear the day I found out I was pregnant. I never really blogged about how I told James. He had no idea I was going to test because I wanted to surprise him. I went out and bought this shirt, and when he got home, I waited for him to look at the shirt. Olivia kept pointing to her shirt and telling James that she had a bow on her shirt, and he told her it was cute, but he never read it. I kept waiting and waiting and I was getting really impatient. I even asked him if he looked closely at her shirt and he told me he had. LIAR! :-) Finally, he asked me when I thought I'd test, and I said, "Oh, I don't know. Hey, have you looked at her shirt?" and again, he said he had. Finally, I yelled at him, "READ THE DAMN SHIRT!" :-) And he did, but he didn't get it. ??????!!!!!????? He asked me why Olivia was wearing a "big sister" shirt if I hadn't even tested yet. I asked him why I'd put the shirt on her if I wasn't sure? He said, "well you said you hadn't tested" and I explained that I was putting him off because I wanted him to read the shirt. We both ended up laughing and hugging when he finally put it all together!!

That evening, my parents were coming by, and James said he didn't think they'd get it either. I told him I KNEW they would, and sure enough, they noticed right away. James is just dense I guess. LOL!

Anyway, I'm still not sure if it's hit me. For a few days I thought it had, but now I'm not so sure. I don't feel that differently, and my mind is so consumed with thoughts of Olivia-- her constant chattering (she even asks me questions now), and her climbing, and "re-organizing" of everything in the house. I'm too busy to think about being pregnant! I sometimes wonder how I'll handle 2 of them, but I'm 100% busy now, so I guess it can't get that much harder.

Well, I'm off to make dinner. We're going on a walk after dinner to enjoy this cool air for as long as it lasts. Tomorrow, we're going to a fall festival in the mountains!

Yep, it's becoming real...

Thank you for all your good wishes and congratulations! I think it's starting to sink in...

Especially last night when I woke up to throbbing fingers and had to spend 15 minutes twisting and turning my rings until they came off. Is it possible to have swollen fingers THIS soon? If it is, that's my only symptom so far. I've already decided I'm eating things I love this week because pretty soon, I may not want to eat at all. Gotta spoil myself while food is still enjoyable. This time next week, I might be hanging over a toilet. I think my nausea started around 5/6 weeks with Olivia, and I'm a month along now.

I've started writing for Pay Per Post and Payu2blog to get paypal to fund my cloth diaper addiction. I've already started looking at cute, itty bitty diapers. Newborns look soooo cute with big fluffy fannies!

Something tells me this one's a boy, although I thought the same thing with Olivia, and of course, I was way off!

What do you think? Any gut feelings about the sex?

Seems so long ago . . .

My sister showed me this picture yesterday. I had never seen it before and really didn't have too many of my bare belly. Sadly, the stretch marks got even worse in the last couple of weeks (I am guessing I was between 36-38 weeks in this one). Hard to believe sometimes that Olivia was actually in there!

Birth Story

What? Two entries in one day? Can it be?

I actually found the time today between feedings, diaper changes, and millions of kisses to write my birth story. BTW, I have to add that Olivia slept well last night! She slept from 11:40-3:45, 4:30-8:00, and 8:30-10:00. I hate to get too excited, because generally, she is up until at least 2:30 every night before she even thinks about going to sleep. *keeping my fingers crossed for tonight*

And now for my birth story:

This will probably be extremely long, detailed, and a bit personal, but it is our story and I want to tell it exactly as it was.

I’m not exactly sure where to begin because I’m not positive when the symptoms I experienced went from pre-labor to actual labor. I had been dilated and effaced for quite a while, after all. I think the real symptoms leading up to my labor began on Sunday, April 9. Oddly enough, I had eaten Eggplant Parmesan the evening before and had eaten the leftovers that day. I noticed that my body began “cleaning itself out”. I’ve read and heard that this is a sign labor is coming. All day, whatever I ate seemed to go right through, so I was hopeful. I was scheduled to have my membranes stripped that Monday, April 10, so I figured Olivia would be here soon anyway, hopefully.

The next morning, my body continued to clean itself out. At 11:15, James took me to see the OBGYN. One of the first things he said to me was that he was surprised I hadn’t gone into labor on my own already since I had been dilated and effaced for so long. He said that that was why he never ventured any guesses because sometimes he was wrong. At this appointment, I was almost 3 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced. At that appointment, he stripped my membranes a bit (he said only a little) and recommended an induction if I didn’t go into labor soon. I had pitting edema in my feet and I had been urinating every 10 minutes with painful bladder spasms. He also guessed that the baby was 8 or 8.5 pounds (she was close to 8 lbs, 11 oz!) We decided to schedule it for Thursday if nothing had happened.

Almost immediately I began cramping and bleeding from the exam and having my membranes stripped. The discomfort continued all afternoon and I had a few contractions, but nothing regular—maybe 1 an hour. I had read that stripping membranes causes cramping, so I wasn’t sure if something was really happening or not. That evening, around 6:30, my family met for dinner. As usual, I had to urinate as soon as I got there, and when I was walking back to the table, I had a strong contraction (although not painful) followed by bad back pain that didn’t stop. The back pain continued for a few hours and would sometimes get worse. My mom said that she thought it was something, but I really didn’t At the time, I was under the impression that the baby might’ve been pressing on something in my back. I didn’t think the pain was from contractions because it seldom let up. I was wrong. I looked up my symptoms in What to Expect When You’re Expecting and it said that this was a sign of labor. I was also having more than just spotting from my appointment. I think it was bloody show. Around 11:30, James and I decided to go to bed. Around 12:30, I began have contractions 3-5 minutes apart, but they really weren’t painful at all. However, they were very regular and close together. After an hour, we decided to get ready to go to the hospital and call my doctor, but around 1:30, they stopped. I waited and waited for another one, and it didn’t come. I was really confused and figured having my membranes stripped could be causing this. I finally fell back to sleep.

At around 3:40, I was awakened by a horrible menstrual cramp. I immediately sat up because it had been so uncomfortable. I got up and went to the bathroom and had another one. I got back in bed and had another just a few minutes later. These were not like the ones I had experienced earlier. I woke James up and while we were talking, another one came. These were much more intense and painful, not like the ones before. There was no doubt. These were the real deal and I knew from what I’d heard that they would get worse before it was all over. I couldn’t even imagine that. They were immediately 3-4 minutes apart, but I was scared they’d stop again. I was hesitant to call because what if they stopped? They hurt really badly though and I couldn’t stand the thought of staying home and just waiting. While we were debating, I thought I felt something trickling out on my pad. I got up and ran into the bathroom. As soon as I sat down on the toilet, a gush of water came. I was so relieved. Now, there was no question at all. I called my OBGYN and told him. Then I called my parents and grandma who said they’d all meet us there. We left for the hospital minutes later (but not before I posted the update on my blog!).

We hit every green light on the way to the hospital. Although I was in tremendous pain, I was pleased that I got to experience the whole middle of the night, rushing to the hospital situation with James. Now I wasn’t going to have to be induced! When we arrived at the emergency room entrance, I had the hardest, worst contraction yet. I told James that I didn’t think I could walk, so he ran in and had them bring out a chair. I was trying to breathe as best I could. The lady took me up to Labor and Delivery while James parked the car. When I got upstairs, I saw my family and James arrived around that time. They took me to an admitting area where I was asked to change into a gown. I laid down on the bed and tried to breathe through my pain. James was not allowed back to be with me. I was scared and wanted him there. A nurse explained that there wasn’t anyone available to check me, so she’d do it. (I would hear this a million times more from her). She said I was 4.5 centimeters dilated, but that they’d have to verify my water had broken. She did a test with a swab and it came out positive, but she said the test was invalid because I was bleeding a bit. I assured her my waters were broken, but she was doubtful. I had the feeling they weren’t definitely going to admit me even though my contractions were so close. I could be wrong. She then said that she was going to do something that would release more water if the water had already broken. When she took her hand out, she said, “nope, nothing” and then, all of a sudden, water gushed everywhere. I murmured something like “I told you my water had broken!” I guess that was enough for them to admit me. I told the lady right away that I wanted an enema (remember my fears about pooping on the dr) and they said it’d be a while. Finally, they let James come back and we waited for a room. A while later (I’m not sure how long, I was in too much pain) I was wheeled into labor and delivery. I was hooked up to the monitors and given an IV, which took forever. I started asking for an epidural (I was miserable!) but the nurse who was “helping me because no one else was available” ignored me. Then, another nurse came and began working with me. My family came in at some point, but I can’t remember when. All I remember is hurting and trying to breathe through the contractions. I was almost completely unaware of anything but my pain. I continued to ask for an enema, but they checked me and I was 6 centimeters dilated. It was too late. I could tell that they put it off and ignored me. My OBGYN had said that they often ignore those orders and that I’d have to remind them. I was annoyed, but too tired to care. I continued to ask for an epidural—I’d already been there 2 ½ hours, but they said they hadn’t done the blood work yet to allow me to get one. My family yelled at them and asked why not? I’d been there so long already. They decided to give me phenergan. The contractions still hurt terribly, but I didn’t care as much. It was good stuff. I vaguely remember the nurse asking me a million questions and typing the answers into a computer and I remember another guy coming to ask me questions about an epidural. James said I didn’t answer half of them and had to be asked twice. Finally, someone came to draw my blood. Around this time, the nurse checked me and I was close to 8 centimeters dilated. Still no epidural. I was approaching transition and I was miserable. The nurses really weren’t that kind and didn’t seem to care that I was hurting. When I was in L & D during my car accident, the nurses were lovely. I wasn’t so lucky this time. At last, an anesthesiologist came to give me my epidural. It didn’t hurt and at all and I felt immediate relief. I was able to sleep some off and on for the next couple of hours. I remember my family coming in and out, taking turns, and also nurses and other people coming to check me. The reality of what was happening still had not hit me. All I could think about was sleeping.

The next time the nurse checked me, I was fully dilated, but the nurse said she wanted me to labor more because the baby needed to come down another centimeter or so. But, when my OBGYN came in, he said no, that it was time to push! I was actually disappointed because I wanted to sleep more. (I really wasn’t myself at all). I began pushing, but it was hard because I couldn’t feel the contractions very well. That would change. I pushed for an hour or so I think, and then I started to feel the contractions. I kept telling them that I was hurting, but they didn’t say much. The pain was mostly on my left side at first, and I kept pressing the button to get more medicine in the epidural, but it didn’t help. I continued pushing and pushing and feeling the contractions helped me know when to push. The baby didn’t come down like they wanted, although at one point, when the nurse pulled back my skin, the baby’s head was somewhat visible and James, my mom, and grandma (who were with me in the delivery room) got to see it. Finally, after almost 2 hours of painful pushing, my OBGYN said that we needed to use a vacuum. Initially, I had planned not to use one, but it was obvious that it was needed. The first one they tried kept coming off the baby’s head and I could tell my OBGYN was getting really frustrated. I was too, because I was really hurting and feeling the pain and I wanted her out! The second vacuum attached much better and after continuing to push, she began to come down more. I pushed with all my might because it was hurting so much and I knew it was the only way I’d feel relief. It’s odd-- never really thought about the baby. I didn’t think about meeting her or that she was almost here. I was hurting so badly that all I could think about was having it all be over. Even between pushes, I felt completely out of it, like all I wanted to do was sleep for the precious moments in between contractions. James and my mom were holding my legs and my grandma was seated on the couch. With one push, I peed everywhere. I saw it spray a bit, but it did not get on my doctor. He said something about the nurses and them not having catheterized me. At one point, as I was pushing, James looked “down there” and made a nasty face. “This is it,” I thought. “I’ve gone and pooped all over the place.” I was scared to ask because I hadn’t received my enema, but it turns out, just as James looked; the doctor cut me with scissors. He’d cut more later, but I’m not quite sure when he did. All I know is that I was feeling so much pressure; I really couldn’t feel the pain from the episiotomy.

I can’t really say at what point my daughter came out because everything hurt so much. I couldn’t tell when she actually was out. I vaguely remember them holding her up, and then the next thing I knew, my doctor said, “you can touch her,” and I looked down and she was on my stomach. It was 11:52 on April 11. All the emotions I thought would come didn’t. I was not moved as I thought I’d be. I know I cried, but it was a combination of many feelings—shock, relief, pain from the continuing contractions (weren’t they supposed to stop when the baby came out???) and sheer exhaustion. They took her over to the table to work with her and I continued breathing through the contractions. I kept saying, “Aren’t they supposed to stop?” and then I remembered that the placenta still had to come and that’s why they continued. My OBGYN pressed on my tummy and waited for the placenta. When it finally came, I caught a glimpse of it and decided I really didn’t want to see it. Shortly after, he began stitching me up, which took at least 20 minutes. I watched some of what they were doing with my daughter, but I felt left out of that whole process. James was videotaping it so I could see it later, and my mom and grandma were watching her get cleaned up, bathed, etc. I felt like a spectator at that point, watching everyone in the room watching her. I waited and waited for what seemed like forever for them to bring her to me. I was still hurting so badly. I felt like I had been run over by a bus. When they finally brought my daughter to me, the feelings of shock and confusion returned. I was too overwhelmed. I felt love yes, but mostly complete and utter shock. I also felt guilt. Wasn’t I supposed to be sobbing over my love for this child? What was wrong with me? Everyone assured me my feelings were normal, but I felt confused by my reaction. Soon after, I began to try to nurse her. She nursed a little and I kept touching her, looking at her. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do or say.

It didn’t take long though for me to fall completely, utterly in love with Olivia. I would do anything for this child and I can’t imagine life without her now.

I know this was a longer birth account than most people write, but I wanted to remember every detail of our story—mine and Olivia’s.

She has arrived!

Good news everyone. Our daughter Olivia Beth was born on April 11, 2006 @ 11:52AM. She weighed 8 lbs 11 ozs (ouch) and was 21 inches long. Hannah and I are so happy and can't wait to post tons of pics. I ran home today to update everyone. I'm sorry it wasn't sooner but I did the best I could. I couldn't bear to leave my beautiful ladies. Well I'm headed back to the hospital to stay with my family. If all goes well, we will all be home tomorrow evening. For all of those curious here's a quick cell phone pic.

~James

This is it!

I made the title sound like something so positive. The truth is, I am in more pain than I ever have been in my whole life. Contractions started hours ago, got regular and stopped. Then, I was awakened by HORRIBLE, EVIL, HUGE contractions close together. Right when I said, "how long do I have to wait?" my water broke. We're off to have a baby!

Real Progress

I just got back from my OBGYN appt this morning. I have made progress! I am 3 cm dilated and 90% effaced. The doctor said that he's surprised I haven't gone into labor by now. He said this is why he doesn't venture any guesses because he can be wrong and patients end up disappointed. It didn't hurt too bad when he stripped my membranes (well, it did, but it wasn't as awful as I thought it would be). I've had a lot of cramping since then and bleeding too, but this is normal. I've also had one good contraction in the last few minutes.

I made a decision today that I didn't think I was going to make. I scheduled an induction for Thursday. I did it for a few reasons:

1) The doctor said because I'm so close, it wouldn't take much to put me into good labor.
2) She is big (maybe as much as 8.5 pounds already!)
3) I have pitting edema in my feet (when you poke at them, the indentation stays)
4) My blood pressure has gone up a bit
5) I am seriously thinking I'll go into labor on my own before then (fingers crossed)

I'll post any updates!!!

Discomfort-- could this mean something?

I've had some odd pains today, but not exactly what I'd think of as contractions. It's sort of been sharp pains here and there and just general discomfort. After drinking some raspberry leaf tea, it got more intense, but then stopped. Tonight James took me out for eggplant parmesan (it worked for GFF who I think had her baby today!!!) and I am going to drink more tea. I'm hoping. Today, my mom took me shopping for some new clothes (things I can wear when I'm getting my shape back and after). She tried hard to cheer me up because she knows I'm super frustrated right now.

Tonight James and I are going to watch a movie, eat desert we brought home from the restaurant, and pray for labor to begin. If nothing has happened before Monday, the doctor wants to strip my membranes. Maybe that'll do the trick?

So Ready

For the last couple of days, I have been having strange little pains that come and go, but there is really no definite end or beginning. They might be Braxton Hicks. Last night, I had some bad pains, but I think some of it was gas. How sad is it that I can't even tell? And then there are my ever-faithful friends, the bladder spasms, that come all the damn time. I am so uncomfortable I feel like cying (not from the pains, but from my feet, which now hurt to walk on). My legs ached all evening and night to the point where I was whining constantly. But, by God, I still tried to get that labor to start:

~ spicy food (which probably gave me the gas)
~ bedroom activites (which ends up being funnier than anything else because I am so big
~ raspberry leaf tea (even I am getting sick of tea)
~ a foot massage yesterday
~ praying/begging-- God has a time in mind I'm sure
~ walking (which is what made my feet look the way they do. I think I could walk on water with this inflated raft feet)
~ cooking (they say that a last burst of energy can indicate you are close to labor. I thought I'd try to convince myself that I am) Maybe I'll even go vacuum right now.

My mom thinks I'm close. I told her that just because I have gas and my friend and confidant in this whole thing went into labor doesn't mean I will. I feel like crying. I am too uncomfortable to enjoy much of anything. All I can do it sit and wait (and whine on my blog).

Still Here

There is one good thing about feeling this uncomfortable: I have an excuse to go pamper myself. Today I went and had a spa pedicure and it was heavenly (and not too expensive!) The nail tech massaged cooling gel on my swollen feet and ankles and used warm towels to bring down the swelling. It helped for a while, until I went grocery shopping and made them fat again. Last night, my feet were more swollen than they've ever been. In fact, I now have pitting edema, which means that when you poke a finger at my feet, the indentation stays for a while. My sister, who is in nursing school, checked them out and said that it's not dangerous. My blood pressure is still really good, so I'm not worried, just uncomfortable. I am now home, resting, before I have to get back up to cook dinner. Well, I don't have to, but I want to. Maybe this sudden spurt of energy means I am close to labor? Probably not. I am making a Mexican casserole tonight since James won't be working late (he has worked late every night for the last 2 weeks). He's in grad school and also is managing a project at work, so he's been trying to get ahead so he can take off 10 days when baby girl arrives. At this rate, it'll be summer by then and he can just use vacation hours!

I picked up a natural labor inducer at GNC the other day. At first, I couldn't wait to take it, but now I am having second thoughts. It's called black cohosh and it's been used for centuries as a natural way to induce labor. Many midwives use it, but I still am a little hesitant to take something without asking my doctor (who won't be back in the office until Monday.) I really thought that just because he went out of town, I'd be more likely to go into labor. I thought the same thing with going out of town myself yesterday, but no such luck.

Tonight, hubby and I will be enjoying a homecooked meal (we have had so much carry-out lately) and watching a quiet movie at home. We will also be trying a few other labor-inducing activities (wink, wink) and enjoying the thunderstorms predicted for tonight. Maybe bad storms will tempt fate enough to put me in labor because it will make getting to the hospital more stressful. Man, I'm really looking for ANY reason to get this thing started!

Anyone know anything about black cohosh?

Shower #3

Today, we had our third and final shower from James's co-workers. It was supposed to be Monday, but someone at work passed away, so they were at the funeral and had to reschedule. We got some lovely gifts, surprisingly, all stuff we needed. We have gotten so much already, I was worried that we'd get some doubles, but we got some new stuff: Baby Einstein DVD's, a rattle, disposable diaper bags, candles/lotion for me, a mirror that attaches to the side of the crib, a dress for when she's a bit older, and more. One of the neatest things was this "bouquet" made from lacey socks. As much as I want to use them, I'll keep it the way it is for now. It's a cute decoration! I wish I was more creative.

Tomorrow, my mom is planning to take me to Peachtree City, a suburb of Atlanta for Thai food (maybe the spices will activate some contractions) and shopping. If I am fortunate enough to go into labor in the 5 hours we are gone, we can be home in 90 minutes tops. Maybe going out of town will tempt fate enough to put me in labor? :-)

38.5 week appointment

Once again, my OBGYN appointment was fairly uneventful. No change since last time. How is this possible? It's been at least 2.5 weeks and nothing! My doctor is out of town today, so the nurse practicioner checked me. She said that when my doctor returns on Monday, he is going to strip my membranes on Monday. She said that if labor is close, it'll help me out. I'll be 39.5 weeks at the time, so I sure hope so. I'm really hoping not to even need my membranes swept because things will have happened on their own. The bladder spasms I have been feeling are like horrible menstrual cramps all the time. The nurse said that I have a retro-inverted cervix, which is making the pressure from baby girl much worse. I almost can't stand it anymore. They still want to induce me next week, but I can't get over the fact that it's unnatural. If my body was ready, it'd do it on its own. Hopefully I won't need to make the decision.

In case you are interested, here are a bunch of nursery pictures. I have also added them to my sidebar.

Even bigger feet and pee-pee

I am dead tired, but I knew if I didn't post today, that some people would assume baby girl was on her way (as if I were that lucky). I laid low today after church and lunch at grandma's because my feet were more swollen than ever before. I really should've taken a picture. They were shocking--still are pretty big! After keeping them up for a few hours and drinking lots of fluids, I spent 30 minutes trying on shoes (even Birkenstocks were too tight!) and finally settled on some old sneakers, which I was barely able to tie. My mom and I went for a mile-long power walk in the hopes of coaxing baby girl out of my belly. Not sure if it will work. I did, however, get her moving and she has settled on some nerve that is giving me strange sensations in my butt and leg. Hmmmm..... Then mom and I went to Sonic and the grocery store, where the check-out woman asked if I was having a girl. I smiled and said "yes." She came out from behind the counter to get a better look at me and remarked at how low I was carrying. "You really have dropped!" is what she said.

I am re-thinking this whole "I don't want an induction" thing because there is so much pressure on my bladder. It hurts! I am seriously peeing 8 times a night, leaving me with no sleep. My short segments of sleep after baby girl comes will probably be more restful than what I get now! I am miserable. I am almost scared to drink anything and I am so thirsty. I have almost peed my pants several times in the last few days. It just comes out! Puleeeese pray for me to have her soon. It's not just an impatient thing. I am seriously uncomfortable. I can't wear shoes and I am considering buying some Depends. *sigh*

Any recommendations (even old wives tales are fine) on how I can get this labor thing started?