Teatopia

Eeeewwww!

Olivia just pooped on her little potty for the first time ever. While we were in the other room getting the camera to take a picture for Daddy, the poodle had himself a little snack. Yep, he ate the poop.

That pretty much sums up my day.

Irritated

I got home from the store today to find my mailbox in pieces on the curb. Yep, someone crashed into it. Trouble is, it's a special, and VERY expensive uniform mailbox required by our Home Owner's Association. Thankfully, the woman who did it left her number, but she lives out of state and didn't return my calls today. I'm worried I scared her off with my msg about it being a "special" mailbox and having to wait to give her the price until I hear from my HOA. She mentioned in her note that she'd get the post fixed, but the whole thing is broken, so she needs to fix the whole thing. I don't even know if my HOA can get certain parts of it. I might have to order brand new everything. It's turned into a big deal. I'll have to order a new one from them, and then find someone to install it. James isn't here and shouldn't have to fool with it anyway. We didn't do it. It broke off at ground level, so the concrete part has to be dug out before a new one can be put in the ground. I'm also thinking she'll fight the price if she even calls me back. I was told the cost is as much as an all-brick mailbox, and aren't they at least several hundred?

I am so impatient to get this resolved because the post office won't deliver my mail until it's fixed, which means I have to go to the post office every day to get my mail. It doesn't help I have several packages of baby stuff coming this week that I ordered. It could take weeks for the stupid mailbox to be ordered or custom created or whatever they do so everyone's is the same and has the community logo.

I expected the woman to return my call today who hit it. I also contacted several members of the HOA this morning and heard nothing back this evening.

I e-mailed the president of the HOA tonight and said politely that I am nearing the end of a high-risk pregnancy (which is true, even though I'm not having too many problems) and that I need this fixed asap. It's not convenient to have to go somewhere else to get my mail each day, and I can't just fix it on my own since it's a mandated mailbox.

If you saw how swollen my feet are, you'd understand my annoyance with all this. My sister (a nurse) took one look at my feet this evening and told me I had no business even leaving my house. Tomorrow I have to go file a stupid police report just to make sure the woman pays for it. I'm sure she isn't anticipating a huge cost, but I sure as hell didn't hit it, so even if it's $800, she broke it and needs to fix it.

And just to show you why I'm so irritated, here are my feet. Oh, and Olivia's too. She asked me what I was doing, and when I told her I was taking a picture of my foot, she wanted in on it, too. :-)

Un-freaking-believable. I never had swelling like this with Olivia. I usually have narrow, skinny feet-- so skinny in fact that shoes gape on me. Look at the size of my toes compared to my toenails. It's disgusting. And my feet are all itchy and peeling from stretching out so much. Even my slippers are tight.

Crap.

I'm still alive, but I think I'm losing my mind. Things with the house are nuts. We want to move in this Saturday as planned, but we're not sure that's going to happen. The AC system isn't currently working, and although it was agreed it would be fixed when we closed, there's a lot more wrong than we thought. We're having to go through our realtor to see who is going to cover it and how. Our home warranty might, but the previous owners have some responsibility, but we also think it might still be under a manufacturer's warranty considering the house is only 3 years old. It's a mess.

On a good note, the fence is up, the house is almost totally painted in all the colors we love, and the carpet is nearly done. Let's just say, money is getting tight with all that we're doing, but when all is said and done, everything is going to feel so fresh and new.

Ok, now more bad news. I failed my glucose test. I had a bad feeling I would since I barely made it last time. My midwife really doubts I have gestational diabetes, but I still have to spend Monday morning (after a crazy weekend of moving) and the doctor's for nearly 4 hours. I just hope Olivia is ok since she'll be feeling out of place in the new home and would rather be with Mommy than Daddy.

The other bad news is that I might have MRSA. I have a welt on my thigh the size of silver dollar and it's one of the more painful things I've ever experienced. It was cultured on Monday, but we won't know the results until next week. The drugs they gave me aren't working either, which isn't making it look too good. Please keep me in your prayers. If I do indeed have MRSA, it's a dangerous thing when you're pregnant because the drugs that are best for it are harmful to the baby.

I'm trying to take deep breaths. Anyone want to come over and massage my feet?

All hell's breaking loose

Well, we are less than a day away from closing and things are going wrong left and right. Everytime my phone rings, I think, WHAT NOW???

First, and this isn't the biggest problem by far, the people were supposed to be out this weekend, but they didn't get their stuff out in time, so now I've had to schedule all the work people (fence, carpet, paint, etc) for later. Now, everything won't be done in time for us to move in.

There's a problem with our old house that already closed. When the buyers had their inspector come through, he found a window that needed to be replaced but wasn't clear which one when he wrote it down, and then the guy we hired to fix it fixed the wrong one. It's one of those things that isn't really anyone's fault because the inspector wrote down the left window and the repair guy thought it was the left one facing the house, and it was the left one if you're inside. You get it. Well, the buyers chose not to have the repairs re-inspected during closing to save money and therefore waived their right to make sure things were fixed before closing, but they want us to pay for the correct window which they didn't catch during their final walk-thru. It was an obvious enough mistake that they noticed it on their own yesterday. NOT MY PROBLEM. I already paid to have one replaced.

The people didn't fix the repairs in our new house that the inspector found. They tried to do the fixes themselves and made them worse. Apparently, they think they are plumbers and electricians. they actually cut tons of wires in the attic instead of repairing them????? And instead of fixing the leaking motor in the jacuzzi, they unplugged it. Idiots. We close tomorrow and the house needs lots of work. Much more than it would've had they hired professionals to begin with.

When I went to get my cashier's check for the closing tomorrow, I withdrew the money from savings since that's where it was being held. The stupid lady withdrew the money from my checking, severely overdrafting my account (and bouncing several things) and now there's a freaking hold on my checking and nothing I can do about it until tomorrow. I need money tonight to pick up the paint. I guess that's what credit cards are for.

GRRRR.........

It's my blog and I can cry if I want to . . .

Still happy about the settlement, but . . .

I'm not sure that I've mentioned it, but I got the cold from hell sometime before Christmas and it hasn't completely left me yet. I've been coughing since then and it's been driving me nuts. Just when I thought it was a little better, I've caught something else. And nothing-- NOTHING-- on my approved medicines list is helping at all.

Last night though, I found something that definitely had an effect on me. It didn't clear my nose, but it kept me laying awake for nearly 4 hours last night. I was tired, but I absolutely could not fall asleep and my mind was racing from the stress of not being able to sleep and from everything else we've got going on. I couldn't stop thinking about the listings my real estate agent sent us, like this one: (too lazy to make pics the same size)

I tried to imagine how our furniture would fit in the houses we like and I was stumped over exactly what to do with 2 living rooms, as most houses we like seem to have. Who has a formal living room with 2 babies? I kept imagining whether having a pool would be totally awesome or too much work and a danger for kids and dogs. Still not sure...

I also thought about everything I need to do today to get ready for the realtor tonight. She's coming to look at our house and put a price tag on it. I'm worried she'll tell us to change a bunch of things, and I know I'll just cry if I have to worry about painting or re-arranging. It just seems like too much right now. James is already driving me nuts with everything he wants to do, which would have our house ready for the market sometime next year! I want this house sold and gone before the baby comes because it'll be so much harder after he's here. I won't be able to straighten up as easily, and there will be swings and bouncy seats out, not to mention-- where will all his clothes and things go? I don't want to worry about creating a nursery and finding a place to move James's office, further cluttering our house, just to move a month or so later.

Today, I really need to be working in the house, but all I want to do is lay on the couch. I can't freaking breathe! Even eating and drinking makes me gag because I'm breathing from my mouth and I can't when there's something in it. My nose is totally clogged. Did I mention that everytime I cough or sneeze, I pee? Yep. Even if I've just gone, which I can assure you was no more than 5 minutes before. I swear I got up at least twice an hour last night to pee. How many calories do you think I burned walking back and forth last night to the bathroom? My guess it, enough to order whipped cream at Starbucks today (that is, if I have the energy to go. A white mocha sounds so good right now).

If I was still teaching, this would be a day to pop in a grammar video and sit at my desk, detention slips ready to go for any student who continued talking after their 3rd warning. I so would've done that. It would've been quiet and I could've sat there and felt miserable. Instead, I'm spending my day with a hyper toddler, who I love to death, but who no doubt will have had me draw Santa Claus at LEAST 30 times before James comes home because that's still her favorite thing (we've tried to explain he's gone until next year, but she doesn't care). In fact, last night she held a wipe up to her chin, yelling, "Look, Mommy! Have white beard!" and in a low, funny voice, she said, "Merry Christmas!!!!" How's that for cute? We have a smart little girl! I'll probably spend my day changing the diaper of every single doll and stuffed animal in the house because as Olivia says, "It pooped again, Mommy! I'll get diaper!"

I'll leave you with this: would you buy a house with a pool? Before you say, "heck yes!!" be sure to think about safety issues and maintenance and all that. It sure would be neat to say, "Hey! Pool party at our house!"

Ok, off to pee and blow my nose. Again.

Tease

I've been anxiously waiting for the snow to start falling, and so far, nada. The weather man forcasted it, but he's a big fat liar! :)I haven't seen snow since we lived in Maryland and it's totally depressing.

I'll bet a lot of you have seen snow this winter, haven't you? Care to share?

Karen's Revenge

After a tossing and turning all night because of my sciatic nerve and acid reflux, I dragged myself out of bed so we could head into Alabama. I go to Alabama at least once a week for my moms group's bible study, and sometimes other days for playdates. Alabama is as close to us here as Virginia was to Maryland when I lived in the DC area. I can be over the bridge and across the state line in 12 minutes, and then it's another 10-20 minutes (depending on whose house I'm going to) of gorgeous country driving and we're there.

This morning, due to illness, there were only two of us, my friend Kellie and I, and of course, Olivia. We had a nice time this morning and Olivia played with Kellie's daughter's toys since she was at school this morning. Kellie and I talked a lot about our mom's group and how much we love it, and how much more connected we feel to each other now that we started this smaller group-- I'm assistant organizer of our Christian group. Kellie is still in the other one, but mostly does stuff with this one. Anyway, she told me something this morning that just burned me up. I'm trying to look at it in a positive way, but I'm still pretty peeved.

Remember all this? Well, in case you don't and don't have time to re-read all of it, in a nut shell, several of us branched off to form a Christian group because the other one was not supportive of us wanting to have a bible study, but they thought it was fine to have s_ex toy parties. Of course, there was more to it than that (you can read down the bulleted list in the post I linked to). Anyway, Karen has made our parting an unpleaseant experience even though I thought I left on a good note, telling her that I really enjoyed her group but wanted to be free to bring God into everything, and she was cool with that. Although I try not to get caught up in gossip, I'll admit to feeling a little annoyed by all the things people have told me Karen has said. She seems to feel threatened by all other groups and has been kind of petty about it. The silly thing is, we're a much smaller group (she has 200, we currently have 16) and we're not competing with her.

So, finally, what ticked me off this morning is that Kellie told me about Karen starting a Christian aspect to her group, with threads on the msg board for bible discussion, verses, and prayer. I'm trying to look at this as a good thing because obviously, involving God is always awesome and I think positive things will come of this. I'm not complaining there. What makes me irritated beyond belief are her motives. She is admittedly NOT a Christian (I think she was raised Jewish) and for a while would not even let us put our bible study on the calendar because it wasn't a Christian mom's group and people "had complained." Then when we left so we could openly be Christians and have our bible study, she got mad and said we were judgmental and that we must not think her group was good enough. Well now, look who's soooo freaking eager to bring back the Christian stuff because she sees people coming to our group for good family fun. I know her. She feels threatened. Again, I think God will use this for good, but I'm mad at her because she's such a sell out. Why can't she let us be? Why can't she enjoy her HUGE group and all her publicity and articles in local papers and group discounts and all that crap and leave us alone? Why can't she stop making this a contest and under-handedly doing things to take away from our little group? She actually asks people who are in both groups to report back to her about what's going on. They've told me! I couldn't care less about her group, except that she's a thorn in our side. We should be able to co-exist in this town.

I'm just going to continue to pray for our group and its protection. When we're so small already, and it's sad that she's being such a bully. She really needs to get a life, because apparently, having 200 some people in her group isn't enough to keep her happy or occupied. Lucky for me, I'm thankful for my 16. :-)

Losing My Mind

Lately, things have been stressful to say the least. There are times I think I'll simply lose my mind because of everything going on, and other times, I feel God's peace and I'm thankful for the blessings in my life-- and there are many.

My mom hasn't been doing so well. She's having trouble keeping up with her exercises and she's in terrible pain. I've watched people in my family have knee replacements before. There is a rare condition in my family that causes leg deformities (I'm not a carrier) so leg surgeries are nothing new, but my mom's was extremely complicated because of the severe nature of her deformities. From the outside, her legs have always looked fairly normal besides off-center knee caps, but inside, the bones are not formed properly and she's missing parts. It's going to be a long recovery.

My grandma finds out tomorrow whether or not she has cancer, pre-cancer, or something completely different. If she has cancer, I will be devestated. Few people I've ever known are as close to their grandmas as I am. I talk to her every single day. I see her several times a week, at least 4. I have never lived more than 15 minutes from her my entire life, no matter what state we were in. She is a second mother to me. I tell her everything. How many teenages do you know who talk to their grandmothers about their boyfriends? She has always been my advice giver. Seeing her with Olivia brings tears to my eyes. I know she has to go someday, but I'm not ready. She has to get to know this new baby. I am terrified. Please pray for her.

I'm trying to juggle family duties (and taking care of a high-maintenance toddler) and be a good organizer of my Christian mom's group. It's been a rough start, and although I have been diligent about not saying anything negative (besides on my blog) about the group I left (Karen's group), rumors are flying. It would take me a million years to get into everything, but I'm very confused and angry as to why our shared members (people who are in our group and Karens) have no problem with Karen talking about us behind our backs all the time (many people have told me what she says) yet people are mad at me and my co-organizer for, in their words, judging Karen. Because we left to start a Christian group, they think we must be judgmental of her and her group because it wasn't good enough. People will find fault in anything. It just makes me mad because my co-organizer and I have been so careful not to say anything negative about Karen or her group so we could keep a clean, Christian reputation, and it hasn't made any difference. People assume the worst anyway. We've been praying hard for our group, and things are better. The people who just wanted drama are gone, and the ones left are awesome, Christian moms with awesome kids. Before I end this topic, I have to say one thing that gave me just a little satisfaction, even if it's wrong to feel this way. Karen has tried hard to eliminate any group in the area but hers. I've heard her say things about other groups in the past, so I have no doubt she hates ours, too. She "coincidentally" schedules events at the same time as ours, and yesterday, she scheduled an event at the library at the same time as ours. We couldn't be sure she did it on purpose, but it's a safe bet. Well, when we got there, she was arguing with the library because she wanted her "usual" room, the one we were in. They explained that we booked it first, so really, by scheduling her event at the same time, she screwed herself out of her room. Maybe she learned something. I can proudly say that I've done nothing to hurt her or her group and I don't see it as a competition. I don't want her members. I left them for a reason. :-) If I only have a few members who are kind, drama-free people, I'll be thrilled.

I think all the stress and physical stuff I've been doing (cleaning, helping my mom, baking for friends and family, carrying heavy packages to the post office) has caused me to spot again. It's light, and there's no cramping or dark red blood. The doctor assures me all is well with the little one (and I think I'm feeling flutters maybe), but I know I'm doing too much. I wish I had a day to myself. Tomorrow night, I'm going with some friends to see "The Business of Being Born" hosted by our local birth network, so I'm excited about that. It might help me make some decisions about the birth I want this time.

In Olivia news, she is as funny as ever.

She insists regularly that she "pegnant" and says "Have beebee in my tummeeeee." She tells me she loves me all time time and that I'm pretty. Then she says, "eeeya (she calls herself this) pretty, too!" She calls Santa everyday on her pretend phone and tells him she wants a dolly. It makes me tear-up seeing her do all these things. Her vocabulary continues to amaze me. She's speaking better than most 2 year olds I know. The pediatrician assures us she's extremely advanced. :-) I just need to remind myself all kids learn at different paces and this next one might be totally different. I'm guessing that unlike Olivia, he/she will walk early and talk much later and be the total opposite.

We find out the sex in a week and a half. Don't forget to vote.

Well, that concludes this update. Time for bed...

If I wasn't pregnant...

this probably wouldn't bother me so much. Well, maybe it would, but I wouldn't feel the need to sound off on my blog.

Ok, here goes.

I am SOOOOO sick and tired of people bringing sick kids to things. Obviously, you can't stay confined to your house, but have some consideration. Daycares don't allow sick kids, so why do people think it's ok to bring their hacking child to Sunday School? Or a kid covered in a rash to a playgroup? For the past several weeks at church, there have been sick kids every week. A few weeks back, a girl came to the nursery with pink eye. PINK EYE! As in a nasty, gooey and runny eye. I spotted it immediately and so we couldn't leave Olivia in the nursery because the girl had already touched a gazillion toys. Then yesterday, I truly believe a little girl had bronchitis. She hacked and hacked these nasty, mucus-filled coughs from her chest all over my child's face. A few weeks back, a mom in my moms' group brought her son to an event and he was covered with a rash. We thought it was poison ivy or something, but when another mom questioned her, she "relieved" us by telling us that no, he didn't have poison ivy, it was just strep throat. Like that's better?

I didn't mention this because it's totally gross, but a few weeks ago, we found that both Olivia and I had lice. Yes, lice. Courtesy of yet another person who shouldn't have been somewhere they were, although I guess it's possible they didn't know they had it. We immediately went into confinement, washed everything in the house, cleaned furniture, dry-cleaned comforters, vacummed our cars, and did not one, but TWO lice treatments on both of us. Worst of all were the agonizing hours spent leaning over while James practically pulled my hair out combing it with the nit come. They were gone within a day or two, but we stuck close to home for several days just to be sure. I was considerate (and totally grossed out and embarrased). Although I must point out, it has nothing to do with hygiene. We all bathe every day, but it makes no difference.

I'm not one of those moms who freaks out about germs (well, maybe a little) but I do want her to build immunites. However, I'm not going to purposely subject her to a child who has something terribly uncomfortable like pink eye. A common cold is one thing, but I don't want a kid with a gross chest cough hacking on my child's face. That's just nuts. It's especially bad when they're now saying kids under 2 can't have cold medicine. I'd rather she wasn't miserable thank you very much.

It just bothers me how inconsiderate people are. In my new moms' group, we have a much-needed policy about bringing sick kids, but in church, no one says anything. I know they think I'm neurotic because if there is a kid with an obvious illness (we're not talking a crusty nose), I won't leave her. I don't care. I'd rather not throw her to the wolves.

Ok, stepping off my soapbox now. Thanks for listening.

Why?

Can someone please tell me why the balance in my checkbook NEVER matches what the bank says, even when I've gone through EVERY SINGLE STATEMENT and checked off my records against theirs?

And can you please hit me for not living as frugally* as I am now? It's amazing how much money I could have saved and/or used to pay stuff like loans when we had 2 incomes. I could kick myself!

*Is this even a real word???

Idiots abound around here (and some good things too)

V nice day today, with a couple exceptions.

Met with the mom's group again at Monkey Joe's. It's like Chuck-e-Cheese, but all the play things are inflatable, like a million different types of moonbounces so no one gets hurt! I went on everything with Olivia and held her. She had a blast playing with the other babies and bouncing up and down. I had a good time talking with the ladies (about our labors, what we feed our kids, about the hubbies, etc). But then . . .

I accidently kind of threw some kid off this one play thing. I say accidentally, but it was more like instinctually and on purpose because she was about to knock out my kid. OK, first of all, why don't people watch their children? There were a million kids jumping on people, acting irresponsibly, falling down, pushing peopls, and the moms were off in the sitting area gossiping. None of these moms were in my group thank goodness. This one little girl, who was probably 4-- old enough to know better, kept trying to get on this inflatable dinosaur while Olivia was sitting on it. Her mom was nowhere in sight and the girl came close to jumping on my baby several times, so I took Olivia off (we were in the middle of trying to take pictures) and waited until the girl left. Then, I wedged Olivia in the inflatable dinosaur and got my camera. In a matter of 2 seconds, the little girl nose-dived on the dinosaur and came about 2 inches from not only landing on my child, but headbutting her. Oh no you don't! I didn't have time to un-wedge Olivia, so I pushed the girl off the dinosaur, surely saving them both from concussions and saving her mom not only medical bills, but also my fist from hitting her in the face! The girl honestly could've killed Olivia with how hard she was coming down on her. The area under the dinosaur was inflated, so it's not like the girl would've gotten hurt at all!

After Monkey Joes's we all had lunch. Man, do these girls eat out! I can't afford to keep going out like this, and I wonder how they can? They're all stay at home moms too. Most of them are army wives, but my hubby is an engineer, so he makes good money too. Everyone there is so nice. This one mom, we'll call her German girl, (like GFF's Australia girl) is so much fun to talk to and her baby has the fattest cheeks ever! This other mom, with a really pretty, unusual name, has a 13 month old daughter who is so tiny and dainty, and gorgeous!

Next was voting time, and everyone joked that Olivia was the youngest voter that day. Some schmuck came up and asked how old my little boy was (yes, my little boy wearing the pink sweater which you can see below) and I know I gave him a look. I didn't even mean to, but he was like the 3rd one there to ask about my "boy." Hello??? Is everyone blind? He quickly said, "or is it a girl?" and I told him that she was. So then he has the nerve to tell me that she looks like a boy. Who freaking says that? She looks like a boy? Um, I don't think so. I should've told him he looked like an ass.

Her sticker says "Georgia Voter"

So off we go to Target and I bled through my clothes! GRRRR . . . I miss the days of not having a period!!! Nasty, nasty!

Later this evening, I finally stopped being a tight wad and let Olivia play with some food. I am way too neat and I need to get over it. I gave her some banana and let her wipe it everywhere. Good times people, good times!

Too Damn Hot

You know it's too damn hot when there are still lizards in your yard in mid-October. I tried to take a picture of one, but he ran away.

Come over here to see why I'm the worst mother in the whole world. The dreaded has finally happened.

Anyone know any sites that host pictures for free? Kodak is about to dump me unless I buy something. Help! BTW, 6 month pictures are on the sidebar!

Shattered Hopes

Last night, I posted that I thought I had lost some weight, that I was looking better. Well, not good enough.

While MF and I were power walking with our strollers today, this couple stopped us, and the man looked at MF and said, "You did not have that big baby!" Huh? What about me? What about my even bigger baby? I guess it came as no surprise that I could have a large baby.

At least she didn't gush over the compliment. She said, "yep, I did" and gave me a funny look as the couple walked away. She is the greatest and she's not one of those "skinny friends" that I mind having, but today, being with her, hearing that comment, made me feel really, really big.

Mama's got a brand new job

So my SUV has had these crazy lights flashing at me on the dashboard. Driving my car has been like being at a disco . . . I took my car in this morning, but they couldn't find anything. When I got it back, the warning lights had stopped. Then later, as I was driving on the highway, they started up again and then my spedometer shot down to zero mph even though I was still going 60. Then, the gas gauge went to empty and then back up. I headed back over to Saturn and they were able to hook it up to a machine and diagnose the problem. We have a powertrain warranty and an extended warrenty, so I wasn't worried. Turns out this is like the one thing that isn't covered (naturally). So, $320 later (and that's after James had to purchase a new computer this month because his went caput) . . .

I can now be found on the corner of Victory Drive showing off my enormous milk-filled tata's and letting my hair wig blow in the breeze, hoping for a few customers.

On a more realistic note, I know God never gives you more than you can handle, but things financially just seem a little nuts right now. *trying really hard to have faith*

The hair. It continues to fall out.

I got the results back from my blood work. All is normal. I was kind of hoping I did have a thyrpid problem because then a little medication would stop the hair loss. Now, instead, I'll just have to wait up to a year for it to run its course. And even worse, Olivia has made it her goal in life to pull out the only strands I have left.

Anyone know where I can purchase a decent wig??? Because that's where I'm headed.

Someone please tell me where I can find the nearest bridge

I am so angry right now I could scream!!! I don't usuall blog about really personal things, but if I don't, I'm going to explode!!!

I am so tired of James telling me to go back to work when I tell him how frustrated I am with my new life. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being with Olivia, but as any SAHM knows, it can be downright exhausting. She never takes a nap longer than 20 minutes, she screams if I'm not constantly interracting with her, and it's hard. But that's not why I'm mad. I'm tired of hearing James tell me what a privledge it is for me to be home-- like it's all for me instead of my daughter. In many ways, my job was easier because I had some down time during the day. Would we have gone down to one income for just me? No. Did he forget that we decided this so Olivia wouldn't get stuck in daycare? He acts like he works so hard at work and school, which he does, but so do I! I rarely ever have any free time-- less than him in fact. My job is 24 hours a day!

The truth is, I think I've been suffering some from after baby blues, but I've totally avoided the topic, I guess out of pride. This is a public blog, and I know James's family reads it to see pictures of Olivia. I guess when I started it, I never realized what an outlet it would become for me, so we shared the URL with family and friends. Oh well. I have nothing to hide. I feel like I have no identity besides being a mom and I can barely look at myself in the mirror. And with her teething pretty badly, I feel helpless and inadequate because no matter what I do, she still cries a lot. I joined a gym, which I didn't mention, because I knew I wouldn't get to go and then I'd feel stupid, which is exactly what has happened. James is so busy with grad school and work that whenever I ask him, which albeit is usually at the last minute, he's busy. And he's re-landscaping the yard, which I've wanted done for 2 years, so I'm not even going to stop him. So it's not really his fault, it just is what it is.

How can I feel so unhappy when I have a beautiful baby girl who I love to pieces? How can this be?

And why is my husband's phone turned off when I need to talk to him? We don't fight much, but we did today when he came home from lunch. I was in a bad mood. I don't feel well at all, and it's nothing that'll go away. First of all, I am anemic, at least I think I am. I had the heaviest period EVER a couple of days ago and it totally drained me. And considering I'm right back to my 23 day cycle, I felt like I was just recovering from the one that had ended a mere 2 weeks before. And I have a health condition which I've never talked about in which there is chronic infection in parts of my body, for which I've had surgery before, and it's been terrible since I gave birth. Part of me wonders if my body can't fight it because I am so tired and maybe also because I give Olivia my antibodies through my milk? Just a theory. Anyway, I am so tired all the time and I feel like, as I said once before, I am drowning.

And my husband has turned off him phone after I yelled at him at lunch. I really needed to talk to him, to hear that things are ok. I know they are, but I need to hear it.

I feel like such a bad mom for writing any of this, like I should be totally ecstatic all the time. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me? I don't always feel like this. It seems to come and go, but right now, it's definitely here.

This world

I am so weary of turning on the news, only to hear that there's been another terrorist bombing, more conflict in the Middle East. Will it ever end? It seems like our enemies are joining forces: Iran has been involved with some of the nuclear weapons testing in North Korea, Venezuela is talking to someone else who doesn't like us (can't remember who). It all terrifies me. What's that expression about having your hand in too many pots or something? Is that even a real expression? Anyway, I heard today that that many people are worried that while we're dealing with all this mess in the Middle East, we are vulnerable and someone might attack us while we're busy looking the other way. What happened this morning with the terrorists and the planes scares me. It's only getting worse. Worse and worse. I also heard that Cuba warned us that we best not stick our nose in their business right now. *sigh*

In many ways, I'm proud to live in a free country where we try to help others, but I also hate living in a place where we are caught up in so much controversy. I envy those living in neutral, safe places..

This is about as political as I get. I'm just scared, and turning on the TV only reinforces these feelings. I in no way mean to start a political debate (Republican v. Democrat, etc), but what are your thoughts on all this? Are you scared? Do you ignore it? Are you an avid news-watcher?

This one's full of complaints

Last night, I attempted to do some crunches to try and get my stomach back to it's original form. I couldn't get up. One crunch was agony. I have no stomach muscles anymore. I managed to do 15, but there was a lot of moaning and groaning as I forced myself up.

And have I menioned the stretchmarks? Oh, the stretchmarks! I even have them below my knees (keep in mind I gained like 18 pounds) Un-freakin-believable. I am ruined. And someone please explain to me why, after losing my baby weight, I still can't fit ANY of my clothes. I am wearing maternity jeans 11 week post-partum. Pathetic, I know. I try not to think about it. In fact, I thought about cutting out the tags that say "maternity" just to make myself feel better.

And now, for the latest--

I have a huge, painful lump between my boobs. I went to the doctor and found out that I have a cyst in my oil glands, probably from an over production of oil due to my hormones (I'm even getting pregnancy complications after my pregnancy!). I have been applying heat to it to try and shrink it, but it looks like I'll need surgery to remove it. It hurts like hell and is most inconvenient for breastfeeding. Pooh.

It's Happening . . . Again

I woke up this morning totally hating where I live-- not my house, but the town. Hell, let's face it, the whole state practically (although I LOVE Atlanta!). I dreamed last night that we got some new shopping centers here with neat, trendy stores, and most importantly, a Starbucks. There were also more ethnic restaurants too. :-) (I'm sure this came from the fact that we went for Korean last night-- one of the ONLY ethnic restaurants here!). Even more depressing, James doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get OUT! I know he needs to finish his master's and that's totally fine. But then, we are SO GONE!

The school system here sucks, and this is my lively hood. We are ranked like #49 out of 50 states, which is pretty bad. What was I thinking moving here? Ok, so I wanted to be close to my parents and I still do, but I also can't stand it here. I have the day ahead of me (well, most of it) and nothing I realy want to do. Someone come kidnap me please! You can take me anywhere and I'll even PAY you!

More Info: James has a year and a half I think and then we're hoping to move to Charlotte, NC. My family wants to go too, so we'll all move together like we did down here.

So NOT Off to a Good Start!

Ok, so it is not even 11:00 and it seems as if everything has gone wrong. Ok, so maybe it really has!

As you can imagine, the last week of school is crazy anyway, but half my team is out sick and subs are hard to find this week. No one is crazy enough, or stupid enough, to try and handle these kids the last week! One sub, bless her heart, barely speaks English and she looks terrified. The other sub didn't show, so we are having to divide up the kids among those of us who are here. Oh, and we had an awards ceremony this morning, which changed the schedule around completely, so I have no planning~ not even a one minute break ALL DAY! And I got my period this morning (another joy). I have awful cramps.

And we are scheduled to eat lunch 2 1/2 hours late and I am already hundgry!

I left the house earlier than usual and rushed to get here because the absent teachers (3 total) would not be here to present their awards, so the rest of us had to divide them up. As I was at a stoplight, my car shut off. I turned on my flashers, ready to scream and cry, and tried to re-start my car. Finally, it turned back on. Victoria is usually very good to me (yes, my car has a name). I hope it was just a fluke-- maybe I was idling too low or something? My car isn't old and we take good care of it.

I will be so happy to have this day behind me. I am thinking good thoughts of summer~ of South Africa and sleeping in!

Dread

It is perfectly natural for a parent to think that their child is near perfect, but it is not natural to expect others to feel the same way. Remember this situation? I am meeting with him again in 13 minutes. Lord help me! Why won't this man leave me in peace! Grrrr . . .

Update: Ok, so it wasn't so bad. He had some questions that were not at all offensive. I guess I was justified in freaking out. I'm just thankful that things went ok! Thanks for the kind words. :-)

Uncertainty

The thing about a blog is that it's a space to share thoughts and feelings-- to vent, but sometimes it's hard to decide what to put out there and what to keep to myself. I've gotten so comfortable with having my own space to write, and whereas I used to keep a diary, I find comfort in knowing that someone out there is reacting and repsponding to what I've written. So my issue is, I am trying to decide is I want to even try to blog about controversial issues . . . Because this is my own space, I'm gonna take a risk here and blog about something that bothers me professionally and personally: prejudice (not from me though)

Growing up in Washington, D.C., I was raised surrounded by a myriad of cultures. I love that about my former home, but here in the south it is so completely different. Everyone knows I love other cultures and there isn't a prejudice bone in my body, but at work, it is constantly an issue. I teach mostly really rough black kids and they seem to make everything about race, as do their parents. Why do people have to play that card? A parent today implied that maybe I was prejudiced because I punished her son. Yep, uh huh, she's right. I just decided to send him to the office for kicks and on the office referral under reason, I wrote "because he's black." Yep, she guessed. WHAT THE &*^%$? What is wrong with people? If you change a kid's seat because they are talking, you must've done it because they're black. It couldn't be that they were talking too much. Nooooooo . . . I AM NOT PREJUDICED! My best friend in Maryland is black. She is wonderful, classy, amazing. Prejudiced people are prejudiced against anyone in that race. I admit, most of my black kids are rough, but I have many white kids who are too. I punish them too. Why are some black people so paranoid that we are discriminating against them?

At work, every, and I repeat, every black teacher in the school (about 10) went to the principal to complain that there wasn't a single black teacher in the faculty talent show. Well, that's because none signed up. And they were upset that none of the judges for the student talent show were black. Um, the sign up sheet was on the door folks. If you weren't so busy looking for people to acccuse of being prejudiced, maybe you would've seen the sign-up sheets by our mail boxes for the last week and a half. IT WAS VOLUNTARY! NO ONE IS DISCRIMINATING! (Can you tell I'm peeved about this?)

The bottom line is, I think half the problems with people being prejudiced down here has nothing to do with whites disliking blacks because from what I've seen, it's white people getting tired of being accused when everything is cool. Please don't try to put thoughts in my head and words in my mouth because then I really am going to be mad. I have nothing against anyone here and if I could go back to the wonderful world of diversity in D.C. where people of all colors live in harmony, I would. Believe me.

Dear Jerk

Dear Jerk (aka my husband's boss),

In case you didn't realize, my husband has a life. Yes, I know he's completely wonderful and brilliant and you depend on him to do EVERYTHING, but guess what? I think he's wonderful too which is why it would be nice if he was HOME ONCE IN A WHILE. If my husband is head of his department, how about treating him with more respect by realizing that he has a life outside of work. Don't tell him he can hire another assistant and then change your mind. Don't tell him he's getting a lap top so he can work at home and then not buy one. You want him to get his master's degree since he's a boss, right? Then stop trying to prevent him from attending his classes by asking him to stay late. Stop expecting him to work weekends! I want my husband back! I'm realistic-- I know there will be late nights, but you are asking WAY too much and if you don't back off, you're gonna lose him and then you'll be SCREWED!

Sincerely,
The Angry Wife

P.S. Don't ever yell at my husband again about something that isn't his fault but in fact yours. Be a man and own up to your mistakes.

Well, that felt good! :-)

Mondays . . . Ugh.

I always feel such a sense of accomplishment once I have gotten through a Monday. I don't know why. It's not like they're that diferent that any other day of the week in terms of what I do, but I still loathe them (as I'm sure everyone does).

I like to map out my Mondays (or any day I know isn't going to be particularly good) because it gives me something to focus on besides the fact that it's another dreadful Monday. So, for today, here are my plans:

-- meet my friend after school for shopping and coffee (she's getting divorced and needs some girl time and she doesn't read my blog so I don't mind disclosing her situation)

-- read packet on South African trip which hopefully is arriving today (fingers crossed)

-- take long, hot bath and finish "The Lover" (it's a good, but weird, book)

-- make homemade tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches

-- watch "World Wire" on the Discovery Times Channel

Troubleshooting

Well, I had some dinner pics and recipes to share, but the pics are on my cell phone, which has decided it no longer wants to send e-mails. Actually, my cell isn't at fault, it's probably a server or something, but James and I are working to fix the problem. As Lisanne said the other day, if there's a problem with her blog, than she just doesn't feel right. I feel the same way! I want to post on my blog from my phone. Grrrr......

I'll try again tomorrow.

Jackass

Ok, today is crappy already.

Remember that situation I posted about a couple weeks back with the parent upset because I didn't choose his child for the spelling bee? I was only able to pick 2 kids out of ALL the students I teach, so I chose 2 kids that are really good spellers, one of which was the winner of the school spelling bee. He beat out the 8th graders. I obviously have good judgement. Anyway, I had a conference with this parent yesterday and I explained that although his son is bright, he's not one of my top 2. Top 10, yes, but not top 2. What I wanted to say was, "Sir, if your son couldn't even get into my honors class, do you really believe he's my best speller?"

I followed the procedure given to me by the person in charge of the spelling bee and my principal backs me . . . So why is this man going to the Superintendent about me? Because he's a *&%^$# jackass who can't accept that his kid ISN'T THE BEST!

Unbelievable Rudeness

After reading my friend Girl From Florida's post the other day, I had my own experience with unblievable rudeness. Yesterday, while shopping at Target, I ran into a man I used to work with. We were always close (he's an old family friend) and I was delighted to see him because it's been almost a year. He commented several times that I looked great and has lost weight, which made me feel good. A girl always loves to hear that she looks thin. :-) Anyway, he was with his long-time girlfriend, who I've never really cared for. She a braggart and she says everything she thinks. When I hugged her goodbye, she said, "nope. You're the same. You haven't lost weight."

Ok. I should've responded with something along the lines of "bitch" or "just because you're old and your boyfriend says I've lost weight . . ." I don't know what her deal was, but it was uncalled for. I have known her boyfriend since I was a child. He could be my grandfather-- in fact since I lost mine a few years ago, I've told him he's like my grandfather now. No need to be jealous and try to hurt my feelings.

James didn't hear her comment because he was talking to my friend, but when I told him, he said that she had commented to him how much weight he had gained, which he definitely hasn't-- at all! He's completely average.

What's wrong with people? If she thinks she's so wonderful, maybe she should try having some cooth. She'd get more people to like her that way.

Shame on Much of the World

I wish people in other countries would open their eyes to all that America does. Instead of bitching about us, appreciate us. You don't have to agree with all that we do. But acknowledge our aide and kindness. Yes, there are political differences between us and other nations, but I don't see many other countries helping or giving as much or as often as we do. People need to be more greatful. Some people should keep this quote in mind. "Never bite the hand that feeds you."

There, now I feel better. America may have its faults, but I am proud to live in a nation where we never turn our backs on those in need. Stop bitching and be thankful that America isn't as petty as some countries are.

Fall? Yeah Right!

Growing up in the north, we always had nice, cool weather by this time, but down here in the south it's still shorts weather. In fact, it's going up to 85 tomorrow! Not sure you heard me right? Yeah, I almost couldn't believe it myself.

So much for comforting hot tea. This is iced tea weather!

Closed

Closed: Vietnam Restaurant

Soon to be replaced by yet another country buffet.

At the risk of sounding nasty, there is no class in Columbus.

What's This World Coming To?

I am very upset because I am fairly sure that someone has been stealing stuff from our mailbox! What's wrong with people?

I started a week or so ago when I found that someone had placed an empty soda can in our mailbox. Assuming it was the kids across the street, I didn't pay much attention, but then last week, I assumed the mail had come because my flag was down and the bill inside gone. I had no mail, but I assumed our mailman had come. well, 3 hours later he came bringing a pile of mail. And, btw, our bill has not arrived at its destination yet, meaning it wasn't mailed but probably stolen.

Today: Our DVD from Netflix has not come when it was due last week. Could someone have stolen it? They are NEVER late. I think someone has been in our mailbox.

James thinks I shouldn't, but I am tempted to tell the kids across the street that if I catch them near my mailbox, I will call the cops in a heart beat. I want to scare the crap out of them. It was them, afterall, that made us have to deadbolt both our gates because they wouldn't get the heck out of our yard. They'd open our gate and go in.

I hope to goodness I'm wrong about this.

34 Hours and Counting . . .

My husband has been at work since 8:00 yesterday morning. Yes, you read that correctly- yesterday morning. I will try to be kind because he just might find the time to read this someday. I am furious that his company expects so much. Believe it or not, my husband actually has a life. I have never heard of anyone working this many hours at once. I am so pissed off. It's a combination of his work and my upcoming certain time of the month, but let me tell you, I am one minute from either bursting into tears or throwing something at the wall. *sigh* I'd say at least it's Friday, but he'll be working tomorrow too. I promise, these terrible ranting posts will be few and far between, but since I don't wanna bitch to James (again), I will simply post it here for the world to see, or whoever is nice enough to read my stupid entries. Thanks guys. :-)