Teatopia

I need some income but I want to stay home . . .

James and I have been trying to think of a way for me to make a little money without really having to go back to work (you're totally laughing at me now, right?) I mean, who wouldn't want an income and not have to work? But seriously, I don't mind spending some time on something when Olivia is napping or playing. I don't have a lot of time really. James isn't pushing anything, but I want to contribute, so here are the things I am considering, along with my thoughts on them:

-- working part time for dad doing accounting
(I have been doing this and will continue to occasionally, but it takes more time than I have)

-- childcare
(I have been asked to watch a little Korean boy (too cute!!) 4 days a week. James doesn't want me to because he thinks it'll take time away from Olivia since it's constant)

-- selling something like Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, etc.
(Who am I kidding? I couldn't sell a car for $5! This soooo isn't for me)

-- prostitute
(I think I've gained too much weight though) :-)

-- write a book
(I have some ideas and I was an English major, but I don't think I'm that good. I could look for a freelance job, but they are hard to come by)

-- day trader
(ok, before you fall out of your chair laughing, this is the most likely one. We want to set aside some money each month and let me play around with it. I think I could do this, even if I don't do so well the first few months)

I will definitely be staying home with Olivia, but it'd be nice to find something that gives me a bit of money each month, but still allows me a lot of time with my daughter. What do you think of these ideas? (excluding the prostitution one of course!) LOL!

It's Official

Today I went by my school to show off the baby and-- it feels weird to even type it-- drop off my letter of resignation. Yep, it's official. My official job title is now Stay At Home Mom. It feels surreal. And it feels a little like I gave up some of my identity today, and for that, I feel a bit guilty. I love that I can stay home with my daughter and I know how blessed I am for it, but it was hard to drop off that letter and see my kids and know that I won't be back. Is it normal that I am feeling this way?

I think I need to try to make more time for myself. That's maybe part of the reason I am feeling this way. I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking care of Olivia, but I miss cooking, reading, and having more adult interaction. My mom is a teacher and after next week when she's off, she wants to watch the baby more so I can have time to do things like grocery shop, run errands, and maybe read. I really miss reading.

I've had a few people tell me how they'd love to be able to stay home all day, that they'd happily watch my baby and not have to work. This is coming from people without kids-- friends who don't understand how hard it is to take care of a baby 24/7. It makes me upset because I feel like they are implying that I have an easy day, that I do nothing but watch TV or something. This little winkie is more work than teaching ever was (hard to believe). And I think that because I have given up my career, I need to occasionally make sure I am still able to do some of the other things I used to do. Those of you with kids are probably nodding in agreement. You know how much work they can be!

I think quitting my job today brought out some emotions in me and I think I might be feeling a bit hormonal as well.

Pray for Me

Have you seen my countdown to work ticker? Today is my last day, and my heart is breaking. It's not that I'm not excited and ready for this next phase of my life, because I am. But, with this new phase comes many unknowns and new experiences for me: less of an income, less adult interaction during the day, and not seeing the students that I love. And let's not forget, not only am I ending a career, I am beginning a new job soon: MOM. It's hard to imagine being a SAHM when I don't even have a baby yet.

Say a prayer for me when I walk out these doors at 4:00.

Closure

I don't have long to write because I am super tired and have much on my mind. I wanted to share something special that happened to me today. All day, I was so stressed because I had like 4 meetings to go to and I just didn't feel well (had lots of pain/contractions last night and threw up this morning), but everyone was so insistent that I come to these meetings. I bitched and bitched all day to my team that James was coming to move stuff out of my room and I didn't have time to meet. Well, James didn't show, so I went up to my meeting and found that all my students had planned a huge show to honor me with the help of my friend R. I immediately started to cry when I saw all my kids there (150 of them) and all my friends at work. Even the chorus and band performed. R chose my favorite students to perform various skits about me having the baby and I just sat and cried. One of the funniest things was the retired Marine math teacher on our team impersonating me! He had a blonde wig, HUGE tummy and a leopard skin moo-moo! It was hilarious! James and my mom were already there waiting for me to arrive and James recorded the whole thing with our camcorder. I wish I could post pictures, but for the sake of privacy, I know I can't. :-( I felt like today there was closure at work, even though it will be harder than ever to leave. It all made me so emotional.

I feel so loved and truly blessed. It was what I needed to welcome baby girl into the world. I am still scared, but ready. I really thought that maybe this morning was it. I had the worst chemical nausea (which can be the on-set of labor because of the increased hormones) but so far, I haven't had a pain in hours. I guess I'm still going to work until Friday, but at least I won't have to dread having an emotional Friday saying goodbye. I think I went through enough today. Only the truest friend would've worked as hard as R did with these students. She wrote scripts, paid for all the costumes and props and spent hours working with the kids outside of school. I know that even though I won't be there next year, she will remain one of my closest and treasured friends.

Not What I Thought

As my last day of work approaches, I am plagued with mixed emotions. I thought I'd be thrilled to leave this job that so often stresses me out. What could be better than staying home with my precious daughter and having my husband come home for lunch every day, except of course, getting paid for it? :-) I feel like God has opened my eyes to the many wonderful things about my job. Is He trying to tell me something? I always planned to stay home with my children for a while, and now I don't feel as good about it as I thought I would. Tomorrow I have my second shower and all I can think about are the wonderful people who care about me and who have worked so hard to plan this wonderful celebration. And I'm leaving them. There's a part of me that is relieved to go, but not as much a part of me as I thought. I also don't really know who to talk to about it. My husband is worried about finances with me most likely quitting and my co-workers all want me to stay. My mom thinks I should stay home since James makes a decent living as an electronics engineer (still, 2 incomes are much better than one). *sigh*

If you could choose between staying home with your child and living comfortably or staying at work with people you really like and having more money, what would you choose? (I forgot to mention that I will get paid through August since they take part of your pay throughout the year for the summer-- yippee!)

This may all be a moot point when I see that precious child's face. It'll be a done deal then-- I'll probably never leave her for anything, but for now, this is hard.

Edited to add: living comfortably to me means hving enough money for bills and some extras. It will not, however, allow us to go out and spend money the way we are used to. Gone are the exotic vacations (not that we could take them now anyway) and the purchasing of the latest electronics, but we won't be poor. Heck James makes a bit more now than he did when I was a full-time student, so things can't be all that bad if we made it then, right?

Update on School Situation

I decided to contact someone in HR for the school board and ask for a copy of my rights. I also asked her for advice. She's a friend of a friend and I think she'll be honest with me.

The guidance counselor told me that if it had been a regular kid, he would not have been allowed back without a psychiatric evaluation! However, in this case, they are saying this is a manifestation of his disability, so we have to follow a different procedure for removal. Also, there is some federal law that says special ed students can only be suspended so many days because so many school aren't making adequate yearly progress and it's the special ed kids who aren't making the right scores. Something like that. A lot of teachers seemed to be aware of this law. Sounds like bullpoop to me. I'm not evehn sure I'm explaining it correctly.

It seems that in order for anything to really change, I'd have to really fight a battle. I'm not sure what I want to do honestly. I am waiting to see if they can get rid of him. They are trying to get him on a half-day schedule, which means I wouldn't see him anymore. It's odd . . . the special ed kids have so many rights, yet in society, everyone is treated the same. It will never get him out of a speeding ticket, or being arrested. Can you see a cop saying "it's ok, sweetie. You were special ed in school? No problem. So sorry I made you pull over!" There are no consequences anymore for these special ed kids, so in reality, they are doing him a disservice. The real world will NOT make excuses or exceptions for him.

I'm sorry if I haven't been by many blogs lately. I've kind of been in my own world, but I promise I will be by soon!

Hugs and kisses . . .

I Can't Even Think of a Title for this Post

I didn't post this weekend because I was very achy and tired. I am feeling huge and I can barely get out of my car by myself. I was actually worried I was coming down with something, but after a nice,long nap yesterday, I am feeling better.

Anyway, here are my work woes. On friday, a student turned in a paper that said "Mrs. Chambers is not pregnant. She's fat" and "Mrs. Chambers is pregnant by Hitler" (we are currently studying him). I sent him to the office and they told me not to take it personally. Um, I was more concerned with the fact that it was incredible disrespectful and not so much sad, especially since the kid couldn't even spell my name. Dumbass.

And this one takes the cake. The crazy boy who tried to plant one on me a while back-- today he got upset because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do. He got all worked up, swung at several students, hit one in the head with a full water bottle, threatened to kill me and the rest of the class, cussed at all of us, and threatened to run off school grounds. And you know what? He's staying in my class because he's special ed. I questioned the asst principal and he said that because the boy has problems, he has rights. I screamed that I had rights too and that he scared the hell out of me and my class (I said hell to my boss). I also said that if he returns to me room, they can consider my maternityleave effective now. We'll see what happens.

Education is screwed. These nutcases now have more rights than everyone else combined.

Let the Countdown Begin

The only thing worse than being on the road this morning was being the ONLY one driving at 7:50. Apparently, the rest of the world is still on vacation. Hey, I can't complain though because I enjoyed having two weeks off. James is off today. He's heading up to Atlanta with my dad to pick up the furniture for the nursery we bought last Friday. We bought all the furniture and tonight we are picking up the bedding at the mall. Progress is being made! I am proud to say that the nursery is FINALLY empty and the new guest room (the old one is now the nursery) has been set up and it looks great! The only thing left to do before setting up everything is painting, which we are hoping to have done by this weekend.

Now, I am really watching that countdown until March 31-- my last day of work. It can't come soon enough. Don't get me wrong, I like my job sometimes, but I am so tired and I just want to be done. Of course, this is coming from someone who had 3 hours of sleep last night. My acid reflux was bad again and I had to sit up in bed. Also, baby girl kicked me half the night, making it worse. My back hurts too. I might have to use that gift certificate for a pregnancy masage more quickly than I thought. Ok, enough complaining. I have work to do.

If Only . . .

For the past few mornings, except for yesterday, I thought long and hard about what I would do if I didn't have to go to work. Not sure why I do this to myself-- it only makes going to work harder after thinking about all the wonderful things I could be doing instead. I decided that I would make some coffee or tea, sit on the couch next to my Christmas tree, gas log fireplace, and puppies, and wear comfy socks (I have this thing about being cozy!) The reason I didn't feel this way yesterday morning was because I knew I didn't have to go to work! Instead, I had a workshop downtown. In fact, I felt like a woman with an office job or something. I stopped for coffee, wore high heels (I knew I could actually sit all day) and enjoyed not having to yell at kids. It was great!

Although I dream a lot about *not* having to go to work, the truth is, when I am off next year with my daughter (gosh, that sounds weird!) I am going to be a busy lady, but more fulfilled and happy. I can tell that my friend Lisanne has been happier since becoming a SAHM, and I can't wait for that. I'm going to have the best job in the world!

No More Work This Week!

I had dinner at Red Lobster tonight with a friend and the Peanut kicked and squirmed through much of dinner. It makes me so happy to feel her move. :-)

I am *so* happy to be done work for the week. It feels so good to know that the alarm will NOT be going off in the morning. I just wish James could stay home with me. He's been so busy with a research paper for his master's. I've missed him so much. I seem to be extra attached to him lately. It's probably hormones.

I hope everyone who is traveling for Thanksgiving has a safe trip. We're staying here and going to my mom's. I am making a few dishes, which I will post about in the next few days. OK, off to take a bath and change into pajamas. Nip/Tuck is coming on at 10:00!

So NOT a Morning Person

Lately I have been having this nightmare that I turn my alarm off in my sleep and miss work. In the dream, the secretary calls me and asks where I am and I always wake up paranoid. Today this happened to my friend B, except that he really didn't worry that much. I know I would. I can't imagine kids in my classroom with no teacher. Ugh.

I guess I worry about this because I am NOT a morning person. Once I'm up, I can appreciate a beautiful morning, but if I had it my way, I wouldn't ever get out of bed before 10:00 am ever again. I like staying up late and sleeping in! I know that one peanut arrives, there won't be any more sleeping in for me, but for now, I sure do enjoy it.

Are you a morning or a night person?

Gross

My 5th period class is a nut house. Most of them could be committed. Yesterday a boy peed his pants because "he didn't realize he had to go" and then today he was eating food off the cafeteria floor. It's a mystery why I haven't barfed at school with all that I see and smell. While a whiff of dog food has sent me hurling over the kitchen sink, I have yet to lose my cookies at school.

*note: Shokufeh asked a good question. My 5th period is my only class with special ed students and although this student is actally quite bright, he is in this program. It's never a dull day.

I Love Georgia

"MCSD will be closed on Monday, September 26, and Tuesday, September 27, for all students and employees. Governor Perdue and State School Superintendent Kathy Cox have requested that all school systems in Georgia be closed because of the fuel shortages after Hurricane Katrina and the anticipated effects on the fuel supply because of Hurricane Rita. A number of refineries in Texas have been shut down during the evacuation of the Gulf Coast. These "Emergency Release Days" will conserve hundreds of thousands of gallons of fuel for buses and allow for cooling energy conservation. School will resume on Wednesday, September, 28."

I have 2 more days off! And boy do I need them. The puking has returned. :-(

We Laugh to Keep from Crying

This is a commonly said phrase at my school, and today, it held true.

This morning shouts could be heard from the teacher's room who I did my student teaching with 2 years ago. She was yelling for someone to come and help. Turns out there was a HUGE, brutal fight that broke out in her room . . . over a hair brush.

We were supposed to have Spirit Week this week-- 5 themed days of dressing up, leading to our first pep rally Friday. I always enjoyed this in school and as a teacher, I still get excited. Due to horrible behavior school-wide on Monday, our principal had to cancel spirit week after just the first day. I guess dressing up in costumes and such led to goofing off and HORRIBLE behavior. Wouldn't be surprised if you could still smell the stink bombs. Anyway, our principal announced to the students that although Spirit Week was cancelled, he would consider still having the pep rally if the behavior improved. Or, if it was only some kids acting out, the teachers could turn in a list of people who would not be attending the pep rally. We get so sick of the behavior. There is a criminal element at my school and they can't seem to handle anything out of the norm. So, a list was made of people who would NOT be attending. The names on it? The teachers'.

At least we can find some humor in this profession.

You're Going to Think I'm Lying

Get a load of this. I learned in a meeting today that one of my students threatened to stab his teacher to death last year with a pair of scissors. He actually stood behind her when she wasn't looking, scissors aimed at her back, but another teacher caught him and stopped him. When asked if he was really going to stab her, he replied "yeah. Because I don't like her." So, what did they do? Suspend him-- as in "see you next week"! Let me just say that if that were MY class, someone would be gone for good, because if it wasn't him, it'd certainly be me. And I get the pleasure of teaching him all year. He's already tried to kiss me. I guess if it happens again and I offend him by saying no, he could stab me with scissors. Lucky me. Last time, he did it when I was talking to someone and I didn't even know who had done it until he pulled away. It was on the cheek, but it was a little to close to my mouth for comfort. What the hell is wrong with my school system? What kind of administrator allows a student who threatens to kill back in class? He also threated to kill students last year because "he didn't like them." Well tough shit. He needs to be put away.

Sometimes I think I must be nuts doing this for a living. Teaching isn't what it used to be, believe me. I'm not even in a "bad" school. I'm pregnant, tired, and stressed, and although I love many of my students and find them an absolute pleasure to have in class, other times, it feels like hell.

The first time that boy threatens me, I'm gone. I have a baby to protect, as well as my sanity. And I have rights, one of them being to not have to work where people have threatened my life. Lets hope I stay on this kid's good side, because I'm scared.

Here Already

This is the last week of school for the kids. I have to go Monday and Tuesday of next week, but the end is certainly is sight. It's hard to believe that I am almost done my first year teaching. There are many things to do though to close out the year and I am drowning in paperwork!

I am so excited about my trip to South Africa I can't stand it. I have been dreaming about our trip almost every night! :-) I can't wait to buy Rooibos tea, some South African cooking magazines, and to go on safari! I feel so blessed to have this opportunity.

Mixed Feelings

Well, looks like I'll be in the same position again next year . . .
This is both good bad. Apparently, the person retiring had already told our principal he was retiring the week before I found out and someone was already lined up. See, we had already hired a history teacher for another job and the runner up was told that he could have the other history position available--the one I wanted but didn't ask for until the week after. My principal told me I found out a little late and it was going to be hard to move things around now when he had already made a committment to someone else. Whew! What a mouth full! Also, my closest friend Rebecca was moved to my team because our principal thinks we work well together and he wants us on the same team next year, meaning I'd have to stay.

I suppose I am ok with this. I desperately want World Cultures, but I know it's not personal. I just wish I had known sooner before he told someone else. I also wish he had told me that the chances were slim he'd find another slot for the guy he already hired. On the other hand, I like my current team and am thrilled Rebecca will be on my team next year. And most importantly, yours truly is thinking about a baby in the near future, so I'll probably only be teaching one more year anyway and when I come back, I want to find another position anyway. I'll make a fresh start then! :-)

Keeping My Fingers Crossed!

I apologize for the vague entry yesterday. I can now say more because 1) I know my closest friend at work doesn't want it and 2) I have now formally requested it.

I put in a request for a position teaching about World Cultures for the International Baccalaureate Programme, which I currently teach English for and am attending training for this summer in Atlanta. My passion is learning about other cultures-- foreign films, cuisines, books, travel. I feel like the job is hand-tailored for me and the best thing is, I learned today that the team I would be on (in middle school we have 2 teams per grade) has been trying to get me for some time. They told me that they have had their eye on me so they are pushing for this new position too.

The only reason I wouldn't get it is because the team I am on now is not as strong as the one I would be going to and our team leader says I am needed where I currently am too. I feel very loved, but really, I need to do this for ME.

I know in the end that whatever God wants for me will be, but I am praying that this works out. I really think I'd feel at home in this position. I want to teach about other cultures so badly. I just hope if it doesn't work out that I can go back to being reasonably content with where I am.

The Call

Today God gave me a big wake-up call. Lately, I have been somewhat discouraged about my job. I say somewhat because I am mostly happy, but lately there have been issues that would make anyone re-think this profession.

Today my students wrote letters about their goals for the rest of the year. They wrote letters at the beginning of the year about their fears about school-- not being able to open lockers, not having friends, etc.-- and about goals and other thoughts. Today they wrote an update letter and several students chose to write about me, which I never even suggested. They wrote about how they love me and my class. Half of them wrote that Mrs. Chambers was their favorite teacher. Also, a little girl I've been helping left me the sweestest note propped up on my computer. I felt loved today. :-) There were just so many compliments and hugs today from students-- more than ever and on a day I really needed them because there was an issue with a student. A black father inferred that I was prejudiced for not selecting his son for a spelling bee when 1) spelling bees are based on ability and 2)the boy I did choose WAS BLACK. Um, hello! Why do people have to bring race into everything. Anyway, I needed all positive attention today. Thank you Lord for letting my know that at least for now, I'm doing what I'm meant to. I really do love those kids. (Most of them anyway) :-)

Transfer

I admitted to some colleagues today that I am thinking of leaving my position. Was that a mistake? Could be. I am thinking of trying to find a 6th grade World Cultures position somewhere. When you're a teacher, it's not that big of a deal to transfer because you still work for the county, you're just housed in another school with a different subject or grade. With my love of cultures, why am I teaching grammar? I adore literature and writing, but these days, English teachers are nothing more than grammar teachers. I'd be so happy teaching about what I love.

I love teaching too much to let myself be unhappy in a situation that happens to not be so good.

Teacher Woes

My first day back yesterday was not as easy as I thought. Refer back to my pevious entry for my "plans" for teacher planning day yesterday. First of all, the cable was out, aka no Food Network, so I sat in silence and worked on everything I had to do. Second, my beyond anal team decided to start a meeting when we are supposed to get off. I know sometimes you've just gotta stay late, but on the first day back when our principal said "get out of here at 4:00," come on! I walked out because I have a life! Also, there's a new policy now that we can't fail students, so in order to keep them from getting promoted to the next grade when they did nothing, we are implementing a new policy. Every time a student receives a zero for a missing assignment, he/she receives academic detention. In other words, if 5 students fail to turn in something today and 7 more tomorrow forget their homework tomorrow, all 12 will have a detention with me this week until 4:30 (remember I said I get off at 4:00?) I'm sorry, but they can't ask me to stay beyond my contract time without paying me. My contract has no clause that says sometimes I will have to work late. James's does, so he's stuck, but with teachers, it's pretty much an 8-4 job, but you should expect to take a lot home. I often work late, but it's because I feel I need to, not because I'm made to. I am all about fairness. And then there are other more severe consequences for students who don't show, and those infirnge upon my time even more, but I will get paid on those days, but I'd probably rather pay them and not have to stay. Grrrrr....

And just when I thought it couldn't get worse, some kid just puked all over the floor. God give me patience.

Reality Bites

I have so enjoyed being off these couple of weeks, but the reality is, I work for a living and tomorrow, I have to go back. It won't be so bad really because it's a planning day and I get to watch the Food Network all day in my classroom and pretend I'm busy. No, I'm just kidding, I will leave it on all day, but I have papers to grade and return, thank you notes to write for gifts received from students, and I also have to set up a new grade book. The best part is that James is coming with me because he put together some older computers to set up in my classroom. I okayed it with my principal, but some teachers bring their kids, so I doubt there will be a problem. We'll get to go to lunch together and I can make us tea and it won't be so bad. (Do I sound like I'm trying really hard to convince myself?) The reality is that I like my job for the most part and I genuinely love my students (most of them anyway), but this is a majorly stressful job and the kids I teach have little motivation. I work with some bitter, burned out people and my friend Rebecca says that we can't blame them because in 20 years we'll be the same way from years of yelling 30 times and hour. Not healthy. I don't want to become that way. I am going to be doing some serious praying just to make sure I am where God wants me to be. I think I am, but I want to make sure. :-)

Co-workers

How come there is always someone wherever you work that enjoys screwing up other people's lives? There is a woman at school who I work very closely with and if she's not criticizing someone, she doesn't know what else to do. I have tried to bend over backwards to be kind to her because I know she has some issues at home that are upsetting her, but she doesn't need to ruin my first year teaching. the worst part is, none of it is blatant. It's always done in a "helping" way. Being underhanded and sneaky is even worse if you ask me.

Weekly Bulletin

My principal likes to "help" us teachers out by sending the weekly bulletin on Sunday evening. I know he's trying to be helpful and that many teachers with nothing better to do truly appreciate it, but do I really want to think about all the crap I'll have to deal with Monday? Uh, let me think, NO!

Tired

It's only 9:59 am and I can tell it's going to be one of "those" days. I had a parent call the principal last night because her daughter wet her pants in class after I told her she couldn't go to the bathroom. I'm not in trouble, because I followed our team policy, but still . . . Number one, it was in the morning and they are supposed to go before school. Number two, she had no pass (we are big on students being responsible for the hallpass we give them each 9 weeks). Number three, usually a student will ask again if it's really an emergency. Number four, this kid is always in my face asking questions.

Uh, when do teachers ever have time to go? There's such a thing as holding it.

Also, I have a stomach ache and I'm just plain tired. Someone get me out of here. I'm about to pull the fire alarm. (just kidding)

Mixed Feelings

I was a little disappointed today with the uh, quality of students. How can I say this without sounding like a complete bitch? Lemme just say that my school once housed the cream of the crop. Is it surprising to hear that I had to discipline kids the very first day as did my teammates? I didn't have a bad day and I have a lot of patience, but please. . . acting up the first day? What is in store for me a month down the road when they are really comfortable? The highlight of my day was the IB (gifted) class. Half the class has read all the Harry Potter books. Now that's my dream class!

Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils

Yesterday, as I browsed my new favorite section in Barnes and Noble-- the kids corner-- I was reminded of the phrase "bouquets of newly sharpened pencils" from the movie "You've Got Mail." I even considered tying a ribbon around the stack of newly sharpened pencils in my classroom and putting them in a teacher's mug on my desk. Aaahh, back to school. I am a bundle of mixed emotions- nervous and excited! I love the fall. As I bought crisp apples at the grocery store to day for the first time in a while, I realized that I am entering a new phase of my life. I will be sure to report tomorrow!

My Classroom

It's weird to think that the next time I step foot in my room will be the first day of school. This week we had pre-planning, but I was super busy with all kinds of things to do. Here are some pictures of my classroom. :-)

My bulletin board. I plan to make more fish for it.

My desk- notice the Winnie the Pooh teacher supplies James got me? :-)

This is the wall closest to my desk

The wall closest to the door

The front of the classroom where I will be teaching

Back to School!

Well, it's that time of year again-- back to school! I used to dread this time of year when I was a kid, but now I'm the teacher and I realize it's even scarier now. I don't dread it because I dislike it, I just worry-- am I prepared? Is my room pretty?

I feel like I'm playing school and it's easy to forget it's finally for real. I'm going to take some puctures of my roon and post them.

Change

Usually when I blog, I'll try not to talk about depressing things, but today was a sad day for me. Today was my last day of student teaching and it was so hard to say goodbye. I have been teaching these 8th graders since January and this was my last day with them. It was also hard to say goodbye to my mentor-- one of the most amazing women I know. They gave me a beautiful gift-- a Nine West watch. There was also a cake and many cards. The messages from the kids touched my heart. One girl told me that I've been like a mother to her because she was taken away from her own mom. Probably the hardest person to say goodbye to was Cathy, my mentor and cooperating teacher. We cried as we said goodbye and she said I've been like a daughter to her. It seems silly to be so upset when I'll almost definitely be teaching there next year, but things won't be the same. I've always hated change. Never again will things be as they are right now. I know I had to complete student teaching to graduate and I will have my very own class of kids to bond with next year, but next Monday won't seem right.

I told myself I wouldn't cry, but I did. I knew I would. And then I drove away from the school, tears running down my face, it began to rain. How perfect. I decided there was only one thing to keep me from going nuts, a project! So I drove to Michaels and decided I wasn't in a crafty mood, so I bought a new painting for my living room and then went to buy a lamp. Tonight I'm going to buy pillows for my couch. I called my husband at work and told him that I was sad and needed to re-do the living room. He understood and said to get what I wanted. He's taking me out tonight to "celebrate" but I don't feel like this is a happy time. I miss everyone at school.

I have successfully completed student teaching with a perfect evaluation, I'm graduating, and I'm going to Korea in 2 weeks. Why do I feel so crappy?

Posted by Hannah at 04:55 PM | Comments (2)